[Albion] Marseille phrasebook

[Midget]

Thought this might help those of us who don't speak much French...

Midget’s Cunning Lingual Phrasebook for the Discerning Association Football Traveller
Marseille Edition*

* The editors accept no responsibility for the accuracy of any translations, any offence caused to native speakers, or any personal injury suffered as a consequence of relying on these phrases. Wtf are you, stupid?

Bonjour
(Hello)

Au revoir
(Goodbye)

S’il vous plaît
(Please)

Merci
(Thank you)

Est-ce payer à la porte?
(Is it POTG?)

Nous allons perdre
(We’ll lose)

Etaient lâches
(Were loose)

Jusqu'au prochain tour les gars, pas d’excuses.
(Through to the next round lads, no excuses.)

Ce match pourrait définir notre saison.
(This game could be season-defining.)

Nous détestons le palais et nous détestons le palais.
(We hate palace and we hate palace.)

As tu déjà vu le palais à Marseille?
(Have you ever seen palace in Marseille?)

A quelle température maintiens-tu ton vin rosé?
(At what temperature do you keep your rosé?)

Alors, cinq bières s’il vous plaît, et du vin rosé pour ce monsieur qui cogne la baignoire.
(OK, 5 beers please, and some rosé for HT) *adjust for size of party and presence or otherwise of @Herr Tubthumper

Encore cinq bières s'il vous plaît.
(Another five beers, please).

Encore cinq bières s'il vous plaît.
(Another five beers, please).

Oui, je suis dans le vieux port. Alors, y-at-il un match de football? Je ne savais pas, je ne suis qu’un touriste.
(Yes, I’m in the old port. Oh, is there a match on? I didn’t know, I’m just a tourist.)

Non, je n'ai jamais entendu parler de Brighton et Hove Albion. Est-ce qu'ils sont une équipe de football?
(No, I’ve never heard of Brighton & Hove Albion. Are they a football team?)

Encore cinq bières s'il vous plaît.
(Another five beers, please).

Non, je n'ai pas mon passeport. Incidemment, vous êtes un policier très attractif. Vous acceptez une photocopie?
(*tbh only @cunning fergus really needs this one)

Qui es-tu? Qui es-tu?
(Who are you? Who are you?)

Es-tu un palais déguisé?
(Are you palace in disguise?)

Excusez-moi monsieur. Il semble que j’ai été poignardé. Où est l’hôpital le plus proche, s’il vous plaît?
(Excuse me sir. I appear to have been stabbed. Where is the nearest hospital, please?)

Encore cinq bières s'il vous plaît.
(Another five beers, please).

Désolé, je ne comprends pas vos directions. Je saigne abondamment maintenant. Cela vous dérangerait-il d'appeler une ambulance, s’il vous plaît?
(I’m awfully sorry, I don’t understand your directions. I'm bleeding profusely now. Would you mind calling me an ambulance, please?)

N’appelez pas la police, s’il vous plaît!
(Please don’t call the police!)

Parce que j'ai déjà été matraqué deux fois, et aspergé de poivre aussi.
(Because I’ve already been batoned twice, and pepper sprayed too.)

Encore cinq bières s'il vous plaît.
(Another five beers, please).

Ouah! Deux heures, c'est mieux qu'en Angleterre!
(Wow! Two hours, that’s better than in England!)

Ah, docteur. Bonne soirée. Désolé de vous déranger, mais j’ai été poignardé.
(Ah, doctor. Good evening. Terribly sorry to bother you, but I’ve been stabbed.)

La lame mesurait dix centimètres de longueur et était dentelée. Désolé, je suis assez étourdi.
(The blade was 10cm long and serrated.. Apologies, I'm rather dizzy.)

Non, je ne pouvais pas me donner la peine d'obtenir un GHIC.
(No, I couldn’t be arsed to get a GHIC.)

Les points de suture coûtent COMBIEN?
(Stitches cost HOW MUCH?)



Apologies to @VojFromMars and anyone who speaks French proper innit
Other suggestions welcome!

 

[Lewes Punk]

As tu déjà vu le palais à Marseille?
(Have you ever seen palace in Marseille?)

I think we genuinely should sing this in French

Qui es-tu? Qui es-tu?
(Who are you? Who are you?)

But isn't this a tad familiar until the Marseille fans have formally asked us to tutoyer? Perhaps would be more proper to go with 'Qui Etes-vous?'

 

[dejavuatbtn]

La pendule est sur le mur.

C’est tout.

 

[Me and my Monkey]

I think we genuinely should sing this in French


But isn't this a tad familiar until the Marseille fans have formally asked us to tutoyer? Perhaps would be more proper to go with 'Qui Etes-vous?'

Well, to be absolutely correct, it would need to be the plural "qui etes vous?", assuming your addressing the home crowd as a whole, and not singling out any particular individual.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

il y a zéro zéro écrit dessus
(it's got nil-all written all over it)

 

[bhafc99]

“Je peux garder le bouchon de la bouteille? C'est quoi cette folie?”
I can keep the bottle top? What is this madness?

 

[Midget]

As tu déjà vu le palais à Marseille?
(Have you ever seen palace in Marseille?)

I think we genuinely should sing this in French

F*ck yeah, it scans better than half the stuff we usually sing!

Qui es-tu? Qui es-tu?
(Who are you? Who are you?)

But isn't this a tad familiar until the Marseille fans have formally asked us to tutoyer? Perhaps would be more proper to go with 'Qui Etes-vous?'

Nah f*ck em. The barman and the doctor maybe, Marseille fans can suck up the disrespect.

HEY MARSEILLE FANS!!! TU NOT VOUS!!! We use the 2nd person singular familiar for you and we don't f*cking care! How do you feel now? You can't even fight back as we use the same word for both formal and informal, singular and plural! When you say "you", we don't give a shit!

Haaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahah

Tu!

Tu!

(ok I'm done now)


(Edit: I have sobered up since this post)

 

[Skaville]

Nous sommes Brighton et Hove Albion, nous sommes pratiquement français

(We’re Brighton and Hove Albion, we’re practically French)

 

[Midget]

La pendule est sur le mur.

C’est tout.

Même une horloge arrêtée indique l'heure exacte deux fois par jour

 

[Midget]

But isn't this a tad familiar until the Marseille fans have formally asked us to tutoyer? Perhaps would be more proper to go with 'Qui Etes-vous?'

Joking aside, it would be f f f fantastic if we were all singing this in the ground as the home team was read out

 

[Triggaaar]

I think we genuinely should sing this in French

That would confuse the **** out of their supporters. Why are the English so desperate to go and see a palace?

 

[PeterT]

‘You dirty southern b*stards’ (not often we get to sing that!)

 

[Cheshire Cat]

Roberto de Zerbi and his big balls

"Roberto de Zerbi et ses testicules incroyablement gros"

 

[Midget]

That would confuse the **** out of their supporters. Why are the English so desperate to go and see a palace?

Yeah I guess it's hard to grasp, all they have to rail against is the uninventive 'red and blues'. Oh wait - we have something in common - same shit colours!

 

[Thunder Bolt]

nous sommes Brighton du Nord

Usually only sung at Torquay.

 

[Midget]

Roberto de Zerbi and his big balls

"Roberto de Zerbi et ses testicules incroyablement gros"

Loving the 'incroyablement gros"

No idea whether it works in French but wgif!

 

[Skaville]

On rentre à la maison en ambulance marseillaise

(We’re going home in a Marseille ambulance)

 

[Eeyore]

'tu peux avoir mon portefeuille mais pas le bouchon de la bouteille'

'you can have my wallet but not the bottle cap'

 

[Thunder Bolt]

Ooooooohhh Vous êtes merde - goal kicks

 

[Midget]

Ooooooohhh Vous êtes merde - goal kicks

Like, although arguably #1 exemplar for appropriate use of "tu es"