NSC applications for the vacant post...

[WhingForPresident]

Hi Tony,

Speaking as someone that is clearly more qualified than yourself to identify the man to lead us to glory (the amount of times I've won the Champions League with Brighton on Football Manager is just ridiculous), I will tell you now that your search is over.

Mr Bloom, if you want someone that will **** SHIT UP, then give me the job.

My tried and tested tactics will surely lead the club to a period of glory. Let me explain.

We will line up in a 4-2-4 formation with two bruisers in the middle, perhaps Ince and Toko. Two pacey wingers down the flanks, a big target man and a poacher leading the line. Instead of this bullshit tippy-tappy, we will be lumping the ball forward, either straight to the wings or for the target-man to knock down to the poacher in an Owen-Heskey stylee.

No more of this pampering that has led to a lackadaisical attitude. First off, no more pre-season tours to Spain/Portugal. This season the boys will be on their way to Pyongyang for 2 weeks to take on Kim Jong's boys and have daily training sessions with the man himself. This will teach them the importance of discipline whilst also showing that North Korea is best Korea.

I will then lead a regimented march round to each player's house to pick them up for every training session and every match. **** your flashy Beamers boys, we're going old school.

We will then kick lumps out of every team and attack ruthlessly in our quest to win promotion. For every three points, the players will be allowed to spend one hour with their families. Any player that fails to serve glorious republic of Brighton and Hove Albion to his best extent will be substituted and sent to box-up pies in the WSU.

Any supporter heard loudly referring to any Premier League club as 'we' whilst checking the scores on their phone will be sent away on a 6-month 'rehabilitation' programme.

I expect to be hearing from you soon.

Cheers,
WFP

 

[stripeyshark]

I don't think you will even get an interview!! only playing 10 players and playing the goalkeeper in front of the back 3 really is not a winning formula!

You clearly no nuffink about feetball tatics!

For the offside trap, I could move two defenders up, making the attackers believe they are being played onside by the last defender. Then, BAM, up goes the flag. And, to be fair, if we sign that Nzuzi bloke we'll be playing a lot of games with 10 men.

 

[hitony]

For the offside trap, I could move two defenders up, making the attackers believe they are being played onside by the last defender. Then, BAM, up goes the flag. And, to be fair, if we sign that Nzuzi bloke we'll be playing a lot of games with 10 men.

I bow to your better knowledge regarding the offside trap! genius idea

I am now thinking that if we play a 3 ..... 1 ....... 6 formation, a very attacking formation I agree, but if we put the back 3 players in the same shirts as the goalie and they also wear gloves, we will in effect have 4 goalkeepers / 4 defenders who can look after the defensive side of things while our 6 attackers score as many goals as possible

As you can tell I know my feetball really well, as may I say, you clearly do, so my thinking is we now make a joint application, you can be team manager while I will be head coach we wont need any other back room staff, I have my first aid certificate so that eliminates the need for a Physio, I can also drive the coach so away trips are sorted, if you can do the kit (washing etc) we will keep down the outgoings / wages on back room staff, leaving more money for after match drinks for us and the team!!!

What do you reckon? you in? if you have any better ideas, throw them in!! we will be playing Premier League football soon

 

[stripeyshark]

I bow to your better knowledge regarding the offside trap! genius idea

I am now thinking that if we play a 3 ..... 1 ....... 6 formation, a very attacking formation I agree, but if we put the back 3 players in the same shirts as the goalie and they also wear gloves, we will in effect have 4 goalkeepers / 4 defenders who can look after the defensive side of things while our 6 attackers score as many goals as possible

As you can tell I know my feetball really well, as may I say, you clearly do, so my thinking is we now make a joint application, you can be team manager while I will be head coach we wont need any other back room staff, I have my first aid certificate so that eliminates the need for a Physio, I can also drive the coach so away trips are sorted, if you can do the kit (washing etc) we will keep down the outgoings / wages on back room staff, leaving more money for after match drinks for us and the team!!!

What do you reckon? you in? if you have any better ideas, throw them in!! we will be playing Premier League football soon

Well this all sounds superb. Lets get our application in ASAP! I'm qualified to sort the pre match music and my A level in law will suit us in good stead when negotiating contracts.

We can do this.

 

[hitony]

Well this all sounds superb. Lets get our application in ASAP! I'm qualified to sort the pre match music and my A level in law will suit us in good stead when negotiating contracts.

We can do this.

I preempted your reply, as the whole package is just to good!! the aplication has been sent, a copy of it is below:

Dear Tone,

me and my mate Stripy want the job thats goin in ur club, he will be managing and stuff while i will do ovver stuff, you can tell us when we start by PMs on NSC, we r the best you is gonna get mate so we will want the going rate, we both want £7.50 an hour and time n a half foer overtime.

we will buy the players and wages and everythin so you just leave it to us pal as we r ur men!

speak soon Tone and cheers

Yours

hit and stripey
xxx

 

[stripeyshark]

I preempted your reply, as the whole package is just to good!! the aplication has been sent, a copy of it is below:

Dear Tone,

me and my mate Stripy want the job thats goin in ur club, he will be managing and stuff while i will do ovver stuff, you can tell us when we start by PMs on NSC, we r the best you is gonna get mate so we will want the going rate, we both want £7.50 an hour and time n a half foer overtime.

we will buy the players and wages and everythin so you just leave it to us pal as we r ur men!

speak soon Tone and cheers

Yours

hit and stripey
xxx

Couldn't have put it better myself. Can't wait for the reply from big Tone!

 

[Eeyore]

I used to be good at Subbuteo, will that stand me in good stead?

I reached the 'World Cup Final' at my Junior School, as well as winning the monthly league in the June of that year.

Stick that in your pipe....

 

[Cheshire Cat]

Job's as good as mine.

 

[Mutts Nuts]

Does anyone feel they have the necessary credentials?

Post your application here...

I'm sure Tony will be reading the forum.

You could put Alex the sweaty sock in charge of this club, we would still acheive nothing the board of directers lack ambition

 

[GoldWithFalmer]

You could put Alex the sweaty sock in charge of this club, we would still acheive nothing the board of directers lack ambition

They do,they just want more time to get the infrastructure in place to sustain the progress,so perhaps they are very cautious,let's hope the new fans hang around long enough.

 

[Eeyore]

You could put Alex the sweaty sock in charge of this club, we would still acheive nothing the board of directers lack ambition

I don't believe you are right. However, to keep an open mind, I'd like to ask what it is you think it is that demonstrates their lack of ambition ?

 

[Ernest]

If you want someone who is INTELLIGANT, has a GRATE knowledge of football and is a true INTELLICTUAL then I am your man and don't forget I was the LOAN voice last JULY warning you this wouldn't work out with Oscar.

BTW I'd like my ASSISTANT to be Aidy BOOFROYD and it will be ROUTE 1 to the Premier League BABY.

 

[Eeyore]

If you want someone who is INTELLIGANT, has a GRATE knowledge of football and is a true INTELLICTUAL then I am your man and don't forget I was the LOAN voice last JULY warning you this wouldn't work out with Oscar.

BTW I'd like my ASSISTANT to be Aidy BOOFROYD and it will be ROUTE 1 to the Premier League BABY.

As long as you have open meetings at the CLIFTONVILLE and keep us updated on the progress of your FULL ENGLISH manager.

 

[Ernest]

As long as you have open meetings at the CLIFTONVILLE and keep us updated on the progress of your FULL ENGLISH manager.

I have GOT my GILLETTE ready to wear on the touchline