Strange Goings-on Round our Way

[Wilts]

Granny's nuts to burglar

By JAMIE PYATT

PENSIONER Joyce Edwards found a burglar with his testicles impaled on glass from a window he smashed breaking in.

And when he screamed in agony that he was dying she snapped back: GOOD.

Joyce, 80, had been woken by a crashing sound from her bathroom.

She went to investigate and saw the raider dangling on shards of glass in his groin.

Last night she said: 'He cried out to me, i'm dying, please help me'

'But I was so cross I shouted back 'Good' and ran out of the house.

Joyce, whose husband Leslie is 90, added: Goodness knows what he might have done if he had got into the house before we woke up.

'Leslie is deaf and has had a stroke so couldn't have done much'.

The thief slipped after trapping his head while opening the small top window of the bathroom at the couple's bungalow in Crowthorne, nr Reading, Berks.

His feet crashed though the large frosted window.

Joyce alerted neighbours who dialled 999. One rescuer said the raider lost up to four pints of blood.

He was treated in hospital but medics refused to say whether he had lost either of his testicles.

A man aged 35 from Finchampstead, Berks, was later arrested and charged.

Die you bastard

 

[Marc]

hehe thats cool, if I ever caught a burglar in that situation I'd call the BBC news crew to get it on TV to humiliate him even more...then I'd sit there and poke him with a stick so he realises how annoying it is...then I'd shit on his face and smack a pool cue over his head then..........ok enough

 

[Eddie the Seagull]

What was his name?

Enoch Abollokov?

Taxi.........................

 

[Marc]

Eddie I laughed at that

 

[Brixtaan]

if i caught someone doing that i'd tie him up with his hands behind his back,strap an orange ball in his mouth, make him kneel,get a mate round dressed head to toe in black leather then whisper and giggle from the next room until emerging with a primitive instrument of torture (videos of Palace).

I reckon that should do the trick.

 

[teaboy]

I'd pour salt on him, followed by lashings of TCP, then show him some porn to spice up the situation!

 

[Juan Albion]

Hopefully the bastard had a set of keys to a BMW convertible on him. And a laptop.

 

[DTES]

I'd pour salt on him

That's the one.