Late Friday Joke

[Kumquat]

A bloke goes to the Docs to have an examination
The Doc tells him
" I'm sorry but I have some bad news for you, you have a strain of Aids called HIV 556".

" What does that mean" says the bloke.
" It means you'll be dead in 3 days" says the Doc

So he goes home and tells his mum " I've got HIV 556 I'll be dead in 3 days". She says " Well, come down the bingo hall with me tonight.

"THE BINGO HALL !!!
THE BINGO HALL I'll be dead in 3 days whats the point?"
"Just come down anyway she says". So he goes to the bingo.

He won everything, 4 corners, any line, full house.
Up comes the National Grid, he won £87k.

The bingo caller said " Son I've never seen someone so luck in my life !"

"LUCKY !" he said

"LUCKY ! I've got HIV556!!!"
The bingo caller said " f*** me you've won the raffle as well!!"

 

[Lovecake]

awful

 

[Notters]

 

[Frutos]

Where's the joke?

 

[leigull]

I usually quite like the rubbish jokes on here, but wow that was bad!

 

[Monsieur Le Plonk]

ROBOT FOR SALE:
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that day.
The son says, "I did some schoolwork." The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
Son says, "Toy Story." The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, Ok we were watching porn."

Dad says,"What?
At your age I didn't even know what porn was!"
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says,"Well he certainly is your son!"
The robot slaps the mother........


***Robot for sale***

 

[Kumquat]

A bloke goes to the Docs to have an examination
The Doc tells him
" I'm sorry but I have some bad news for you, you have a strain of Aids called HIV 556".
" What does that mean" says the bloke
"That you're gonna be dead very soon"
"How long have I got?"
The doc says "Ten."
"Ten what? Months? Weeks?"
The doc looks at him sadly and says "Nine"

 

[Icy Gull]

A conversation in heaven ( must be Americans with these names)


SYLVIA:
Hi! Wanda.

WANDA:
Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?

SYLVIA:
I froze to death.

WANDA:
How horrible!

SYLVIA:
It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from
the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy,
and finally died a peaceful death.
What about you?

WANDA:
I died of a massive heart attack.
I suspected that my husband was cheating,
so I came home early to catch him in the act.
But instead, I found him all by himself
in the den watching TV.

SYLVIA:
So, what happened?

WANDA:
I was so sure there was another woman
there somewhere that I started running
all over the house looking. I ran up into
the attic and searched, and down into the
basement. Then I went through every closet
and checked under all the beds. I kept this up
until I had looked everywhere, and finally
I became so exhausted that I just keeled over
with a heart attack and died.

SYLVIA:
Too bad you didn't look in the freezer
---we'd both still be alive.

 

[Surrey_Albion]

After shagging Cheryl Cole the other day I have learnt two thing,
1)her Boobs are not great ,probably false
and
2) the staff at Madame Tussuads are miserable fuckers!!

 

[spig100963]

Just to spice things up I said to my wife, "We'll do a bit of role playing tonight."

She was well up for it.

So I said, " You dress up like Whitney Houston, and I'll run you a bath..."

 

[DanielT]

A bloke goes to the Docs to have an examination
The Doc tells him
" I'm sorry but I have some bad news for you, you have a strain of Aids called HIV 556".
" What does that mean" says the bloke
"That you're gonna be dead very soon"
"How long have I got?"
The doc says "Ten."
"Ten what? Months? Weeks?"
The doc looks at him sadly and says "Nine"

That's how it should have gone!

 

[Paris]

A bloke goes to the Docs to have an examination
The Doc tells him
" I'm sorry but I have some bad news for you, you have a strain of Aids called HIV 556".

" What does that mean" says the bloke.
" It means you'll be dead in 3 days" says the Doc

So he goes home and tells his mum " I've got HIV 556 I'll be dead in 3 days". She says " Well, come down the bingo hall with me tonight.

"THE BINGO HALL !!!
THE BINGO HALL I'll be dead in 3 days whats the point?"
"Just come down anyway she says". So he goes to the bingo.

He won everything, 4 corners, any line, full house.
Up comes the National Grid, he won £87k.

The bingo caller said " Son I've never seen someone so luck in my life !"

"LUCKY !" he said

"LUCKY ! I've got HIV556!!!"
The bingo caller said " f*** me you've won the raffle as well!!"

Mike Reid RIP

 

[GoldWithFalmer]

I've got a good joke-Crystal Palace! so there!!!

 

[Lovecake]

A bloke goes to the Docs to have an examination
The Doc tells him
" I'm sorry but I have some bad news for you, you have a strain of Aids called HIV 556".
" What does that mean" says the bloke
"That you're gonna be dead very soon"
"How long have I got?"
The doc says "Ten."
"Ten what? Months? Weeks?"
The doc looks at him sadly and says "Nine"

enjoyed that one a lot

 

[GingerBeerMan]

A bloke goes to the Docs to have an examination
The Doc tells him
" I'm sorry but I have some bad news for you, you have a strain of Aids called HIV 556".
" What does that mean" says the bloke
"That you're gonna be dead very soon"
"How long have I got?"
The doc says "Ten."
"Ten what? Months? Weeks?"
The doc looks at him sadly and says "Nine"

A billion times better than the first joke. Laughed hard. *LIKE*

 

[MrRubix]

That was quality, good work

 

[Scampi]

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replies, "That would be my wife."

 

[BHAFC_Pandapops]

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replies, "That would be my wife."

class!

 

[del_boy]

After shagging Cheryl Cole the other day I have learnt two thing,
1)her Boobs are not great ,probably false
and
2) the staff at Madame Tussuads are miserable fuckers!!

haha