Memorable Train Announcements...

[Lord Bracknell]

Travelling on a train to Manchester a few years ago, the train came to a halt in Cheshire between Stoke and Macclesfield. After 3-4 minutes, the driver made an announcement - 'Sorry for the delay. There appears to be a cow on the line'. When the train did get moving again, aforementioned cow was spotted in close proximity.

I once saw a notice posted at Paddington, explaining a late running train from the West Country as being "due to a close encounter of the bovine kind in Devon".

 

[Beach Hut]

I am sure Ernest has made many memorable announcement on trains in his time.

 

[Baron Pepperpot]

Slightly OT, but I suspect I remember that incident, I was on the train that hit the guy at Balcombe.

I'm sure I have loads from my years of commuting, but an air one I remember clearly was the captain coming on the tannoy when we were half way across the atlantic to say "Ladies and gentleen, we are now cruising at an altitude of 37 feet"

It was sometime in 99/00. We were stuck on the train for a couple of hours at Balcombe. The atmosphere lightened when the announcement was made at Brighton. I'm sure we would have got home earlier had the fatality been minor.....

 

[Janbha]

At Falmer last winter

"Due to adverse weather conditions this train will not be calling anywhere else other than here "

then almost instantly another anouncement

"A ticket inspection is about to take place please have your valid tickets and passes ready for inspection"

 

[Kazenga <3]

Last summer an obviously very bored driver came out with 'We have reached Brighton, this is the end of the line. Please ensure you remember to take any of your baggage, rubbish or livestock with you'

 

[Barrel of Fun]

I'm sure there will be a points failure in the SelHurst area sometime next year.

 

[LargeHadronZugzwang]

About seven years ago whilst approaching Camden Road in the middle of winter the driver of our train announced "Would everyone please get off the train as it is on fire" This was self-evident at the time because the front carriage which I was in was filling up with smoke. The undercarriage was clearly seen to be burning, maybe fuel or something. Anyway, standing in the snow on the platform us freezing passengers (sorry customers) tried to keep warm, half an hour later another train came along. It a good thing they introduced new rolling stock on this line....

 

[Sajerz]

Something along the lines of ''welcome to Brighton, would anyone who is employed by HRM's government please remember to take all your laptops and memory sticks with you as you leave the train''

 

[BBassic]

One morning during my commute the conductor just said "Cheer up folks, Friday will be here before you know it"

 

[Lord Bracknell]

"This is Portsmouth Harbour and you're welcome to it".

 

[Baron Pepperpot]

My announcement that induced the most anger was outside Birmingham New Street in June 2000. Twas a very hot day and we were stuck at a points failure. Naturally the air conditioning had failed...

Anyrod, we were relieved at an announcement that the buffet would give us all a free bottle of water. The only problem being.... yes, the buffet had ran out...

 

[West Hoathly Seagull]

Last summer an obviously very bored driver came out with 'We have reached Brighton, this is the end of the line. Please ensure you remember to take any of your baggage, rubbish or livestock with you'

Ah yes, we have the same chap on the East Grinstead line. "We are now approaching East Grinstead, where this train terminates. Please remember to take all your belongings, your laptop computers, your sandwiches, your livestock, and if you've got any children, please remember to take them as well". Another couple stand out: one chap used to tell us on the 0739 East Grinstead to London Bridge as we were leaving Oxted, "this train is faaaast to Saaaanderstead, faaaast to Saaaanderstead" (extra a's mine for emphasis). Another old boy used to tell us that the train terminated at London Bridge Central, a station he had obviously invented. He spoke in a very heavy accent, which I used to think was Bristolian, but I have since decided must have been Sussex.

 

[D'Angelo Saxon]

Anyone remember the time the season before last on the way back to town from the Amex that there was an announcement that everyone on the packed train should have their tickets ready for inspection at Brighton, followed by "....only joking of course". Brilliant.

 

[fork me]

A London train sometime in the early 90s.

"We apologise for the delay to this service, but a barn roof has blown onto the line".

Now, you see, that's an excuse I can understand, unlike leaves, or the wrong kind of snow, I can clearly understand why a roof on the tracks would hold up a train!

On the London Underground in the late 80s:

"The train now approaching the platform is the District Line service to Fulham Broadway, frustrated Circle Line passengers will be delighted to hear that trains are now running again and one should arrive within the next hour". The station announcer's Scottish accent made the sarcasm all the funnier.

"

 

[MissGull]

Ah yes, we have the same chap on the East Grinstead line. "We are now approaching East Grinstead, where this train terminates. Please remember to take all your belongings, your laptop computers, your sandwiches, your livestock, and if you've got any children, please remember to take them as well". Another couple stand out: one chap used to tell us on the 0739 East Grinstead to London Bridge as we were leaving Oxted, "this train is faaaast to Saaaanderstead, faaaast to Saaaanderstead" (extra a's mine for emphasis). Another old boy used to tell us that the train terminated at London Bridge Central, a station he had obviously invented. He spoke in a very heavy accent, which I used to think was Bristolian, but I have since decided must have been Sussex.

I've heard the first one quite a few times on the London to Brighton. Very humorous. Must be the same driver each time. Sure he mentions false legs too

 

[happypig]

Some years ago on the way to a course, "The next station is Rugby." then "The last station was Rugby. If you wanted to get off there, you've missed it."

 

[Cosmic Joker]

Sometime in the mid nineties on the last train on a Friday night from Hove to Chichester, which was as ever predictably full of drunks acting up. After a delay at Southwick a very weary of life sounding guard announces "Ladies and gentlemen, be warned if one more person attempts to set fire to this train, this service will be terminating at the next station."

 

[Baldseagull]

The train now arriving at platforms 4,5,6,7,8 and 9 is coming in sideways.


I jest.

 

[Seagull on the wing]

For passengers catching the 5.10 at platform 4.....run because it is just leaving platform 6....

 

[Ringmer Seagull]

One of my favourites was a warning of delays on the London to Brighton line "due to a fertility in Balcombe tunnel ".