the old ones are the best

[Mo Gosfield]

An 80 year old man went to the clinic for some advice about his sex life. He had just taken a young bride and was worried that his sperm count was too low.
The nurse showed him to a private room, gave him some porno mags to look at and a specimen jar. She asked him to let her know when he had managed to deposit a sample.
After 30 mins, she hadn't heard from him, so she knocked on the door and he said he hoped he wouldn't be too much longer.
She left him for another 30 minutes and then, a little concerned, knocked again. " Are you alright in there " she enquired.
He replied..." I would be, if I could get the lid off this bloody jar ! "

 

[brixtonA23]

So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to
do the splits?".
He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make
Tuesdays".

 

[daveinprague]

I was sitting masturbating and became aware of a woman looking through the window at me....I shouted What are you looking at??
She said...Get out of my garden..!

 

[brixtonA23]

So I said to this train driver "I want to go to
Paris". He said "Eurostar?". I said "I've been on
telly but I'm no Dean Martin".