Top Tip

[Northstander]

Buy the exact same television as your neighbour, then hiding beneath their window, enjoy hours of fun using your remote control to turn their channel over and watching the confuison on their faces!!

 

[REDLAND]

indeed, just buy the same remote it will save you 1000's of pounds

 

[Braders]

love it , off to maplins as we speak !

 

[Level 42]

braders7: love it , off to maplins as we speak !

Isn't that a holiday camp on Hi De Hi!

 

[Braders]

yeah i'll go there too!

 

[DTES]

indeed, just buy the same remote it will save you 1000's of pounds

No, buy one of those multi-remotes, and piss off everybody in your street.

 

[Northstander]

Make your neighbours believe you own a bird of prey by walking up and down the street wearing a heavy looking leather glove on one hand, looking up in the air and swinging a piece of meat attached to a bit of string in large circles.

 

[DTES]

Make your neighbours believe you own a bird of prey by walking up and down the street wearing a heavy looking leather glove on one hand, looking up in the air and swinging a piece of meat attached to a bit of string in large circles....

and replacing their rabbit with a bloody carcus in their back garden should complete the illusion.

 

[northstandnorth]

ive got a TECHNICS stereo and a PANASONIC dvd every time i turn on off the other bugger starts up

really must find the manual and change the channel when i can be arsed

 

[Minghawk]

a Viz classic tip :

if you can't afford contact lenses,
simply cut out two small circles of clingfilm,
and use them instead.

 

[Northstander]

It's well known that thinking of waterfalls and fountains can help one urinate. Similarly thinking of landslides and lorries unloading soil can help even the most constipated person clear their bowels!

 

[Theatre of Trees]

Tired of writing out peoples addresses in an address book? All you need to do is get hold of last year's telephone directory and cross out the names of all the people you don't know.

 

[Northstander]

Save money on having to buy new shoes when worn out, simply take bigger strides when walking to avoid wear and tear!!

 

[CHAPPERS]

If yu fancy some scag but have little money, buy some instant coffee, mix with a little water and boil it down, works just as well.

 

[Northstander]

Last tips of the day from me

If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a
jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is
almost instantly removed.

Housewives. When nipping out to the shops, remember to carry a stiff
broom in the boot of your car. Use it to sweep the broken glass to the
side of the road every time you have a minor accident.


Keep the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and nodding
at people as they walk up the aisle.


Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your own home
by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach,
then urinating into it, before jumping in.


Girls. Too old to go on an 18 to 30 holiday? Simply get pissed, lie in
a sand pit in your garden, and shag every bloke who looks at you over
the fence.

 

[Wozza]

Put a bunch of tea bags in your hot water tank and you'll always have a cuppa available on tap.

 

[Safeway]

Put a bunch of tea bags in your hot water tank and you'll always have a cuppa available on tap.

Mmmm, showering in PG Tips. Could life get any better?