My legs ! My legs !

[Easy 10]

After spending all day Saturday renovating my back garden, my legs have been bitten to SHIT by something. I have these unsightly swollen red lesions on my shins, and its bloody agony to walk, specially when I've been sitting down or lying down for a while (getting out of bed this morning was nothing short of a horrifying ordeal). What the f*** has happened to my legs ?

Concerned, from Fishersgate.

 

[Marc]

get the TCP out mate and pretend you're starring in Jackass as you apply the liquid and induce the stinging pain.....ooooohhhhhh PAIN its loverly

 

[Reading Posh]

Nettle rash

 

[Easy 10]

Cheers Crabbers, I'm hoping not to reach that stage. I've smeared some sort of white cream on the sores, but it doesn't seem to have done much. Maybe my BLOOD has been poisoned or something ? If its still this bad tomorrow, I think it'll be a visit to the doctors (something I've not done for about 12 years)

 

[Lammy]

I got bitten last night too! only once though and getting out of bed wasn't a problem...

 

[Hiney]

I've smeared some sort of white cream on the sores

I've heard it's good for ladies' skin but you should be careful putting jizz on your legs

 

[Easy 10]

I just KNEW someone would say it was spunk

 

[¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤]

So was it?

 

[Easy 10]

No, but if this aggravation carries on, I'll try anything.

 

[Marc]

No, but if this aggravation carries on, I'll try anything.

Vinegar
Salt Water
Tabasco Sauce
Wee (good for getting rid of jellyfish stings)
Burger Fat (whilst hot and dripping from the pan)

 

[Lush]

Highly likely to be a reaction to a plant I reckon. Should sort itself out in a day or two.

Have you got any of these in your garden? They have poisonous milky white sap that REALLY irritates if you've been cutting the dead flowers off.

http://www.uochb.cas.cz/~natur/cerambyx/euphorbwulf.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euphorbia_mellifera

 

[CHAPPERS]

I got the same thing a few years back. They developed into horrid pussy spot things but much bigger after a couple of days, I was on antibiotics for a while, they were horsefly bites.

Fun to squeeze though.

:dance:

 

[Easy 10]

Don't think I recognise those plants Lush, and I wasn't really working with plants anyway. I was putting in a "logroll" with woodchip behind it, and creosting fences and the shed. I am practically crippled now. Everyone in the office is taking the piss, cos when I stand up I am in agony, and I have to hobble everywhere. I am in abject misery.

 

[looney]

Sounds like Horsefly bites. You dont stink of horse shit by any chance?

Lance em, dab with anti-septic and leave em alone, if not fading in a few days see the quack.

 

[CHAPPERS]

My horsefly bites didn't hurt, they caused bruising though which was weird.

TSP is a must.

 

[Easy 10]

The bruising is there, maybe thats what it is then. Cheers all, will get the TCP out tonight. I need to be in good working order for tomorrow night.

 

[Northstander]

Have you tried Leeches?

 

[looney]

I'm willing to try my hand at amputations free of charge, you can even have a local anasthetic if you wish. I would also video it and sell copies here so you would have to wave any intellectual property rights.