Pointless company "team building" days

[father_and_son]

Claim an allergy to chocolate and refuse to attend on H&S grounds. Then they still plan to go ahead without you, complain to HR about your exclusion from a key event and claim discrimination. Threaten to sue.

The whole stupid thing will be abandoned immediately. The "hilarity will be pretty much guaranteed"!!!



I've done the raft-building, lego bridge-building, egg dropping bollocks all before. The best team building days have been... "get out of the office to a swanky hotel, chat for a few hours about how you can't get any work done because of so-and-so or some sh*t system, then get utterly smashed in the hotel bar until 5 in the morning". When you've seen everyone at their very worst you function so much better as a team because everyone has the dirt on everyone else and no one can afford to break ranks!

 

[Badger]

Be warned if you work for a company that sends you on these team building events. I have freelanced for these companies before doing roleplay etc and more than one very big company has used these days to decide who they will make redundant in the near future.

Not really an issue for me now though (see previous post)

 

[Nibble]

Not really an issue for me now though (see previous post)

Ha yes I saw. Good for you!

 

[Badger]

Well it turned out being not quite as bad as I was expecting but I don't feel my feel my team skills have been enriched in any way whatsoever, and it's an afternoon I'm never going to get back.

Thankfully I got put in a team with 6 people that were equally as excited by the whole thing as I was, I think this is why it was bearable. One guy did try and get enthusiastic but we soon set him straight and he came round to our way of thinking.

This is how things panned out:
- The guy running it spoke to us is if we were children at some craft group
- We got shown how to make chocolates by one of his "angels" (yes this is what he called his assistants)
- We were told to make chocolates and present an advert for our "target market" (ours was "baby shower")
- My contribution was to make the boxes, I feel I did my part
- The host and the "angels" wore masks of Alan Sugar and the guys from Dragon's Den (this was where hilarity ensued)
- It turned out our advert was only the second least thought out and we didn't finish last



On the plus side we did all go out for the night and I am nursing a pretty severe hangover this morning.

 

[strings]

I have just received the agenda for my company's annual away days. It is all very professional and work-related, except one item. Hat-making. Lovely. Couldn't they just give us an extra hour in the bar instead?

 

[Sergei's Celebration]

The last i did of these was quad biking with a bar involved. We turned up went to the bar got drunk and about two hours later asked the owner if we could get on the quad bikes, he was a little taken aback 'i didn't think you actually wanted to ride them, i thought you just want the beer'.

I love these types of days.

 

[franks brother]

Team Building Waterboarding

 

[Commander]

I'm sure some people on here have been subjected to this sort of thing, what is the worst you have been forced to attend?

This is the "fun and japes" our company will be having tomorrow:


"The first team briefing of 2013 takes place on Thursday 7 March, with the focus firmly on fun, team-building and creativity! Does anyone watch The Great British Bake Off or The Apprentice? Well, here is your chance to show off your own creative and competitive skills to your colleagues - at the Chocolate Truffle 'Apprentice' Challenge!

You will be in teams of 7/8. Each team is given the challenge of making a chocolate product for a specific market. The exercise will involve:

· Race against the clock as teams learn how to make handmade chocolates, identify a market niche, design the packaging and work together to create the final product.
· Presentation skills are put to the test as teams showcase the product, packaging and sales pitch to our judging panel. Watch out as there will be special guest appearances from Alan Sugar and Dragon Den’s Peter Jones and Duncan Bannatyne.
· Wigs, feather boas and other such sophisticated props are available to bring a little finesse to the proceedings. Hilarity is pretty much guaranteed..
· Chocolatey prizes will be awarded to the winning team. Marks are given for innovation, cooperation and general genius.
· Rest assured this challenge does include bowls of melted chocolate, handmade chocolate centres, delicious toppings and decorations!"




I CANNOT wait.

I hate this shit. There's nothing wrong with team building, it works. But stuff like this is just bollocks. You get a lot more bonding by getting everyone together and getting them absolutely shit faced.

 

[Publius Ovidius]

When I first started working in the States it was with Intel in Portland, Oregon. They used to have these bum numbing, arm chewing off staff appreciation mornings once a month. Basically anybody could nominate anybody else who they thought had gone the extra mile. In reality it just meant people would get a round of applause for doing what they should be doing – ie their job. The Brits used to cringe when they were forced to attend – but having said that we would put up with it because Intel were a bloody good company to work for.

Just be thankful these haven’t crossed the Atlantic……….. yet

oh they have

 

[Sweeney Todd]

I am in dispute with my bosses, because they refused my request for a day’s leave (even though I have twenty days’ leave to take before the end of September and I requested the leave two weeks in advance), as the day that I wish to take off clashes with the Away Day, which, I’m told, is compulsory to attend. On the day in question, I have an important Church (Roman Catholic) function to attend, but am being denied, by my employer(s), the right to attend it.

 

[Publius Ovidius]

one of the best ones we did was abseiling downthe side of the Grand Hotel in Brighton.

one of teh worst was being set a outward bound course through some woods in kent, where one young lady fell and broke her leg, another needed a pee so badly she rushed behind a bush and I kept guard until there was this huge scream....she had been squatting over a snake who bit her leg. I rushed round in time to see her rolling bacwards, legs akinmbo showing all and sundry what she had for breakfast.....and it turned out teh snake had bitten her on the inside of her thigh and I was the first aider! We never really spoke about the incident afterwards, but she wasnt a real blonde!

finally, we had one where we had to sit opposite a random person and question them about their day and their life etc.....I got stuck with some neurotic bird from accounts who had just spilt up from her boyfriend, hated all men and got more satisfaction from her Anne Summers Rabbit that any of the ******* men she had ever met and i found out she didn't understand the LBW law...I mean...what the hell was i supposed to talk about?

 

[willyfantastic]

will be playing golf - can't wait

 

[hybrid_x]

good team bonding is to get wasted......really creates a good bond.

i remember many years ago giving a girl from the office half an e as she kept asking me, and she got all wobbly and i helped her get home....(lightweight) - i respected her for keeping shtoom, and she respected me for getting her home.

so, half an e all round is probably a good team bonding.

some of the things you lot have done on team building is so lame - you should be ashamed of yourselves....chocolate making for men.....lol

 

[daveinprague]

I actually managed to convince the boss's here, that, rather than taking us to some random restaurant once a month, save the money, and take us all to Amsterdam....They actually did it...!

Sadly, they didnt realise the percentage of staff with poor lifestyle choices, and have never had the courage to repeat that....
Last year...they took us to some dorp on the Czech/Slovak/Austrian border for a weekend tasting Moravian wine.
Travelled there Friday evening, I was on 8:30am Saturday morning train back to civilisation.
Apart from Amsterdam...ive hated all of these bonding things...like somebody else said...more happy just getting rat-arsed, somewhere near home....unless Amsterdam crops up on the agenda again.