Why don't British players have great nicknames

[Thunder Bolt]

Alex 'The Ox' Oxlade-Chamberlain

Oxo-Chambermaid

 

[Thunder Bolt]

As in "radio rental"?

As in he wouldn't shut up and couldn't turn him off. It was his nickname at Chelsea according to various tv appearances he's made since becoming our manager.

 

[Kumquat]

Oxo-Chambermaid

Oxygen Chamber

 

[Kumquat]

As in he wouldn't shut up and couldn't turn him off. It was his nickname at Chelsea according to various tv appearances he's made since becoming our manager.

Cheers. Somehow that passed me by, but it's a good one.

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Hilariously- according to a recent programme- Charlie Oatway's nickname for Kuszczak is The Microwave, because apparently, his head's as big as...wait for it....a MICROWAVE.

Who WOULDN'T want to be part of the cutting edge comedy banter in a football changing room, eh? What will they think of next? Cutting up clothes? Deep heat in the underpants? Crazy, crazy times.

 

[Marxo]

Not many decent football nicknames. "Chopper" Harris didn't take much imagination. One who didn't need a nickname was former dutch footballer Leo Beenhakker as been means leg. I liked the Poirot episode when it had to be explained to him (Poirot) why Hastings was called battler.

 

[Lady Whistledown]

I suppose perhaps there is a difference between nicknames the players give themselves and those awarded to them by fans.

I don't suppose Vicente walks around the changing room shaking new team-mates' hands and saying "Hi, I'm the Dagger"; equally I doubt very much Dean Wilkins has ever thought of setting up a Twitter account in the name of [MENTION=15897]wendy[/MENTION]4

 

[Kumquat]

Hilariously- according to a recent programme- Charlie Oatway's nickname for Kuszczak is The Microwave, because apparently, his head's as big as...wait for it....a MICROWAVE.

Who WOULDN'T want to be part of the cutting edge comedy banter in a football changing room, eh? What will they think of next? Cutting up clothes? Deep heat in the underpants? Crazy, crazy times.

To be fair Charlie Oatway's humour is notoriously bad.I think it comes under the category "so bad it's good until you realise it actually is that bad". The only one he ever came out with which made me laugh was when australian Paul Reid wore a black armband to mourn the loss of the Ashes in 2005. Oatway told hime if he wanted to wear something that truly represented his country he should go out for the second half wearing shackles.

 

[Lady Whistledown]

To be fair Charlie Oatway's humour is notoriously bad.I think it comes under the category "so bad it's good until you realise it actually is that bad". .

WHAT? Are you allowed to say that? It is a truth universally recognised that Oatway is the Funniest Man In Football, even funnier than the side-splitting Ian Holloway.

 

[W.C.]

El Punal and the Cyclone are quite cool but usually Spanish nicknames are as bad as any,

Witness the fresh faced Torres : The boy

 

[Bladders]

Marks & Sparks. Old one.

Thought is was cause he looked like Clark Griswold

 

[Thunder Bolt]

Right on cue

Zesh Rehman ‏@Zesh_Rehman
@aelabd6 Abdullah!!! Hope your well lej

 

[Sussex on Leith]

Crofts - The Parsnip of Death

 

[Mo Gosfield]

Cricket has hundreds of them...e.g All Hands ( Zondecki ) Whispering Death ( Holding ) White Lightning ( Donald ) Fat Cat ( Ritchie ) Horse ( Arnold ) Smokin ( Richards ) Beefy ( Botham ) FEC ( Atherton ) etc etc etc.
Tennis....' the leaning tower of Pasadena ' ( Stan Smith ) ' the wild bull of the Pampas ' ( Vilas ) Superbrat ( McEnroe ) Rocket ( Laver ) etc etc
Boxing....well virtually every fighter has one.
As for football.....well there doesn't seem to be much imagination around!

 

[Kumquat]

Cricket has hundreds of them...e.g All Hands ( Zondecki ) Whispering Death ( Holding ) White Lightning ( Donald ) Fat Cat ( Ritchie ) Horse ( Arnold ) Smokin ( Richards ) Beefy ( Botham ) FEC ( Atherton ) etc etc etc.
Tennis....' the leaning tower of Pasadena ' ( Stan Smith ) ' the wild bull of the Pampas ' ( Vilas ) Superbrat ( McEnroe ) Rocket ( Laver ) etc etc
Boxing....well virtually every fighter has one.
As for football.....well there doesn't seem to be much imagination around!

Have to say that "All Hands" for Zondecki is my favourite. i'd forgotten that one.

 

[nwgull]

Ronaldo - the ****.

 

[Vegas Seagull]

Like 'The Dagger' or The Cyclone? We just seem to have'Becks' or 'Lamps',really boring name related ones

Pathetic examples....Golden Balls & Fat Frank....

'lawros left foot' is, however, very dull

 

[Shirty]

"Razor" Ruddock is perhaps a little more in the same vein as "The Dagger", although judging by the size of him now "Mallet" might be a more accurate nickname

 

[hans kraay fan club]

Because footballers are generally quite stupid. They lack the wit to come up with much, so they just contract (or add a "y" to) their actual name (note: each team must also throw in an inevitable Chopper & a Sicknote as standard).

Hence our dressing room almost certainly resounds to Kush, Greersy, Ads/Chopper, Dunky, Bridgey, Paints, Bridds, Dave, Calde, Barnsey, Macca, Bucks, Kaz, Sicknote, Andy, Dobes, Jakey, Hammo, Croftsy and er, Leo (who 30 years ago would probably have been tagged General Belgrano or something).

According to DIXIE on the most recent podcast, the Albion players call Dave 'La Liga'.

 

[lawros left foot]

Cos Vegas Seagull is so cool and trendy

Pathetic examples....Golden Balls & Fat Frank....

'lawros left foot' is, however, very dull