Post a joke

[philgull25]

A woman was outside smoking a pub and a freind cam out to join her.

She said to her frewind 'whats that round you fag?'

Woman 1 said 'its a condom its to keep its dey. You get them from any chemist'

Women 2 decides to try it out and goes to a chemist the next day and ask for a condom.

The chemist clerk say 'i will need you to be more specific, what sort of condom?'

Woman 2 says 'I dont care as long as it fits on a camel'

Boom Boom....

Post your recent favs

 

[Slade's Head Polisher]

One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "bitch" and the women called the man a "bastard".

Their son walked in and said "What does bitch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".

The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dick".

Their son walked in and asked "What does titties and dick mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats".

On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Sh*t" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.

Down stairs the mum was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "F*ck" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.

Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you bitches and bastards, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the sh*t off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen f*cking the turkey!

 

[Don Quixote]

A man walked down the street.

He sees a porn shop.

He goes in. "Do you sell porn" he says.

"No," the man says.

The man walks out the shop.



I am a genius.

 

[Slade's Head Polisher]

A man walked down the street.

He sees a porn shop.

He goes in. "Do you sell porn" he says.

"No," the man says.

The man walks out the shop.



I am a genius.

the single most best joke in the world

5 stars

*****

 

[Whitterz]

 

[Archibald Leach]

Two parrots sitting on a perch, one says to the other "can you smell fish ?"

 

[R. Slicker]

Blonde wife calls her husband & says she's run out of petrol but is scared to fill up with petrol,
"why"" asks the husband.
"because of swine flu" says the wife.
"No, you daft twat, it's Mexico not Texaco" replies the husband

 

[dennis]

A guy gets community service and is told to turn up for work at 1000 on Saturday morning.

When he arrives he is asked if he can drive and he says yes.

He is then given the keys to a min bus and sees that there are 12 blind people sitting in the back. He is told to give them an enjoyable day out and given £50 cash to pay for it.

The male drives through the countryside for a couple of hours and comes across a village which is having a country fair on the village green. There is a lovely looking pub and the male decides to stop.

He gets them all out the back and he says

“come on gang we’re going to have a game of football on the green.”

With that one of them says, “don’t be stupid we’re blind how can we play football.”

The male then picks up a football, he shakes it and a bell starts ringing inside the ball. The blind people all cheer and the male throws the ball onto the green amongst all the festivities, the blind people charge after the ball.

The male then darts into the pub for a drink with the £50.

As he’s on his second pint the village copper walks in says “ Who’s in charge of all these blind people outside?”

“ I am “ says the male “ Is there a problem officer”

the copper replies “ I should say so, they’ve just kicked f*** out of the Morris dancers “

 

[Spicy]

Blonde wife calls her husband & says she's run out of petrol but is scared to fill up with petrol,
"why"" asks the husband.
"because of swine flu" says the wife.
"No, you daft twat, it's Mexico not Texaco" replies the husband

That appeals to my weird sense of humour.

 

[siclean]

what time do chinamen go to dentist ? tooth hurty....
knock knock. whos there ?
big ish
big ish who ?
stick it up yer arse!
knock knock. who s there
yar
yar who ?
no guy from aol actually!
what do labour party and used tampon have in common? they are both a bloody mess!
ronaldo..doctor doctor everytime i look in the mirror i see this really lovely thing stareing at me that looks and feels so tasty...doctor..thats cause your a ****!!!

 

[Insel affe]

aaahhh that old chestnut..........classic early 80s joke, i remember that one all to well

 

[champion7]

A man is lying on a beach wearing nothing but a hat to cover his bits,2 women walk past
and one says to the man,if you were a gentleman you would raise your hat when a lady walks by.
Gentleman replies,if you weren't so f**king ugly the hat would have raised itself.