Brixtaan
New member
Anyone got yesterdays Mirror? i want to see/hear about the Prem teams if they where a woman.Anyone?
Prem teams if they were a woman
- Thread starter Brixtaan
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tinx
Well-known member
I posted this last week sometime
tinx
Well-known member
Beach Hut
Brighton Bhuna Boy
Is it this ?
Arsenal - Angelina Jolie - Look good, a bit maverick at times and you know they have the potential to really f**k you over.
Aston Villa - Dido - One big hit. Fairly inoffensive really
Birmingham City - Maria Carey - Occasionally interesting, frequently annoying. Supporters are thick
Blackburn Rovers - Melanie Sykes - Common as muck Lancy, constantly worrying.
Bolton Wanderers - Natalie Imbruglia - Always looks like she might go down but never does!
Charlton Athletic - Martine McCutcheon - Chirpy Cockney with the ability to spring a few surprises!
Chelsea - Maggie Thatcher - Hated by millions, supported by idiots!
Everton - Barbara Windsor - Been laughing at those tits so long we forget that once upon a time they actually looked quite good!
Fulham - Andrea Corr - Not bad to look at but not much of her. Seems a bit awestruck with fame.
Leicester City - Patsy Palmer - Generally a bit crap and second rate really, but some people like her.
Leeds United - Christina Aguilera - Dirrrty
Liverpool - Sophie Ellis Bextor - Individually all the components look fantastic - just doesn't work when put together.
Man City - Madonna - Have been big at times - now lost the plot a bit - ageing stars. Nice new home though.
Man United - Jordan - Dominated by tits. Quite repulsive really
Middlesborough - Tara Palmer Tompkinson - Can look quite good at the back - but nothing at all up front to speak of.
Newcastle United - Pamela Anderson - Can look good. Various unsavoury elements though.
Portsmouth - Chrissie Hynde - On the face of it a has-been but you're quite interested in what she's going to do next.
Southampton - Kylie Minogue - Sometimes you feel sorry for them. They're not huge but you've got a bit of a soft spot.
Tottenham Hotspur - Kim Wilde - Glamerous in the 80's not so nice to watch now.
Wolverhampton Wanderers - Lynda Lovelace - Big in the 70's guaranteed to go down.
Arsenal - Angelina Jolie - Look good, a bit maverick at times and you know they have the potential to really f**k you over.
Aston Villa - Dido - One big hit. Fairly inoffensive really
Birmingham City - Maria Carey - Occasionally interesting, frequently annoying. Supporters are thick
Blackburn Rovers - Melanie Sykes - Common as muck Lancy, constantly worrying.
Bolton Wanderers - Natalie Imbruglia - Always looks like she might go down but never does!
Charlton Athletic - Martine McCutcheon - Chirpy Cockney with the ability to spring a few surprises!
Chelsea - Maggie Thatcher - Hated by millions, supported by idiots!
Everton - Barbara Windsor - Been laughing at those tits so long we forget that once upon a time they actually looked quite good!
Fulham - Andrea Corr - Not bad to look at but not much of her. Seems a bit awestruck with fame.
Leicester City - Patsy Palmer - Generally a bit crap and second rate really, but some people like her.
Leeds United - Christina Aguilera - Dirrrty
Liverpool - Sophie Ellis Bextor - Individually all the components look fantastic - just doesn't work when put together.
Man City - Madonna - Have been big at times - now lost the plot a bit - ageing stars. Nice new home though.
Man United - Jordan - Dominated by tits. Quite repulsive really
Middlesborough - Tara Palmer Tompkinson - Can look quite good at the back - but nothing at all up front to speak of.
Newcastle United - Pamela Anderson - Can look good. Various unsavoury elements though.
Portsmouth - Chrissie Hynde - On the face of it a has-been but you're quite interested in what she's going to do next.
Southampton - Kylie Minogue - Sometimes you feel sorry for them. They're not huge but you've got a bit of a soft spot.
Tottenham Hotspur - Kim Wilde - Glamerous in the 80's not so nice to watch now.
Wolverhampton Wanderers - Lynda Lovelace - Big in the 70's guaranteed to go down.
Brixtaan
New member
- Thread starter
- #8
Mirror WHICH WOMAN WOULD YOUR TEAM BE? STARS ON THE WAY TO RELEGATION OR GLORY
By Jill Foster And Claire Donnelly
They're world famous, millions copy their outfits and every young man dreams of teaming up with them.
Premiership football clubs and celebrity women have a huge amount in common.
But which club relates to which star?
Here we compare the 20 Premiership sides with 20 stars who sum up their attributes perfectly, from championship-chasers Catherine Zeta-Jones and Posh Spice to surprise package Jade Goody and girl-next-door Rachel Stevens.
________________
ARSENAL = NAOMI CAMPBELL:
Manages to disguise her South London roots. Obsessed with style and has had some problems on her travels. Can look good but volatile under pressure. Prone to lashing out when provoked.
ASTON VILLA = JUDY FINNIGAN
Shakier than she used to be and the cracks are increasingly starting to show - it's hard to believe that only a few years ago she was quite well fancied.
BIRMINGHAM = JADE GOODY
Was a bit rough round the edges but starting to look quite tasty after a lot of work - particularly at the rear. Not always the brightest but surprising everyone by sticking around in the spotlight.
BLACKBURN = KYM MARSH
Plucked from obscurity to enjoy one flash of success a few years ago but only because of the pots of money behind her. Could very easily get relegated this year.
________________
BOLTON = DEIRDRE RACHID
Lancashire institution who surprises her fans just by being there year after year, though overshadowed by more glamorous neighbours. Fond of foreigners. The axe has got to come one day, but perhaps not yet.
CHARLTON = DENISE VAN OUTEN
Inoffensive, welcoming sort who has gone a long way on very little resources. Slowly gaining respectability with some good shows but a fall from grace could come any time.
CHELSEA = CATHERINE ZETA-JONES
Looked good on and off for many years without achieving anything of note. Suddenly gets into bed with a wealthy foreigner who splashes out a ton of cash and starts to impress overseas.
________________
EVERTON = DEMI MOORE
Best years are long gone despite lots of surgery and a hanging-on-in-there attitude. Recent find of a star toy-boy may improve her prospects slightly, as long as he doesn't leave for pastures greener.
FULHAM = SADIE FROST
A few rough patches after a steady rise to the top, thanks to one man. He's since got rid of her but she's picking up again with the help of a new, younger manager.
LEEDS = MEL B
Yorkshire lass who enjoyed a spell at the top but whose taste for the finer things in life has left her out of pocket. Recently had to sell assets. Needs substantial investment to rediscover old form.
________________
LEICESTER = JORDAN
Looking to get by with a minimum of talent, no subtlety and a couple of big lads up front. Gets through a fair share of journeymen players too. Favourite to go down.
LIVERPOOL = MADONNA
Top class back in the 80s and early 90s and blew all the competition away. Now living off past glories. Appears distinctly lacking in decent new ideas and is no longer as attractive to look at.
MAN CITY = MARTINE McCUTCHEON
Tried to re-invent herself recently but everyone remembers her unremarkable past. Seems to have a fiercely loyal support but no one quite knows why they've stuck with her.
_________________
MAN UTD = POSH SPICE
Pouting prima donna, never afraid of flashing her cash or shameless self-promotion. Struggling to hit the heights of 1999 but still a merchandising phenomenon in the Far East. Constantly changing her outfit.
MIDDLESBROUGH = EMMA BUNTON
Still struggling to do anything major, despite some expensive signings and looking good a few years ago. A few promising single performances but could soon be fighting relegation.
NEWCASTLE = CHERYL TWEEDY
Fighting the North East's corner - literally. Sassy Geordie with plenty of attitude. Dangerous when provoked. Assets looked after by one of the most respected managers in the game.
PORTSMOUTH = CLAIRE SWEENEY
Been around a while and recently found herself back in the big time. But most of her assets are past their best. Got a bit of ability, however can't see her going the distance.
________________
SOUTHAMPTON = RACHEL STEVENS
Girl next door - recently moved to pastures new. Everyone's second favourite. Might go far, might not. Who cares? Definite lack of strength in depth but manager making the most of her.
SPURS = JOAN COLLINS
Hasn't done anything for decades but still acts like a big star. Puts on a good show for the die-hard fans but best days are behind her, despite injection of young talent.
WOLVES = SHERYL GASCOIGNE
Who else would be deluded enough to give Gazza another chance? Looked good on the B-list but out of her depth in the top flight. Overshadowed by far more glamorous rivals.
much much funnier:
By Jill Foster And Claire Donnelly
They're world famous, millions copy their outfits and every young man dreams of teaming up with them.
Premiership football clubs and celebrity women have a huge amount in common.
But which club relates to which star?
Here we compare the 20 Premiership sides with 20 stars who sum up their attributes perfectly, from championship-chasers Catherine Zeta-Jones and Posh Spice to surprise package Jade Goody and girl-next-door Rachel Stevens.
________________
ARSENAL = NAOMI CAMPBELL:
Manages to disguise her South London roots. Obsessed with style and has had some problems on her travels. Can look good but volatile under pressure. Prone to lashing out when provoked.
ASTON VILLA = JUDY FINNIGAN
Shakier than she used to be and the cracks are increasingly starting to show - it's hard to believe that only a few years ago she was quite well fancied.
BIRMINGHAM = JADE GOODY
Was a bit rough round the edges but starting to look quite tasty after a lot of work - particularly at the rear. Not always the brightest but surprising everyone by sticking around in the spotlight.
BLACKBURN = KYM MARSH
Plucked from obscurity to enjoy one flash of success a few years ago but only because of the pots of money behind her. Could very easily get relegated this year.
________________
BOLTON = DEIRDRE RACHID
Lancashire institution who surprises her fans just by being there year after year, though overshadowed by more glamorous neighbours. Fond of foreigners. The axe has got to come one day, but perhaps not yet.
CHARLTON = DENISE VAN OUTEN
Inoffensive, welcoming sort who has gone a long way on very little resources. Slowly gaining respectability with some good shows but a fall from grace could come any time.
CHELSEA = CATHERINE ZETA-JONES
Looked good on and off for many years without achieving anything of note. Suddenly gets into bed with a wealthy foreigner who splashes out a ton of cash and starts to impress overseas.
________________
EVERTON = DEMI MOORE
Best years are long gone despite lots of surgery and a hanging-on-in-there attitude. Recent find of a star toy-boy may improve her prospects slightly, as long as he doesn't leave for pastures greener.
FULHAM = SADIE FROST
A few rough patches after a steady rise to the top, thanks to one man. He's since got rid of her but she's picking up again with the help of a new, younger manager.
LEEDS = MEL B
Yorkshire lass who enjoyed a spell at the top but whose taste for the finer things in life has left her out of pocket. Recently had to sell assets. Needs substantial investment to rediscover old form.
________________
LEICESTER = JORDAN
Looking to get by with a minimum of talent, no subtlety and a couple of big lads up front. Gets through a fair share of journeymen players too. Favourite to go down.
LIVERPOOL = MADONNA
Top class back in the 80s and early 90s and blew all the competition away. Now living off past glories. Appears distinctly lacking in decent new ideas and is no longer as attractive to look at.
MAN CITY = MARTINE McCUTCHEON
Tried to re-invent herself recently but everyone remembers her unremarkable past. Seems to have a fiercely loyal support but no one quite knows why they've stuck with her.
_________________
MAN UTD = POSH SPICE
Pouting prima donna, never afraid of flashing her cash or shameless self-promotion. Struggling to hit the heights of 1999 but still a merchandising phenomenon in the Far East. Constantly changing her outfit.
MIDDLESBROUGH = EMMA BUNTON
Still struggling to do anything major, despite some expensive signings and looking good a few years ago. A few promising single performances but could soon be fighting relegation.
NEWCASTLE = CHERYL TWEEDY
Fighting the North East's corner - literally. Sassy Geordie with plenty of attitude. Dangerous when provoked. Assets looked after by one of the most respected managers in the game.
PORTSMOUTH = CLAIRE SWEENEY
Been around a while and recently found herself back in the big time. But most of her assets are past their best. Got a bit of ability, however can't see her going the distance.
________________
SOUTHAMPTON = RACHEL STEVENS
Girl next door - recently moved to pastures new. Everyone's second favourite. Might go far, might not. Who cares? Definite lack of strength in depth but manager making the most of her.
SPURS = JOAN COLLINS
Hasn't done anything for decades but still acts like a big star. Puts on a good show for the die-hard fans but best days are behind her, despite injection of young talent.
WOLVES = SHERYL GASCOIGNE
Who else would be deluded enough to give Gazza another chance? Looked good on the B-list but out of her depth in the top flight. Overshadowed by far more glamorous rivals.
much much funnier: