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[Humour] King for a day - 5 Rules

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Brighton Lines

The Manifestation of Moribund
Apr 5, 2014
19,813
1. All pundits who describe Albion v Palace as the A23/M23 derby made to walk said roads with their underpants on their head and forced to attempt commentary on the match from their end points with no TV footage available.
2. Anyone who uses the phrase 'Have a lovely rest of a your day' stripped of their English Language qualifications.
3. Any Albion fan who describes a lower league team as 'Tinpot' forced to watch the Hereford away match in 1997 on a continual loop and write an essay entitled 'Where we would be now if Tony Bloom hadn't bothered'
4. NSC to have a down period of 24 hours after any Albion defeat, unless a person can prove sobriety or be nice about referees.
5. Anyone who describes a town as as a 'shithole,' especially if having never been there, to spend a day in a whole full of shit and write a comparison report afterwards.
 


May 2, 2020
584
Palookaville
1. Huge rewards for information leading to the conviction of taggers.

2. Return of the stocks and ritual public humiliation of taggers.

3. Convicted taggers to pay for the removal of all their talentless scribblings on walls and public areas. And double where they have tagged proper street art and the grafitti of the talented.

4. A cap on rail fares so that the train is ALWAYS cheaper than the same journey by air.

5. Massive subsidies for the construction of tram/trolleybus networks.
 
Feb 23, 2009
20,173
Brighton factually.....
I have done my serious 5 rules king for a day, now my silly king for a day 5 rules.

1: Cyclists who ride on the road when there is a cycle path specially built for them running parallel with said road - to be put in stocks and pelted with out of date cat food for 2 hours 23 minutes.

2: Close the Brighton Kop, all known participants past or present to be rounded up, those that were not born within a 20 mile radius of Liverpool to be sent to Fazakerley to live for two weeks.

3: England to withdraw from the Qatar world cup on the grounds that we do not want to raise everyone's expectations so close to Christmas and bring the whole country down just before a festive period.

4: All the leading political party leaders of their respective parties to be placed in Big Brother house for two weeks before the each election, so we can see what devious little feckers they all are.

5: All football club owners who do not reside in the country of the club they own, to be made to live in the poorest part of that town for two weeks, so they can understand the people and areas.
 

rippleman

Members
Oct 18, 2011
4,166
I have done my serious 5 rules king for a day, now my silly king for a day 5 rules.

1: Cyclists who ride on the road when there is a cycle path specially built for them running parallel with said road - to be put in stocks and pelted with out of date cat food for 2 hours 23 minutes.

2: Close the Brighton Kop, all known participants past or present to be rounded up, those that were not born within a 20 mile radius of Liverpool to be sent to Fazakerley to live for two weeks.

3: England to withdraw from the Qatar world cup on the grounds that we do not want to raise everyone's expectations so close to Christmas and bring the whole country down just before a festive period.

4: All the leading political party leaders of their respective parties to be placed in Big Brother house for two weeks before the each election, so we can see what devious little feckers they all are.

5: All football club owners who do not reside in the country of the club they own, to be made to live in the poorest part of that town for two weeks, so they can understand the people and areas.

Not silly at all. All seem perfectly reasonable proposals to me.
 

Easy 10

Brain dead MUG SHEEP
Jul 5, 2003
60,057
Location Location
Fair point on the lattes, but pubs need to have black coffee. I'm not drinking that Red Bull swill when I hit a dip. I'll have whiskey in it if it makes you feel better.

I don't care what you have in it, as long as it doesn't tie up the bar staff for about 25 minutes with a clicking, whirring, steamy chrome machine round the corner with lots of taps and handles. I'd just have those things banned from pubs, tbh. There is no place for them.

I wouldn't walk into KFC and order a roast would I.
 


zefarelly

Members
Jul 7, 2003
19,544
Sussex, by the sea
I don't care what you have in it, as long as it doesn't tie up the bar staff for about 25 minutes with a clicking, whirring, steamy chrome machine round the corner with lots of taps and handles. I'd just have those things banned from pubs, tbh. There is no place for them.

I wouldn't walk into KFC and order a roast would I.

If you'd had enough JD and coffee, you probably would :lolol:
 

Peteinblack

Members
Jun 3, 2004
3,054
Bath, Somerset.
1. Make it illegal to text while walking in public (lift your head up and look where you're going, muppet).
2. Compulsory communication skills courses for people constantly punctuate their sentences with "like" or "Ohmigod" (basically most teenage girls/young women).
3. Ban from live music venues people who talk (shout) to their mate(s) throughout a gig - I've paid £30-70 to listen to a fave band, not hear about your relationship problems.
4. Counselling for people who think Mrs Brown's Boys and/or Miranda Hart are hilarious.
5. A 'pay ratio' - in any company, bosses and CEOs not to be paid more than 30 times what they pay their lowest-paid workers.
 
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Live by the sea

Members
Oct 21, 2016
3,288
Inheritance tax at 100%
Free scool meals for all u16s
Free university education
Free public transport
Mass building of social housing



Except we don’t live in a communist state. Free school meals for all kids whose family can’t afford them but the majority can .

University education if it was totally free would probably be abused by a minority. There needs to be some charge to ensure it is taken seriously .

If your parents / family have worked hard all their life and want to pass on property/ shares : money and other assets to you , then absolutely they should be allowed to . Personally I don’t think inheritance should be taxed at all .

Public transport should be free to people that can’t afford it but ridiculous to suggest free to all ., way to expensive and again would be abused.

Mass building of social housing I don’t agree with , it would just create a ghetto environment that no one wants . Better for people to use the current options in place .
 


Taybha

Whalewhine
Oct 8, 2008
25,977
Uwantsumorwat
1. Bring back Mr Ben
2. Bring back Captain Pugwash
3. Bring back The Treacle People
4. Bring back National Service
5. Invade Russia.
 
Feb 28, 2009
5,607
NANTGAREDIG
1. Cycle lanes on EVERY road
2. Philius Fogg's Mignon Morceauxs to be brought back
3. Caravans and mobile homes only out after dark
4. Farmers to compulsory remove cow excreta from roads not just put up a skiddy sign (local issue) geddit?
5. Equal monthly amounts of sun and rain.............. I am the Sun King
 

Binney on acid

Members
Nov 30, 2003
2,255
Shoreham
A solid gold life sized Fred Binney statue to be erected on the Amex centre spot.
Boris to be vasectimised with a brick. Southern Comfort to be used as anaesthetic.
A prison sentence for anyone spelling words like colour and flavour without the U, and for spelling words like programme without the second M and the E.
The use of the words 'Artisan' and 'Iconic' to be prohibited between the hours of 06:00 and 05:55. Pretentious, moi ?
The playing of 'Bohemian Rhapsody' either in your own home, or in public, to be punishable by an Amex half time stoning.
 

Guinness Boy

“Self appointed racist finder general”
All-powerful Moderator
Jul 23, 2003
28,844
Up and Coming Sunny Portslade
Except we don’t live in a communist state. Free school meals for all kids whose family can’t afford them but the majority can .

University education if it was totally free would probably be abused by a minority. There needs to be some charge to ensure it is taken seriously .

If your parents / family have worked hard all their life and want to pass on property/ shares : money and other assets to you , then absolutely they should be allowed to . Personally I don’t think inheritance should be taxed at all .

Public transport should be free to people that can’t afford it but ridiculous to suggest free to all ., way to expensive and again would be abused.

Mass building of social housing I don’t agree with , it would just create a ghetto environment that no one wants . Better for people to use the current options in place .

I said you get to make 5 rules, not respond to someone else’s with unproven, right wing non sequiturs.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

Barnet Seagull

Luxury Player
Jul 14, 2003
5,798
Falmer, soon...
Except we don’t live in a communist state. Free school meals for all kids whose family can’t afford them but the majority can .

University education if it was totally free would probably be abused by a minority. There needs to be some charge to ensure it is taken seriously .

If your parents / family have worked hard all their life and want to pass on property/ shares : money and other assets to you , then absolutely they should be allowed to . Personally I don’t think inheritance should be taxed at all .

Public transport should be free to people that can’t afford it but ridiculous to suggest free to all ., way to expensive and again would be abused.

Mass building of social housing I don’t agree with , it would just create a ghetto environment that no one wants . Better for people to use the current options in place .

I dont think its appropriate in society that your life chances are determined by your wealth and opportunities at birth.

The reason to pass stuff on to your kids is to give them the best opportunity.

I think this opportunity should be available to all, not just those lucky enough to have benefited from inherited wealth either directly or indirectly.

What individuals do with the opportunities is up to them.

The longer term of this would be universal basic income which I believe is where society should head. A more progressive, society where individuals are free to offer their labour for additional wealth should they wish.

Very much not communist as private ownership is still very much part of the equation. In addition, how hard you work generates additional wealth for the individual.

Hopefully in my lifetime...
 

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