Song titles or lyrics that are palpably untrue.

[Digweeds Trousers]

The young children once beamed up at Clive Dunn stating :

Grandad we love you.

Speak for yourself, one of my grandads was a self-indulgent misery who made my grannys last few years on this earth absolute hell.

 

[Chester Drawers]

Driftwood : Travis

"No man is an Island"

(except for the Isle of Man that is!)

 

[Titanic]

Strawberry Fields are not forever

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/merseyside/4167379.stm

 

[Chopper West]

"Brown Sugar you taste so good" witters snakehipped lothario and father of dozens Mick Jagger. Try telling that to a diabetic!

 

[Ex Shelton Seagull]

"To avoid complications
She never kept the same address"

Mercury, God rest your soul, you really did write some shite. How does constantly changing your address make things simple? You telling me that by f***ing around and moving every day you avoid complications. If I went out with a bird who did that i'd tell her to f*** off sharpish.

Plum.

 

[El Presidente]

"Everyone's doing the locomotion" according to Kylie Minogue. I can confidently state that I have never had sexual intercourse with a train, so she is clearly untrue

 

[Bwian]

I'm surprised that 60's artists the Hollies are still with us.

They told an entire generation that 'All you need is the air that you breathe and to love someone'

Now I'm no scientist but Basal Metablolic Rate (BMR) denotes

C6H12O6 + 6O2 =6CO2 + 6H2O.

Missed out Glucose there didn't you, ya scouse twats.

They're MANCS

 

[El Presidente]

"De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da, is all I want to say to you" sings tantric sex obsessed bunny hugger Geordie Sting.

Clearly incorrect as "f*** off Sting" would be my first words to him.

 

[Dover]

Judie Tzuke. Sung the line..."I'll show you a sunset, if you stay with me 'till dawn."

Do me a favour. Has the world changed slightly.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Egyptians walk nothing LIKE that

 

[The Large One]

'I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony...'

One: that would take you a bloody long time, because, two, everyone knows that the Patagonians are tone-deaf and like to sing off-key, ruining it for everyone. So, fat chance.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

'Some people call me the space cowboy
Some call me the gangster of love
Some people call me Maurice'

Nobody just calls you Steve Miller then?

 

[MattBackHome]

"D'you wanna be in my gang?" squawked glam-rock perv Gary Glitter.

Er, not really mate.

 

[bigc]

"To avoid complications
She never kept the same address"

Mercury, God rest your soul, you really did write some shite. How does constantly changing your address make things simple? You telling me that by f***ing around and moving every day you avoid complications. If I went out with a bird who did that i'd tell her to f*** off sharpish.

Plum.

thats why he was gay. his girlfriends kept moving around so he got fed up with it

stupid birds..lol

 

[H block]

Bobby Goldsboro............. Honey

She crashed the car and she was sad,
and so afraid that I`d be mad,
But what the heck.

Sorry Bobby I would have been a tad more critical of her driving.

 

[Dover]

Bardot. One of our useless Eurovision enrties sang...

"I was tossed and turning like a ship without a sea."

Sorry. No sea, ship goes over on it's side and stays there.

 

[El Presidente]

"it's 1969 Okay".

Oi Jagger NO, it is 2005

 

[Simster]

"I'm free to do what I want, any old time" sang the Soup Dragons.

It's a shame Gary Glitter didn't realise this was bullshit because he's now in the clink for kiddie fiddling.

 

[El Presidente]

" Love is in the air " according to John Paul Young. Not if you wear a condom it isn't.

 

[The Large One]

'Zoom, just one look and then my heart went boom.'

Only if your pacemaker is cranked up to 11. Other than that, suggest a brief lie down, plenty of rest and a nice cup of tea.