severnside gull admits to Blowing off in public

[Baron Pepperpot]

A lady at work once had a wind problem. She couldn't help it mind, but the smell was violent. She was once sitting on the break-room sofa next to me and got up and walked away. As she did so the most awful smell slowly wafted up around me. I was on the phone at the time and I almost choked. Basically I was the epi-centre of the blast.

 

[Dan Aitch]

The queue for Falmer trains from Brighton is typified by the smell of unwashed, beer-drenched fart-emitters. I guess that's what the weekends are for.

 

[Coach_Carter_92]

But my mother always told me it was nice to share

 

[carlzeiss]

Better out than in .

 

[Brighton TID]

Along with anal warts I have a problem with fatty hating gingerphobes who think their own farts don't stink.

When did I say that my farts don't stink? In fact they do, a lot, sometimes, particularly after a sprout eating session, but I choose to keep them confined to under my duvet for my wife's consumption only, and not release them in public places which is disgusting.

 

[red star portslade]

Dropped my guts in what I thought was an empty lift once. I though everyone had got out so let a proper trouser rattler rip. A real nasty ****er it was, went on for several seconds, changing pitch and tone as it bubbled out.
I heard a strangled squeak behind me and looked round into the traumatised eyes of a horrified woman, gagging and trying not to be sick.
She got out on the next floor covering her mouth and nose.
Complete over reaction from her tbh, because as bad as it sounded it wasn't actually that smelly.
Not the only time I've thought I was alone and been caught out either. I frequently drop my guts in the supermarket if I think I've found a quiet aisle. More than once it's registered louder on the Richter scale than anticipated and I've rounded the cornflakes to find someone pushing a trolley with either an amused or disgusted look on their face.

 

[Harry H]

Farting is funny.I remember my old grandads rhyme.

"Wherever you go
Wherever you be
Always let your wind go free."

 

[Zukey Seagull]

Well, I can kind of beat that. I work for an alarm company and wash doing a demonstration to a customer. Showing how to use the system.
As I started talking I was making eye contact and she was looking at me and just let one go, could not believe it. I did not know what to say it was rather loud and she just tried to ignore it.
So it was the awkward situation of both of us staring at each other, me wondering if I should carry on the conversation or make a joke of it.

Might not sound that funny.

 

[Barrel of Fun]

Well, I can kind of beat that. I work for an alarm company and wash doing a demonstration to a customer. Showing how to use the system.
As I started talking I was making eye contact and she was looking at me and just let one go, could not believe it. I did not know what to say it was rather loud and she just tried to ignore it.
So it was the awkward situation of both of us staring at each other, me wondering if I should carry on the conversation or make a joke of it.

Might not sound that funny.

Like any good North Korean. Blame it on the dog... you have just eaten.

 

[Baldseagull]

It is disgusting when someone else does it, but most amusing when you, yourself emit a deadly air biscuit for the consumption of others.
If I am with friends and I float one out, I sometimes ask aloud, "can you smell popcorn?", this ensures that those around me take a nice deep inhalation into their noses to see if they can indeed smell popcorn, the faces of people half expecting to catch a whiff of the sweet smell of popcorn but getting a lung full of sulphur instead is something to behold and I urge you all to try it next time you have the gas to do so.

Another trick, not done myself since I have reached adulthood though, is the cuff-a-guff puff. The trick is to catch a handful of the arse gas in your hand, quickly bring your hand to your mouth and breathe it in, you now blow it out directly into the face of an unsuspecting loved one. This works best with the SBD's

If you can't bear to suck in your own fart, or you are at home alone, a good alternative is to fart into the biscuit tin and quickly replace the lid. The airtight container keeps the fart fresh for hours so that when the missus comes home, you can make her a nice cup of tea, then produce the biscuit tin and open it up in her face, you can choose your own line here but I use "digestive?"

 

[Brighton TID]

Well, I can kind of beat that. I work for an alarm company and wash doing a demonstration to a customer. Showing how to usle the system.
As I started talking I was making eye contact and she was looking at me and just let one go, could not believe it. I did not know what to say it was rather loud and she just tried to ignore it.
So it was the awkward situation of both of us staring at each other, me wondering if I should carry on the conversation or make a joke of it.

Might not sound that funny.

Was it a 'fanny' fart?

 

[LamieRobertson]

Nice change of thread title

 

[severnside gull]

I can't help blowing off sorry......

If only we had mods with the gumption to change the thread title.

Exceptional

Forget farting - made me laugh so I nearly pee'd myself

 

[hitony]

Nice change of thread title

Strange things happen on NSC..........

 

[BN9 BHA]

Dropped my guts in what I thought was an empty lift once. I though everyone had got out so let a proper trouser rattler rip. A real nasty ****er it was, went on for several seconds, changing pitch and tone as it bubbled out.
I heard a strangled squeak behind me and looked round into the traumatised eyes of a horrified woman, gagging and trying not to be sick.
She got out on the next floor covering her mouth and nose.
Complete over reaction from her tbh, because as bad as it sounded it wasn't actually that smelly.
Not the only time I've thought I was alone and been caught out either. I frequently drop my guts in the supermarket if I think I've found a quiet aisle. More than once it's registered louder on the Richter scale than anticipated and I've rounded the cornflakes to find someone pushing a trolley with either an amused or disgusted look on their face.

How big was this lift??