LATECOMERS / EARLY LEAVERS - I have the solution.

[Easy 10]

There seems to be a fair amount of hostility and irritation on here, on the issue of latecomers and/or early leavers at Withdean. Well, I think I have come up with a grossly expensive and impractible yet effective solution.

The club should fit hydraulic restrainers on the seats, like on a theme park ride. Everyone has to be in their seats for 3pm, cos thats when all the padded restrainers fold down and lock everyone in their seats. They don't lift up again till half time, and then as soon as the whistle goes for the start of the second half, down come the hydraulic restrainers again, and there they stay locked until the final whistle.

Anyone who is too late to claim their seat before the restrainer comes down - tough. Stewards are to escort any stragglers from the stand and eject them from the ground. People have to learn to be punctual. There could be accidents of course, with people getting squashed if they're not quite in position as the hydraulics kick into action, but this should just serve to educate people further of the dangers of not being in your seat in time. Gradually, people will learn.

I think its a winner.

 

[Lammy]

I don't fancy being locked in one of those babies after 6 pints of beer!

 

[The Large One]

I agree to a point, but I am afraid I will have to go along with Oscar Wilde on this one.

'Punctuality is the thief of time', he said.

And anyway, what happens when we score? Or the ref starts behaving like a tosser?

 

[Soton Seagull]

Late comers are no where near as annoying as early leavers (then again as I am in Row Z I can stand up if anyone blocks my view).

Early leavers should burn in hell!

Ok, perhaps a little extreme, but you don't walk out just before you finish going for a dump etc (do you ?), you are in it for the long haul. Lazy, but good analogy, I reckon!

 

[Jason Speaks]

Saturday was funny because it was on a knife edge right up until the last minute yet people were casually strolling out as if we were 5-0 up!

Brighton till full time, I'm Brighton till full time.. etc

 

[chips and gravy]

What about the poor lad who goes for an ice cream in Row Y every week, come rain or shine? Should he be penalised for going to Mr Whippy as the 4th official board goes up before half time?

 

[Easy 10]

And anyway, what happens when we score? Or the ref starts behaving like a tosser?

If we put the entire stand on a huge hydraulic machine, perhaps the whole stand could be lifted and waved around in the air when we score. We could all have buttons attached to the seats which we press to "vote" in order to activate the joyride in a goal celebration. In a stand holding 4,000 fans, you should need, say, 75% of the buttons to he held down simultaneously (ie when a goal is scored) to kick it all off. It could spin us upside down and EVERYTHING (but hold on to your burger). Abuse of the ref will however have to be done from a seated position (unless enough people activate their buttons in a rage).

The more I think about this, the more I like it.

 

[teaboy]

We could have a giant screen behind the west goal and electronic insult buttons, similar to the celebration buttons. WHen enough people push these the appropriate insult can be flashed onto the screen. This could incorperate shouting at the ref, opposition, away fans, their bench - the possibilities are endless.

 

[Hungry Joe.]

All good ideas but I think shaming is the key. We should have special cameras in the aisles and a big screen that shows close ups of the swines exiting.

 

[Lammy]

If we put the entire stand on a huge hydraulic machine, perhaps the whole stand could be lifted and waved around in the air when we score. We could all have buttons attached to the seats which we press to "vote" in order to activate the joyride in a goal celebration. In a stand holding 4,000 fans, you should need, say, 75% of the buttons to he held down simultaneously (ie when a goal is scored) to kick it all off. It could spin us upside down and EVERYTHING (but hold on to your burger). Abuse of the ref will however have to be done from a seated position (unless enough people activate their buttons in a rage).

The more I think about this, the more I like it.

Enough already! Let's do it!

Business case anyone?

 

[Gazwag]

If sections of the hydraulic machine can be operated independently of each other then a certain section of the ground who do not support the team enough during the game could be kept behind after the final whistle. The players could have their own voting buttons to vote for which sections gets let out first.

 

[The Large One]

We could have a giant screen behind the west goal and electronic insult buttons, similar to the celebration buttons. WHen enough people push these the appropriate insult can be flashed onto the screen. This could incorperate shouting at the ref, opposition, away fans, their bench - the possibilities are endless.

I must admit, I do like the idea of a 50 foot
THE REFEREE'S A WANKER
or
SIT DOWN, SHUT UP
lighting up the neighourhood.

I would give the people on the London-Brighton train an idea of what's happening.

 

[tinx]

Surely no one is stupid enough not to realise most people who leave their chairs early watch form the running track.

I often leave my chair early and watch from the running track, I don't see whats wrong with that at all. I also often leave my chair about 25 minutes in as my bladder isn't what it used to be. If you don't like me doing it tough.

 

[Gazwag]

Not forgetting of course during renditions of "stand up if you want falmer/hate palace etc", the hydraulics would force eveyone to stand - including the away fans

 

[Easy 10]

If sections of the hydraulic machine can be operated independently of each other then a certain section of the ground who do not support the team enough during the game could be kept behind after the final whistle. The players could have their own voting buttons to vote for which sections gets let out first.

GENIUS !
Perhaps at the end of the game, a small, brief but noticable electrical current could be passed through those fans who have not used their button in support of the team during the game, as punishment. Lordy, the possibilities for this are endless. Finally, truley interactive football between the team and the fans.

 

[MRRF 10]

i like the sound of this

 

[Minghawk]

how about wiring up the opposition fans' seats to the electric?

again, enough buttons simultaneously pushed by the home fans could see a hair-raising effect.....

 

[Minghawk]

-ah once again easy - you beat me to it

 

[Gazwag]

Enough already! Let's do it!

Business case anyone?

If we incorporate a red button we could get sponsorship from Sky

 

[Hilton]

If we put the entire stand on a huge hydraulic machine, perhaps the whole stand could be lifted and waved around in the air when we score. We could all have buttons attached to the seats which we press to "vote" in order to activate the joyride in a goal celebration. In a stand holding 4,000 fans, you should need, say, 75% of the buttons to he held down simultaneously (ie when a goal is scored) to kick it all off. It could spin us upside down and EVERYTHING (but hold on to your burger). Abuse of the ref will however have to be done from a seated position (unless enough people activate their buttons in a rage).

The more I think about this, the more I like it.

That is possibly the greatest idea I have EVER heard!!