Major crime reported in the Argus

[Gary Leeds]

Have any of the nationals got on board yet? I wouldn't be surprised to see this SPLASHED across the front pages tomorrow morning.

I think they have

Mirror - What a Plank!!!
The Sun - Major CATastrophe
The Mail - immigrants violate family home

 

[Badger]

I think they have

Mirror - What a Plank!!!
The Sun - Major CATastrophe
The Mail - immigrants violate family home

The Star - Man puts his WOOD in the FLAP

 

[Guinness Boy]

I think they have

Mirror - What a Plank!!!
The Sun - Major CATastrophe
The Mail - immigrants violate family home

The Star - Man puts his WOOD in the FLAP

The Express - "Wood in Cat Flap Pushes Up House Price"

 

[Guinness Boy]

The Guardian - "Blockage to Animal Friend Entrance - Is It A Postmodern Art Installation?"

 

[lawros left foot]

Goodness, there are some planks about

 

[KJP]

Would somebody please think of the children!!!

 

[Guinness Boy]

#PrayForCatflap

 

[Ali_rrr]

The best part of that article is the picture of the cat with the caption 'It's meant for cats'

Who'd of thought it?

 

[Stat Brother]

I think they have

Mirror - What a Plank!!!
The Sun - Major CATastrophe
The Mail - immigrants violate family home

The Star - Man puts his WOOD in the FLAP

The Express - "Wood in Cat Flap Pushes Up House Price"

The Guardian - "Blockage to Animal Friend Entrance - Is It A Postmodern Art Installation?"

Surely the Express would be:-

Image of Lady Di seen on miracle cat flap wood, has healing effect on house prices.

 

[edna krabappel]

Who actually reports this with the police as well?

Probably someone who was worried that it had been a would-be intruder using an implement to try and either open the door or reach a set of house/car keys, which is a well known MO for burglars.

But that's not very funny I guess.

 

[Barrel of Fun]

I quite fancy Anna Roberts.

 

[matt]

 

[Washie]

Do you think this is a time for jokes? That cat is lucky to be alive right now and may need counselling for the rest of its nine lives.

 

[WhingForPresident]

"Perhaps they were trying to use the"wood"to dislodge key left in lock or they were looking in shed for something to steal and found said wood then saw the error of their ways and believed (to stop other halfwits stealing this magnificent specimen of wood) that placing through cat-flap would be the safest place to leave the wood."

From the comments section

 

[Fungus]

Panic over, the culprit has been detained:

 

[Badger]

Surely the Express would be:-

Image of Lady Di seen on miracle cat flap wood, has healing effect on house prices during the worst MEGA storm EVER recorded

Almost there, just added the finishing touch