To the tune of Billy Bragg's "Sexuality":

[Man of Harveys]

From the normally-unfunny pen of Phil Jupitus apparently:

I've had relations
With hamsters and dalmatians
I've made passes
At donkeys of all classes
And if your squirrel is grey
I won't turn it away
And if your goat is brown
It and I can find some common ground

Bestiality, young and warm and wild and porky
Bestiality, your laws do not apply to me

A specialist magazine comes in the post from Sweden
I always get a wrist ache when I read them
I knew a farmer once who played
With his piggies in the glade
I said "But some things are really best left unspoken"
But he preferred his livestock out in the open

Bestiality, plump and pink and wild and furry
Bestiality, your laws do not apply to me

I'm sure that everybody knows how much my doggy hates me
I take him out most every night because he looks incredibly tasty
I feel a total jerk
Taking my badger into work

I'm getting weighed down
With all this information
Safe sex doesn't mean no sex
It just means buy yourself a big alsatian
Stop playing with your pets
Or you'll end up down the vets
I look like Johnny Morris
I love a penguin and her name is Doris

Bestiality, cold and damp and wild and scaly
Bestiality, your laws do not apply to me
Bestiality, come shear and snog some sheep with me
Bestiality, we can be what we want to be

 

[aftershavedave]

one unfunny lump of lard that phil jupitus

 

[Withdean Wanderer]

I was listening to Virgin Radio the other evening, and they played a parody of The Who - Substitute, entitled 'Prostitute'
It was quite good actually

 

[The Large One]

Now that is bloody funny.

Bragg himself sometimes sings 'Bestiality' when the mood takes him.