What should i have done?

[Meade's Ball]

Here's the scene:
I'm 28 years old and am cycling with a couple of female friends in Victoria Park, East London, on Saturday afternoon. The sun is shining, but there is an occasional chill in the air.
When we get into the park, a gang of bicycle-riding boys (ages 11-14) start to call me names. Fatty Bighead, The Cow, Bumblebee.
Now, i'm not exactly svelt, but neither am i a flabby colossus. They soon moved on to mimicking my every reply. I tried to answer wittily and keep my language clean, but their sheer number and the excellence of their mockery over-powered me. In the end, they accused me of being a virgin. All i could think to do to refute this claim was to invent a wife. They pretty much left me alone when i told them that this imaginary spouse had died recently. Although, their cries of Fatty Bighead could still be heard some distance away.

What else could i have done? I can't hit kids can i? I'm not the violent type anyway. Is there a correct etiquette?

 

[Dandyman]

I understand the correct form for Victoria Park is to pump some caps into the mo'fuckas and then pimp their mommas.

 

[Lush]

I understand the correct form for Victoria Park is to pump some caps into the mo'fuckas and then pimp their mommas.

Alternatively...

What Would Jesus Do?

 

[Meade's Ball]

I understand the correct form for Victoria Park is to pump some caps into the mo'fuckas and then pimp their mommas.

Unfortunately, i'd left my piece at home. All i had was a D-lock and an acute sense of embarassment.

 

[tedebear]

ignoring these types of gutter snipe is probably the best alternative...

children these days...

 

[Braders]

nick there bike and run!

 

[Adams score 0]

Truth hurts .

 

[Adams score 0]

Virgin

 

[Meade's Ball]

Virgin

Perhaps you'd like to take that up with my dead wife.

 

[Simster]

I had a similar conundrum yesterday - I was cycling home on the road when two kids pretending to be waiting quietly for a bus both screamed at me as I cycled past. I can't honestly say I was going to fall off, but the chav-ettes who they were trying to impress were in hysterics so I guess I must have wobbled a bit.

As I continued on my journey with a wry smile I considered what courses of action were available to me. Perhaps I should have turned round, and in a threatening manner, cycled past them and then tried to nick something they were wearing like a cap and chucking onto the top of the next bus stop. Sadly I couldn't be arsed to see if they had anything worth nicking so I continued on my merry way.

I just think it's a shame these chavs are unlikely to appear on this chat site, otherwise I could take a leaf out of Frank's book and threaten to kick their heads in via a PM.

 

[Adams score 0]

Perhaps you'd like to take that up with my dead wife.

OK Fatty Bighead

 

[Easy 10]

A harrowing tale, Meade's Ball. I know its easy in hindsight, but here's what I would have done.

Stand silently as their insults and derision hail down on you. Allow the anger to accumulate within the pit of your stomach. Let it build into a dangerous, bitter ball of pure evil and malevolence. You may at this point begin trembling slightly as you struggle to contain the animal within, which is now rapidly mutating into a maelstrom of uncontrollable black rage and fearsome retribution. By this stage, their every jibe is stoking an inferno of fury deep within you, an inferno which is about to be unleashed in a blinding frenzy of violence and bloodshed bordering on the very definition of Armageddon. Once you have reached this point of no return, you can finally let go and expose them to the full horror their actions have brought upon themselves, when you darkly hiss:

"I know your PARENTS, and I'm TELLING..."

 

[Meade's Ball]

OK Fatty Bighead

Fatty "Had Sex" Bighead, if you don't mind.

 

[Adams score 0]

So you say

Virgin

 

[Meade's Ball]

A harrowing tale, Meade's Ball. I know its easy in hindsight, but here's what I would have done.

Stand silently as their insults and derision hail down on you. Allow the anger to accumulate within the pit of your stomach. Let it build into a dangerous, bitter ball of pure evil and malevolence. You may at this point begin trembling slightly as you struggle to contain the animal within, which is now rapidly mutating into a maelstrom of uncontrollable black rage and fearsome retribution. By this stage, their every jibe is stoking an inferno of fury deep within you, an inferno which is about to be unleashed in a blinding frenzy of violence and bloodshed bordering on the very definition of Armageddon. Once you have reached this point of no return, you can finally let go and expose them to the full horror their actions have brought upon themselves, when you darkly hiss:

"I know your PARENTS, and I'm TELLING..."

I had thought of that, actually.

I also thought that a sudden, furious burst of wanking might scare them too. Or at least dismay them enough for me to make my erect escape.

 

[Simster]

Hey Meade's, do you know what a "vulva" is?

*sniggers*

 

[Meade's Ball]

Hey Meade's, do you know what a "vulva" is?

*sniggers*

Yes, my wife used to drive one.

 

[Easy 10]

Hey Meade's, do you know what a "vulva" is?

*sniggers*

A chunky swedish car ?

 

[Simster]

Yes, my wife used to drive one.

HAHAHA MEADE'S BALL'S A VIRGIN EVERYONE.

*points* HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT A VULVA IS!

 

[Easy 10]

Dammit, he's too quick for me.