Song titles or lyrics that are palpably untrue.

[El Presidente]

"I still haven't found what I'm looking for" according to Bono. The pint sized Irish world problem solver has CLEARLY never looked down the side of the sofa, as it never fails me. Found two socks, a calculator and a DVD copy of 'Anal Academy' there last night, well chuffed I was

 

[Sonic The Hedgehog]

Tousle haired Yorkshire rockers The Music told us to 'Take The Long Road And Walk It'

Bollocks to that, I'm driving.

 

[bhafc99]

I'll believe anything a woman tells me, especially if I want to get into her knickers.

Sadly my optimism and blind faith has proved untrue. For most of last night I tramped up a nearby mountain in order to reach for the stars and make my dream come true. Namely that Rachel Stevens would be waiting in my bed when I returned, cooing that she's got me and I've got her.

Instead I have arm strain, blisters and am too f***ing tired to work properly.

Thanks for nothing, midget, and bollocks to the other six mendacious popstrels in your now-defunct 'club'.

 

[Sonic The Hedgehog]

Spiky haired ex Prodigy singer Keith Flynt told us "I'm a fire starter"

How many more clues do the Plod need to start solving the numerous cases of arson we hear about each year?

 

[Muzzman]

Metalica - One

Lead singer James Hetfield claims that a landmine had taken his arms, legs, hearing, sight and numerous other things... Hard to believe he and the rest of the band managed to create around 5 albums and perform many live concerts after this tradegy.


KNOB!

 

[Barnet Seagull]

Arman Van Helden claims "You don't even know me".

No mate.

I met you once at Fabric and you're a bit of a bell-end to be honest.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

'As long as i gaze on waterloo sunset,
I am in paradise.'

Blimey Ray Davies, bit easily pleased aintcha? Let's get this straight: paradise is a scabby rail terminal in Sarf London where South West Trains ply their grubby trade is it? Ever been anywhere further afield than Croydon when you wrote that? Why not go the whole hog and write a little ditty on the back of a fag packet extolling the virtues of Falmer as an area of outstanding natural beauty while you're at it? Dumbass thin faced bastard.

 

[Tesco in Disguise]

"is it worth the aggravation, to find yourself a job when there's nothing worth working for?"

that's all well and good when you're rock millionaires. for the rest of us, sadly the answer is yes.

 

[Seagullsgonnagetya]

Verse 1
You say that you love me (say you love me)
All of the time (all of the time)
You say that you need me (say you need me)
And that you’ll always be mine (always be mine).
Chorus
And I’m feelin’ Glad all over, yes I’m-a
Glad all over, well baby I’m-a
Glad all over
So glad you’re mine.
Verse 2
I’ll make you happy (make you happy)
You’ll never be blue (never be blue)
You’ll have no sorrow (You’ll have no sorrow)
For I’ll always be true (Always be true).
Repeat chorus, Mid 8 bars
Other girls may try to take me away (take me away)
But you know here by your side I will stay
I’ll stay.
Verse 3
Our love will last now (love will last now)
Till the end of time (the end of time)
Because this love now (all this love now)
Is only yours and mine (yours and mine).
Repeat chorus, Repeat mid 8 bars
Verse 4
All of our lives now
Till the end of time
You know now this love now
Is only yours and mine.
Repeat chorus
Palace, Palace, Palace, Palace

Crystal Palace had an undeserved day at Wembley for the final of 1990 they LOST to Manchester Utd – in a replay after a draw in the first game. And this is the Palace anthem.....

Glad all over...not having that......fistly they are Pallarrse whats to be glad about...and secondly they were LOOSERS...more like covered in their own confusion me thinks

 

[Muzzman]

"Money makes the world go round.. world go round world go round"

errr I think not. There is no force that causes the Earth to rotate. Most of the rotation comes about from the conservation of angular momentum. Angular momentum is given by L=m*w*r2 where m is the mass, w is the angular velocity in rad/s and r is the radius of the circular motion. Due to conservation of angular momentum, if the radius of the orbit decreases, then its angular velocity must increase (as the mass is constant).

 

[Trufflehound]

'The sun has got his hat on, hip hip hip hooray'?

I'm not convinced. The sun is a ball of gas burning at 5000°C and tens of thousands of miles in diameter. Ever if it could find a jaunty little trilby big enough to fit, it would probably burst into flames as soon as it tried to wear it.

 

[Trufflehound]

And while we're on the weather, why did Timbuk 3 say 'The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades'?

No it's not. It's overcast and nearly dark outside. If I went out wearing sunglasses in the very near future, I'd probably walk straight into a lamp post.

 

[Muzzman]

"Strangers in the night, exchanging glances"

Frank you spunkmonkey how the f*** can anyone do that.. unless they have nightvision you DICK!

 

[pasty]

Bananarama sang "I'm your Venus, I'm your fire, your desire"

1 out of 3 I'm afraid girls...

 

[Gritt23]

"Build a bonfire,
build a bonfire,
put Belloti on the top,
put Bill Archer in the middle
and we'll burn the f***ing lot."


Absolutely NOTHING wrong with that song of course, I just fancied typing it out. Gives me a warm feeling inside.

 

[Digweeds Trousers]

Cardigan-clad, sandal-sporting, tee-huggers SteelEye Span hit us with these wise words a few years back.


All around my hat I will wear the green willow
All around my hat for a twelve-month and a day
And if anyone should ask me the reason why I'm wearing it
It's all for my true love who's far far away


Here's a half a pound of reasons, and a quarter pound of sense
A small sprig of time and as much of prudence
You mix them all together and you will plainly see
He's a false deluding young man, let him go farewell he


I am not one to pick holes for the sake of it, but for the love of God Span, what does this jumbled incantation amount to.

The first verse is drivel, as it provides no introduction as to what why or where the hat is doing in the song.

The second verse, well.........I've looked in all the well known cookery books I know and I simply cannot see any self-respecting TV chef attempting to mix that little lot together.

It is just rubbish.

 

[Trufflehound]

The young children once beamed up at Clive Dunn stating :

Grandad we love you.

Speak for yourself, one of my grandads was a self-indulgent misery who made my grannys last few years on this earth absolute hell.

Plus he wasn't their real grandad. He was just some actor made up to look old.

 

[Titanic]

Come, come Dr Feelgood (what a stupid name, if ever there was one!). You must be blind or stupid to believe...

" Some say that you're ugly
Some say that you're past it too
I don't mind when they shoot that line
Cause the oldest fiddle plays the sweetest tune

I want you - best in the world"

She's an OLD MUNTER !

 

[Guest]

Huddled in the safety of a pseudo silk kimono
wearing bracelets of smoke, naked of understanding.
Nicotine smears, long, long dried tears, invisible tears.
Safe in my own words, learning from my own words,

I somewhat suspect he was huddled in the safety of an old mac wearing someone elses trousers with no understading of how he got there.

The only clue might be the sticky crisp packet, two empty cans of Copydex and a runny nose.

 

[Muzzman]

Bearded animal lover Rolf Harris once asked to have his kangaroo tied down for sport.. Correct me if I'm wrong Mr. Harris but do you actually own a kangaroo?