Roughest bird you have ever been in?

[Mendoza]

I got my hand stuck in the turkey last christmas, was trying to add some cranberry stuffing and nearly lost my watch.

The turkey wasnt even ORGANIC!!

 

[tip top]

On holiday in Newquay about 15 years ago with a munter from Bristol. Out the back of the pub bent over she said before I'd finished she required it up the wrongun. It really wasn't particularly nice down there given the smell, so I politely declined. Cue her to turn round and punch me full in the face. Can still see her staggering away trying to pull up her cacks. Nice girl's the Bristolians

 

[desprateseagull]

after a few beers, met a nice lady in the Gloucester club.. got to dancing, snogging, and a quicky in the los...

only when mates pics got developed (pre digi cameras) did i realise what an old dog she was - thank feck for beer goggles!

 

[Scotty Mac]

whichever one gave me a RASH - i believe the mother of two was the culprit

 

[Collar Feeler]

When i was in the Navy.... (Now that statement alone should warn of the munters I've been with!) and discounting the whoring which as a Sailor is a rite of passage along with getting a crap tattoo, I once pulled a large framed American moose in Virginia Beach, Florida whose old man was in the US Air Force and away in Germany. I did her on the beach and got sand up me arse! She was proper rats but took it like a good un which i imagine she did quite regularly. She even wrote to me after!! Well.. wrote to my mate whose name I gave her when she asked, hehe.

 

[¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤]

A dead one

 

[steward 433]

A dead one

Necrophile

 

[Collar Feeler]

Christ, how could I forget a Wren I stuffed during my basic training in Torpoint, Cornwall. Her surname was Ogden so we all called her Hilda which was apt since she was just as f***ing ugly! She was a Lesbian I recall but being the silver tongued raconteur i was in those days I managed to get her to swop bus tickets for one night only and shagged her whilst crunching around on broken beer bottles discarded amongst the trees behind the pub we were in!! Never let it be said i didn't have class! I was very very drunk.

On reflection maybe she became a Lesbian after that encounter?!?

 

[¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤]

Christ, how could I forget a Wren I stuffed during my basic training in Torpoint, Cornwall. Her surname was Ogden so we all called her Hilda which was apt since she was just as f***ing ugly! She was a Lesbian I recall but being the silver tongued raconteur i was in those days I managed to get her to swop bus tickets for one night only and shagged her whilst crunching around on broken beer bottles discarded amongst the trees behind the pub we were in!! Never let it be said i didn't have class! I was very very drunk.

On reflection maybe she became a Lesbian after that encounter?!?

There are SO many laws you broke there I'm sure.

Typical old bill, one rule for them...

 

[Bars Mar]

Honestly - A Bird Who Was Working As A Chalet Maid At Butlins Bognor. I Puked Whilst She Was Riding Me.

She Didn't Stop.

I May Also Have Shat Myself That Night And Left My Boxers In Their Laundry Bin.

It Was Not Beautiful.

 

[Collar Feeler]

There are SO many laws you broke there I'm sure.

Typical old bill, one rule for them...

Danny, Just don't tell my wife! She thinks I was such a nice lad when I was in the Navy! And i wasn't Old Bill then, not even Young Bill, i was out breaking laws with the rest of you!

 

[John Dorian]

definately my first, and my first at university as well. let me paint the picture for u.....

In my first freshers week, i was a bit wild as it was the first proper time id been away from home with no ties...found myself in places i didnt know existed.. anyway, ended up just starin at this birds massive tits, and when i say massive, i mean GG...unfortunately the number preceding that was 40...UNCOOL !!! the easiest pull ive ever accomplished, she basically, from what i remember, walked over, grabbed me by the hand and said "come on then"...OH JOY....

anyway, when i woke u, she was GINGER, SCOTTISH, FAT, SELF HARMED, SMELT OF SWEAT and.......SHE HAD A f***ing LAZY EYE !!!!! i think it may actually have been a glass one, altho didnt go back for a second look.

bad times, bad, bad times.... who said no sex before marriage is a bad thing ??

 

[John Dorian]

just to let u no....i didnt realise that at the time....honest !!!

 

[Beach Hut]

Kind of got pulled by a ginger when in Sherrys who lived in those flats as was at the top of Whitehawk.

Pretty sure her name was Lorraine and we had a very good night back at her Mums flat but on reflection not very good all round.

The worst was Sunday morning walking down that long road out of Whitehawk - crapped myself big time.

 

[Elder for England]

It was a LONG time ago Les and I had all but erased her from my memory.

Then you come along and the revolting, sweaty, 'what the f*** is that' memories have come FLOODING back.

Thanks

....and yet you still slept with her.

 

[steward 433]

....and yet you still slept with her.

Have you never made a mistake with a bloke then??

 

[Man of Harveys]

Could I just tick the "fat Welsh" box, alongside Hiney and Les? Thanks.

 

[Kylies Stunt Arse]

....and yet you still slept with her.

Westons Organic has a lot to answer for...

 

[steward 433]

Could I just tick the "fat Welsh" box, alongside Hiney and Les? Thanks.

Nope need a full description and reason

 

[Elder for England]

On holiday in Newquay about 15 years ago with a munter from Bristol. Out the back of the pub bent over she said before I'd finished she required it up the wrongun. It really wasn't particularly nice down there given the smell, so I politely declined. Cue her to turn round and punch me full in the face. Can still see her staggering away trying to pull up her cacks. Nice girl's the Bristolians

She sounds awful, but your story leads me to believe you were also involved??