Quantas Pilots "Gripe Sheet"

[ManxSeagull]

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.


P= The problem logged by the pilot.)
S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

 

[dougdeep]

Quality.

 

[Hiney]

Brilliant

 

[Dropkick Turnip]

But not necessarily true:

http://www.snopes.com/travel/airline/squawk.asp

 

[Bluejuice]

Whilst sadly this is a fabrication, it's not far off from the real thing. I work in engineering at Gatwick and you'd be surprised by some of the ridiculous complaints made by airline staff. Needless to say our engineers will often respond with a pinch of salt if the request borders on the ridiculous.

However as such information is strictly classified it is unlikely to be doing the rounds on the internet!

 

[Disco Ken]

Who do you work for Blue juice?

 

[Kinky Gerbil]

 

[Rougvie]

Whilst sadly this is a fabrication, it's not far off from the real thing. I work in engineering at Gatwick and you'd be surprised by some of the ridiculous complaints made by airline staff. Needless to say our engineers will often respond with a pinch of salt if the request borders on the ridiculous.

However as such information is strictly classified it is unlikely to be doing the rounds on the internet!

Too true, Biscuit chuckers (hosties) are the worst offenders, sometimes holding back flights for hours to get something as trivial as a seat repaired, although my favourite was when we used to do a mail run from Gatwick to Guernsey and the Captain refused to go because he had no milk for his tea and therefore he said he had not been provided with the correct tools for his nights work.

Primadonna is not the word.

 

[Easy 10]

Primadonna is not the word.

No, its not.
I think "wanker" fits the bill.

 

[tedebear]

to be fair - when you get up on a sunday morning and there isn't milk for your tea or coffee - its not a great start to the day!!

 

[zefarelly]

to be fair - when you get up on a sunday morning and there isn't milk for your tea or coffee - its not a great start to the day!!

and if you where in Gatwick or anywhere near Crawley it could be an absolute nightmare