Paul Ross print - one for mum this Xmas?

[Wozza]

PAUL ROSS - 20 Inch Canvas Print (51cm) by MirrorPrintStore: Amazon.co.uk: Kitchen Home

Check the reviews…

'My children died recently and, in solace, I hung this in their bedroom. I have now forgotten all about them and can't wait for Christmas. Thanks Paul!'

'This really is the best gift I've ever received. I'd been very ill for a long time and doctors really didn't hold out much hope for me. I friend gave me this stunning print of Paul Ross and from that moment onwards I was cured, my illness had completely gone away. People in the local community heard of the prints mysterious healing properties and my home became a place of pilgrimage, at the moment I'm receiving upwards of 1000 people a day. £48 now seems like a really good deal considering I'm charging upwards of £100 a shot to come in and stare at the Rossmeister.'

'If you only buy one 20 inch canvas print of Paul Ross this year, this is the one to get.'

Etc etc

 

[Muzzman]

I'd rather have an original print of 'Hiney Art'.

 

[Rusco]

A strange fact for which I apologise. I actually spent Millenium Eve at this very mans house attending his New Year party. House was fantatstic and his Mrs was wandering around in a swimsuit after getting out of the heated indoor pool, she had a couple of great points.

 

[cardboard]

Brilliant!!!

I can't recommend this picture of entertainer Paul Ross enough. I, like you, am an ardent fan of his effortless presenting style - the way he reads the autocue like a poet reading Wordsworth; his intimate interview questions that probe deeper than a million Parkinsons ever could; the chilling way he brings horror stories to life, his voice a beautiful yet terrifying portal to a mystifying otherworld.

But these fine qualities are not why I recommend this picture. There's a much more significant, deeper reason.

You see, my house is haunted. It has been for years. My hallways chill at the drop of a hat. Pipes moan and groan with the anguish of a thousand souls. Sometimes my curtains move. It's like living in one of the horrifying stories from his Big Black Book.

One day, I decided to escape the bone-chilling terror of my home-life to attend a market fair in a small hamlet two towns over. Among the assorted trinkets and toys, I felt drawn to one stall in particular. The owner, a wizened gentleman of around 90 years, told me he sensed in me feelings he'd not felt for aeons. This led him to show me his most prized asset - an item he swore he'd never sell until the Gods showed him the way.

I think you know what that item was.

When I returned home, I hung this picture above my haunted fireplace. Almost immediately, I felt the cold disappearing. The curtains stopped twitching. The pipes stopped moaning. I felt sure that this picture of Paul Ross expelled the demons from my home - I don't know why and I don't know how, but I can only thank Mr. Ross from the bottom of my heart.

I urge you, dear reader, to bathe in the warmth of Paul's chubby glow. My heart is at peace now - I only wish the same for you.

PS - do you sell any pictures of Jonathan too?





As King of the Lizards, Paul Ross has quite the reputation to live up to. This visual representation of our beloved Queen delighted me deep inside my bowels and stirred my withered loins with memories of a less barren time.

The reasons why this film is so good are twofold:
a) The exceptional build quality is almost on par with my recent caravan holiday to Gibraltar. As home of the beloved princess, herself, Paul Ross, I was quite excited about eating dinner with the Merchant of Paul himself. He cooked me eggs

3) Having devoured my delicious meal of ash and eggs and wine I cleaned Paul up and wheeled him to the fish market, where we picked out a couple of birds and took them back to his place. He said he wanted first go around so I let him

3) You can control Paul's expressions in the photoscreen by manipulating the buttons on your mobile telephone. The left button controls his eyebrows, with the right button moving his eyelashes up and down and so forth. For speech, or walking, press the hash button and then each button which corresponds to the relevant finger or his forked tongue. To enable his soul, tap the canvas twice and burn a lamb at his Altar

This is the picture that we took while he was on his first course, just before the soup and right after his giant dragon swooped down and whisked him away to the Lizard Kingdom.



I purchased one of these recently for a friend's birthday, and found the item to be of a remarkable quality build. The sturdy wooden frame will provide many years of viewing pleasure above your mantel with it's extremely accurate dove-tailed joins - all four corners measuring between 88 - 92 degrees - and the canvas print uses professional inks that can withstand exposure to smoke, spider webs, furniture polish and even prolonged contact with skin. I can confirm for those worried about whether or not they have space to accommodate this item on their wall, the dimensions are approximately 20" x 12", which falls well within the average recommended surface area of a wall. At an amazing 20 pence per square inch, Mr. Ross has never been such good value for money.

My friend was so grateful he gave us the exact same print as an early Christmas present!

 

[bristolseagull]

its a piss take

 

[Normal Rob]

its a piss take

really?

 

[cardboard]

its a piss take

Never!!!

 

[Wozza]

its a piss take

:thud: