The NSC limerick competition

[The Clown of Pevensey Bay]

Finish limericks to go with the following first lines supplied by me

"At supper one day with Dick Knight...

"The thing about David Bellotti...

"There was once a full-back named Cullip...

Best one wins a pint. Or something.

 

[On the Left Wing]

At supper one day with Dick Knight
I took a terrible fright
The size of his dick
Made three waitresses sick
All over my bacon and tripe

 

[The Clown of Pevensey Bay]

The thing about David Bellotti,
Is his young wife's mouth, which is quite potty.
When she met Robbie Fowler
She said: "Fancy my growler?
"Or would you prefer up the botty?"

 

[Lord Bracknell]

The thing about David Bellotti
Is that he's not attractive to totty.
He's married to Jo
Who would much rather go
After Fowler, because she ain't potty.

 

[Easy 10]

At supper one day with Dick Knight
I said his lasagne was shite
As quick as a flash, my face he did smash
Now I eat through a straw, I can't bite.

 

[Lord Bracknell]

At supper one day with Dick Knight
I told him that Withdean was shite.
He told me that soon
We'd be over the moon
In a ground like the Stadium of Light

 

[CHAPPERS]

"At supper one day with Dick Knight,
I said, 'Richy, stop being so tight'.
He said, 'f*** off you clown,
while i find you a ground,
and when it happens, i say, what a sight!' ''

 

[teaboy]

The thing about David Bellotti
is that somehow he hasn't been shot - he
had ruined our ground
and soon after he found
he lost a vote to the 80 year old totty.

 

[Easy 10]

At supper one day with Dick Knight
I said "look I don't want a fight
But its clearly too soon to have supper you goon
Take a look out the window, its light".

 

[Lord Bracknell]

There was once a full-back named Cullip
Who shouted at Paul Watson "I'm not a full-back! You are! Do your feckin' job properly and then I can get a part in a proper limerick that starts sensibly with a line like 'An Albion defender called Danny' that will rhyme and EVERYTHING. And someone will dream up something tasty that I can do with fanny".

 

[teaboy]

There once was a full-back named Cullip
whose favourite colour was purple
he quite likes orange
and he also likes silver
and once shouted **** at Pethick

 

[Easy 10]

There once was a full-back named Cullip
whose favourite colour was purple
he quite likes orange
and he also likes silver
and once shouted **** at Pethick

I'm not quite sure you've completely grasped this yet.

 

[teaboy]

YOU try rhyming ANYTHING with Cullip

 

[Sussex on Leith]

There once was a full-back named Cullip
whose favourite colour was purple
he quite likes orange
and he also likes silver
and once shouted **** at Pethick

Good point well made Teaboy.

I reckon it can actually be done, but only if you assume a Scottish accent when reading it, thus creating rhymes with words such as "Philip" and...er...anything else that ends in "ilip".

I'll see if I can come up with anything, but I'm not confident.

 

[Easy 10]

YOU try rhyming ANYTHING with Cullip

Look, it wasn't ME who started the sodding thing with that crap opening line. At least try to make some of the lines rhyme though, otherwise WHATS THE POINT ?

 

[teaboy]

At supper one day with Dick Knight
he told me the Albion might
have somewhere to play to be annouced any day
but Prescott MUST get it right

 

[Kylies Stunt Arse]

And since when has Cullip been a full back?

 

[Sonic]

At supper one day with Dick Knight,
I said to him 'Something ain't right',
'A Division 2 club',
'In the grounds of a pub',
'Quite frankly is utterly shite'.

 

[teaboy]

Look, it wasn't ME who started the sodding thing with that crap opening line. At least try to make some of the lines rhyme though, otherwise WHATS THE POINT ?

I thought that as nothing rhymes with Cullip I'd also use other words that don't rhyme with anything - purple, orange, silver, Pethick.

 

[Sussex on Leith]

The Scottish Accent Danny Cullip Limerick, as threatened in my earlier post...


There once was a full-back named Cullip
Who dined with the Queen and Prince Philip
But he picked the wrong door
And found Charles on the floor
With an Indian rent boy named Dilip



OK, not good, this I accept, but the raw materials weren't exactly ideal.

Now to write a limerick beginning "The legend they called Sergei Gotsmanov..."