My wife's black pussy

[red star portslade]

I really need a stiff drink, i'm an absolute wreck! Just had a neighbour knock at the door, telling me a black cat like my wife's was dead in the middle of the street.

I ran out to find a cat smashed to bits, i picked him up sobbing my eyes out and took him back inside the house, where i got a towel and lay Felini down on the kitchen floor.

Crying and shaking, i went to fridge to get a stella to calm my nerves as i had to phone my wife and tell her that her beloved cat for ten years was dead.
I sat down and necked half a can in one, when i felt a familiar rubbing against the back of my legs. I jumped up and screamed the f***ing house down, spilling stella all over me.

Felini is alive and well, purring away with his tongue up his arse, which is great news.

What am i going to do with the dead one?

 

[Simon Morgan]

I really need a stiff drink, i'm an absolute wreck! Just had a neighbour knock at the door, telling me a black cat like my wife's was dead in the middle of the street.

I ran out to find a cat smashed to bits, i picked him up sobbing my eyes out and took him back inside the house, where i got a towel and lay Felini down on the kitchen floor.

Crying and shaking, i went to fridge to get a stella to calm my nerves as i had to phone my wife and tell her that her beloved cat for ten years was dead.
I sat down and necked half a can in one, when i felt a familiar rubbing against the back of my legs. I jumped up and screamed the f***ing house down, spilling stella all over me.

Felini is alive and well, purring away with his tongue up his arse, which is great news.

What am i going to do with the dead one?

Sorry about your shock, but that is absolutely SUPERB

 

[TJx]

Just thank god you hadn't already phoned your wife
But what a result, good for you

 

[Stat Brother]

Does your cat have a afro?

 

[Arkwright]

Well now under the cover of dark you are going to have to put the dead one back where you found it. Some poor owner is looking for a little black pussy.

 

[Easy 10]

What am i going to do with the dead one?

Hide Felini, and put the dead one by the front door. Let your wife throw an eppy when she comes home, and leave her sobbing in the front room for five minutes. Put the dead one in the wheelie bin, then walk in the front room cuddling Felini.

Hey presto, you've done a Green Mile !

She'll love that shit.

 

[Willy Dangle]

I really need a stiff drink, i'm an absolute wreck! Just had a neighbour knock at the door, telling me a black cat like my wife's was dead in the middle of the street.

I ran out to find a cat smashed to bits, i picked him up sobbing my eyes out and took him back inside the house, where i got a towel and lay Felini down on the kitchen floor.

Crying and shaking, i went to fridge to get a stella to calm my nerves as i had to phone my wife and tell her that her beloved cat for ten years was dead.
I sat down and necked half a can in one, when i felt a familiar rubbing against the back of my legs. I jumped up and screamed the f***ing house down, spilling stella all over me.

Felini is alive and well, purring away with his tongue up his arse, which is great news.

What am i going to do with the dead one?

You absolute dick. Can't you see the opening for the best practicle joke of the year. Leave it on the floor and rub onions in your eyes just as she's approaching. You won't need to say a word. In years to come she'll look back and laugh her head off.

 

[Willy Dangle]

Hide Felini, and put the dead one by the front door. Let your wife throw an eppy when she comes home, and leave her sobbing in the front room for five minutes. Put the dead one in the wheelie bin, then walk in the front room cuddling Felini.

Hey presto, you've done a Green Mile !

She'll love that shit.

Beat me to it by 4 mins.

 

[Seagull on the wing]

Hide Felini, and put the dead one by the front door. Let your wife throw an eppy when she comes home, and leave her sobbing in the front room for five minutes. Put the dead one in the wheelie bin, then walk in the front room cuddling Felini.

Hey presto, you've done a Green Mile !

She'll love that shit.

Comedy genius....me,I look for a pussy everyday!

 

[Seagull over Canaryland]

Pleased to hear that your wife's pussy is ok. What a fright though.

The poor deceased pussy is probably someone's beloved but missing pet and they may well be fretting. I would suggest you phone a local Vet asap, explain what you found and hopefully they will ask you to bag up and bring the remains into them. Most responsible owners have their pets micro-chipped and the Vet will be able to ID the cat and then contact the owner. You will feel better about that.

 

[drew]

If you haven't yet spoken to the wife, you could play a fantanstic prank on her when she gets in!

 

[Fungus]

Pleased to hear that your wife's pussy is ok. What a fright though.

The poor deceased pussy is probably someone's beloved but missing pet and they may well be fretting. I would suggest you phone a local Vet asap, explain what you found and hopefully they will ask you to bag up and bring the remains into them. Most responsible owners have their pets micro-chipped and the Vet will be able to ID the cat and then contact the owner. You will feel better about that.

Very much this. If it's not chipped, they'll still be able to dispose of it properly.

Shame about the Stella, though.

 

[Stevie Boy]

sorry but i have just laughed my bollocks off at this

 

[melias shoes]

Hide Felini, and put the dead one by the front door. Let your wife throw an eppy when she comes home, and leave her sobbing in the front room for five minutes. Put the dead one in the wheelie bin, then walk in the front room cuddling Felini.

Hey presto, you've done a Green Mile !

She'll love that shit.

Haven't you read/seen Stephen kings Pet cemetery? Aarrgh

 

[Eksman]

Lol quality... Shame a cats dead but this is a funny situation

 

[DanielT]

A traditional cat burial is called for.

Very solemnly carry it down the path, open the lid of the wheelie bin and sling it in

 

[red star portslade]

f***ing hell what a night. I'll add more tomorrow....Basically a dead black pussy, a curious son, an inconsolable wife and a weeping beaver.

I'm going to bed.

 

[pornomagboy]

Could allways sell the dead cat to your local chinnese

 

[Gazwag]

Did I dream it or did I read almost exactly the same story on here a couple of weeks ago

 

[Questions]

New pie at the Amex ?
I'd try it.