[Humour] King for a day - 5 Rules

[um bongo molongo]

1. Illegal to stand still on a flat travelator in airports. It’s flat, you morons, it’s supposed to help you walk faster.
2. Football games do not stop for substitutions. Once the board goes up, the player coming off can take no further part in the game and the player coming on can’t do so until the other leaves the pitch. No more dawdling off to waste time.
3. A new yellow card offence for ‘exaggeration’. Can be issued even if there’s a foul, if a player makes a pathetic yelp, throws themselves dramatically to the floor, or makes excessive rolls. Also known as the Salah law.
4. Anyone getting to the front of the queue for the bars at the Amex without already having determined what they and their mates are having to be immediately sent to the back of the queue and told to get their order ready there.
5. People who went to public school excluded from any job in public office, and particularly from being Prime Minister.

 

[portlock seagull]

If it’s black - fight back
If it’s brown - lay down
If it’s white- goodnight!

I love the fact Polar Bears are the only living animal that actively HUNTS HUMANS!!

 

[portlock seagull]

I dont think its appropriate in society that your life chances are determined by your wealth and opportunities at birth.

But isn’t that life? Fact you’re born in Britain increases your chances, how do you prevent that?! Equally, your DNA far exceeds wealth’s influences.

Anyway, everyone on here is ****ed by association. Following Albion will have knocked several years off all our lives.

 

[Barnet Seagull]

We can definitely agree on your last point!

 

[Superphil]

People who talk/shout at gigs for more than a couple of seconds to express contentment/dislike of a particular part of the act.

All football fixtures to be returned to 3pm Saturdays or 7.45 Tuesdays with perhaps the exception of cup finals and semi finals.

All teams playing away to wear their club colours unless there is a colour clash with the home side.

VAR to be abolished.

Johnson to reverse Brexit, and his own personal cost, on account of the fact he and his cronies lied to the British public to get them to vote for it. Then he, and every single one of the current Tory party to be banned from ever standing for public office. Subsequent Tory candidates, and new candidates for all other political parties to pass stringent vetting to ensure they are not complete and utter ****tard **** wankers before being allowed to serve the British public.

 

[clapham_gull]

I'd ban the relentless rolling text messages I get from companies asking me to rate my "experience".

As I've just moved house I've been inundated.

Yesterday I had some compost delivered from Wickes. The bloke rang the doorbell and I told him to leave it outside, thanked him and shut the door.

Today, I got the text asking me to rate my "experience".

Ok let's do it now:

First, please can you tell me confirm that you have received a delivery from Wickes.

[ ] Yes
[ ] No

Ok, interesting - let's select NO.

The response ?

Whether you received your delivery or not we would like to understand more about your experience.

 

[BadFish]

1. Abolish political parties - Bring an idea, discuss it and vote for it if it is good
2. Then right to vote is given either for parliament or for reality TV - choose.
3. Sterilize everyone and unsterilized only those who pass a parenting exam/course
4. Legalise Drugs - All of them, if you wanna get off your wooee then go for it. Take profits give half to help those who have finished getting off their chops and would now like to stop and half to scientists to find a way to make them healthier and less moreish. Oh and a secret half to me for when I am not king anymore
5. Criminalise peas - the disgusting green ********

 

[BadFish]

I'd ban the relentless rolling text messages I get from companies asking me to rate my "experience".

As I've just moved house I've been inundated.

Yesterday I had some compost delivered from Wickes. The bloke rang the doorbell and I told him to leave it outside, thanked him and shut the door.

Today, I got the text asking me to rate my "experience".

Ok let's do it now:

First, please can you tell me confirm that you have received a delivery from Wickes.

[ ] Yes
[ ] No

Ok, interesting - let's select NO.

The response ?

Whether you received your delivery or not we would like to understand more about your experience.

They don't stop now, I am still getting emails from a month ago. Please tell us what you think?? please??

Needy ****ing stalkers, leave me alone I just needed a replacement blade for my nutribullet, it's fine.