Unexpected Jokes

[Dick Knights Mumm]

Just listening to the Archers Omnibus - and Pat Archer and Kirsty (young and single) are talking about a list of birds Kirsty has spotted. They discuss lapwings, greenfinches etc. Then Pat Archer, looking at the list, says "And what else have you got ............. "Great Tits" ....."

 

[rool]

Probably not totally unexpected but I was in the first month or so of my medication and, unusually for me, I had no interest, joy or excitement during the Christmas period, in fact looking back I was suffering a really deep depression at the time. Anyway, Shrek the Halls was on the TV and I remember just staring at the TV but not really taking anything in. Well the following bit was read out:-

And then to the babies he gave one by one, a festering bottle of stinky swamp juice.

And for mommy a kiss and a good Christmas goose.

..and I just burst out into a fit of giggles that wouldn't stop and had me crying with laughter.

 

[wallington seagull]

Peter Alliss said that a large crowd had gathered on the first tee this morning to watch Rory "bash one off"

 

[smalldino]

Woman on Radio 4 interviewing author Dick Francis. "i know that you like horses a lot so tell me "do you still ride dick"
If you have a look at the Radio 1 website on Scott mills there is a section called inuendo bingo and it is all these sort of jokes. Have a listen its really funny.( dont listen to the rest of the show thought, its pants)

 

[Lord Bracknell]

When I was a kid, we had a family holiday in Oban. I still recall the mess I made from a combination of spluttering and a sudden explosion of laughter / giggling, during the soup course at the hotel we were staying at. My kid brother asked a perfectly reasonable question - "What soup is this?". And my mum chose that moment of complete silence that sometimes descends on a crowded room to say - very loudly, or so it seemed at the time - "It looks like pea to me".

 

[Dorset Seagull]

Woman on Radio 4 interviewing author Dick Francis. "i know that you like horses a lot so tell me "do you still ride dick"
If you have a look at the Radio 1 website on Scott mills there is a section called inuendo bingo and it is all these sort of jokes. Have a listen its really funny.( dont listen to the rest of the show thought, its pants)

"Do you like Dick Francis?"

"Yes and how did you know my name was Francis"

 

[Tricky Dicky]

A number of years ago, I went with to dinner with my friend and his parents to celebrate his birthday. He was into photography in quite a big way, and his mother had just got a new cat. At one point during dinner the mother said to her son (loud enough that the whole restaurant heard it) ....

"You must come round and take a picture of my pussy sometime"

I couldn't help myself but to burst out laughing, and fortunately other people joined in.

 

[CP 0 3 BHA]

We went as a family to a large BBQ last night and when my daughter, her friend and I got home - needing to stay quiet as others had turned in - I said to them "did you enjoy the Barbie Girls?" Might have just been the alcohol but it was some time before any of us could speak again and I got a bollocking for awaking the boss with our noise when I went up.

 

[Questions]

I had to sort out one of the young cleaning girls at a school where we had just finished an extension. She was having trouble sweeping the large entrance mat of all the wood shavings because the broom was crap. I told her that I was just popping down the road to get some bits and when I got back I would give her a ''Stiff one''

it was the first thing I had said to her.

 

[Frutos]

A number of years ago, I went with to dinner with my friend and his parents to celebrate his birthday. He was into photography in quite a big way, and his mother had just got a new cat. At one point during dinner the mother said to her son (loud enough that the whole restaurant heard it) ....

"You must come round and take a picture of my pussy sometime"

I couldn't help myself but to burst out laughing, and fortunately other people joined in.

[yt]vRJlItzalJY[/yt]