Monday jokes

[BrightonBird]

A bit of cheese for you all as I am bored once again at work.

And BTW before anyone moans that I am writing rubbish - if you don't like it, don't reply!


The other day I phoned my local pizza delivery firm and asked for a thin and crusty supreme. They sent me Diana Ross.

And 1 more....


There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Ohh I am sooooo funny!

 

[ben andrews' girlfriend]

 

[CHAPPERS]

What do you call a dog with no ears?
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FFRRREEEEEAAAAKKKKKK

 

[Italiaseagull]

The England Rugby team are involved in a plane crash and Martin Johnson, Lawrence Dallaglio and Johnny Wilkinson are killed.

At the gates to heaven the three players are greeted by God,
who tells them "before you can take a seat at my side, you must tell me what you believe in"

Martin Johnson is first up "I believe rugby is the food of life, nothing else brings such unbridled joy to so many, from the grim North to the bright lights of Twickenham. I have devoted my life to the cause of making England great and bringing a smile to the face of supporters".

God smiles and offers Martin a seat to his left

Next up is Lawrence Dallaglio "I believe that courage, honour and passion are fundamentals in life. I've spent my entire career providing a living embodiment of these traits."

God is clearly moved by this speech and offers Lawrence a seat to his right.

God turns to Johnny Wilkinson and ask's him "what do you believe in?"

Johnny Wilkinson replies "I believe you are sitting in my seat"

 

[CHAPPERS]

Person 1: My dogs got no nose.

Person 2: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHADog, no noseHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAWeird freak dogHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


Boom f***ing Boom.

 

[BrightonBird]

what did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfiend















wiped his arse

 

[CHAPPERS]

what did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfiend















wiped his arse