Top Tips Bases On Your Own Life Experiences

[London Calling]

1. After massaging deep heat into your legs.................don't scratch your nuts

2. Similarly, after chopping up chilli's ....................don't play with your own man

3. If you must push a geezer in a crush in Amsterday, check he ain't a argie during the Falklands war and that all of his mates are with him.

 

[User removed 4]

4.) check everything is spelt correctly before posting.

 

[Norman Baker suck my lozenge]

5, Don't get your deep heat mixed up with your preperation H.

 

[Franks Wild Years]

Don't make friends with people who will die young of cancer, its a f***ing bastard cvnt.

 

[Munkfish]

4.) check everything is spelt correctly before posting.

5.) realise when your being a complete bellend.

 

[Wozza]

5.) realise when your being a complete bellend.

6) Learn correct grammer and punctuation.

7) Learn how to spell grammar.

 

[Twinkle Toes]

8) Engage brain before posting on forums/pressing the return key.

9) Don't eat the yellow snow.

 

[Gwylan]

Don't drink cider mixed with barley wine

Don't have friends who get married on the day Brighton are playing for league survival

Don't get inveigled into a game of rugby league by people who tell you it's just like union

Never go to Dubai - unless you're big fan of concrete architecture and the choking heat

Don't go out with mad woman - no matter how interesting it is at first

 

[Normal Rob]

10) Ignore most of the posts on NSC

 

[Twinkle Toes]

Never trust anybody with a mono-brow.

 

[User removed 4]

5.) realise when your being a complete bellend.

6) think before taking umbrage at someones little joke post or risk looking like a complete bellend yourself.

 

[Normal Rob]

17) always begin posts like this with numbers that bear no actual resemblance to the sequence of numbers beforehand.

 

[London Calling]

4.) check everything is spelt correctly before posting.

Or ask your fit PA to check your typing instead of doing her nails

 

[The Large One]

Écrivez en anglais.

 

[User removed 4]

Or ask your fit PA to check your typing instead of doing her nails

or get your fit PA to come along for a drink one night after work ?

 

[User removed 4]

Always check that there is an ample supply of toilet paper before dropping a turd of such monster proportions and runny consistency that 80 square miles of amazonian rainforest would need to be chopped down to provide the paper to clean up the foul mess smeared across your ring.

 

[Perry Milkins]

Always check that there is an ample supply of toilet paper before dropping a turd of such monster proportions and runny consistency that 80 square miles of amazonian rainforest would need to be chopped down to provide the paper to clean up the foul mess smeared across your ring.

Do you have a way of calculating the number of sheets used per turd dropped?

 

[FamilyGuy]

21. Never trust a fart

34. Never pass a Gents

54. Never waste an Erection

66. Never say never

 

[Nibble]

Don't hand over rental deposit money to a middle aged Irish lady who turns out to be a psychotic, alcohlic theif and expect to ever seea penny of it back

Dont ring your girlfriend, leave a message on her voicemail, forget to hang up and immediatly proceed to talk loudly with your mates about which celebrity ladies you would do up the wrong'un.

don't call your boss a fat, lazy bitch when she is standing 3ft behind you.

Don't carry a bag chock full of un-boxed, farm bought eggs on your handlebars and hit a pothole.

Don't cycle from london to brighton on a brand new bike with no padded cycling shorts.

Don't eat so much chinese food that you burp and throw up half digested King prawn chow mein all over yourself in front of your girlfriend and her parents.

And never, under any circumstances whatsoever get drunk , lock yourself out of your flat naked, fashion a mini-skirt out of toilet paper and attempt to climb through your 4th story living room window.

 

[User removed 4]

Do you have a way of calculating the number of sheets used per turd dropped?

its a formula based on consistency/length/volume of the shit incorporating the size of the square of paper and thickness, there is a different formula for two ply , and a completely different one for the squares you get as opposed to rolls, here's the link

http://www.shitrollcalculator.com