Rubbish Jokes

[BN9 BHA]

I keep imagining I'm holding a pack of invisible cards.

No one knows what I'm dealing with......

 

[super-seagulls]

How do you make a bear cross?

Nail two together.



How many children with attention deficit disorder does it take to change a light bulb?

Let's go and play on the swings.

 

[WATFORD zero]

My mum says i have ADH...why don't we play football ?

 

[BN9 BHA]

I've just been run over by a hire car.

Bloody Hertz.......

 

[AmexRuislip]

Hey. Do you like coffee?
Because I need to espresso my feelings.

How do you make a tissue dance?!?
You put a little boogie in it!!!!



Why does Waldo wear stripes?
Because he doesn't want to be spotted

 

[supaseagull]

How many dinosaurs can jump as high as a house?

All of them houses cant jump

 

[BN9 BHA]

My father died of exhaustion after winning the Tour De France

I told him not to do a lap of honour....

 

[Razzoo]

Shakespeare walks into a bar and the landlord says I'm sorry I can't serve you, you're Bard.

 

[drew]

How many dinosaurs can jump as high as a house?

All of them houses cant jump

Could all dinosaurs jump though? Adult elephants can't and I would imagine the Brontosaurus or Brachiosaurus would be pretty similar!!

 

[Goldstone1976]

A rubbish joke:

Who smells and pilots a spaceship? Trash Gordon.

 

[Bombadier Botty]

'I'll have the ploughman's lunch' I said to the landlord of my local.
'No you bloody well won't!' some bloke sitting on a Shire horse in the corner eating a plate of chicken and chips shouted over.

Not long until the England game now gang - 00:30 hrs GMT. Come on England!

 

[BN9 BHA]

I just got back from my mates funeral, he got killed by a tennis ball.

It was a cracking service.

 

[OzMike]

What's round white and giggles?
A tickled onion.

 

[OzMike]

Two pieces of black tarmac were causing trouble in a pub.
As the landlord went over to have a word, a pink piece came in and they went quiet and sat in the corner.
The black pieces told the landlord to watch out for the pink piece because he was a cycle path.

 

[Adders1]

'Doctor, doctor - every time I look in the mirror I get aroused'

'That's because you look like a c**t'

 

[Wrong-Direction]

Two chimpanzees sitting in a bath, one says to the other "oo oo ah ah ahh!"
The other says "if its that bloody hot put some cold in!"

 

[Soulman]

I see Exit signs are on the way out...............

 

[East Preston Gull]

I went to the pub and asked the barman for an orange juice."Still orange" he asked. I replied " Yeah mate, I haven't changed my mind"

 

[Insel affe]

The wife texted me the other day saying she was in casualty...

I got home last night and watched all fifty minutes and I did not see her once lying cow......

She is still not home, I'm bloody starving....

 

[TSB]

Why are Belgians hard to understand?

They waffle.