[Misc] Just some stuff I need to express somewhere...

[Bry Nylon]

Sincere condolences and best wishes, my Swedish chum

Ta hand om dig

 

[chickens]

My condolences to you. Don’t feel under any pressure to demonstrably grieve. It will hit when it’s good and ready, and not before.

You’re doing all the right things, and I like to think that most (if not all) of us on here are wishing you the best in what is certain to be a tough time in your life.

Remember the good, forgive the bad, and there will come a time when you can look back at this as a past event, rather than something occupying huge swathes of the “now.”

I wish you the best.

 

[Motogull]

Chin up fella. It is a shit situation but you will come out the other side okay.

 

[Eeyore]

My sincere condolences @Han Solo

Having lost my dad last year, all I can add that’s useful is it hits you at the most unexpected times.

Sorry to hear you lost your Dad mate. I seem to remember hew was very good guitar in hand ? I'm sure I met him a couple of times way back when.

 

[Machiavelli]

Sad to hear about this. Many condolences @Han Solo

There is no wrong or right way with grief. Travel your own path. Best wishes.

Yes, spot on.
We lost our mum a decade ago, and Dad last year, both had long, relatively comfortable lives. Both their deaths were different -- one sudden, the other prolonged -- but it's so difficult to process, to know what to do, how to think, etc, etc.
Going out into nature is a good response. I did the Seven Sisters a day or two after on both occasions.
All the best @Han Solo

 

[Eeyore]

Just 15 minutes ago received a call that my dad died last night.
I am in a short sigh of relief, in between two emotional deep dives. Yesterday I was worried for the umpteenth day in a row, tomorrow I will deal with uncontactable half-siblings, one-eyed 15-year-old cats. Sooner rather than later I will yet again start to think of memories, these ugly things that tend to invoke terrible sadness. Right now I'm able to push those memories away, while exploring this new emotional environment of empty relief... and old habit of writing on NSC.

It feels ok. The emotional truck is coming but for now I will try to eat something good and enjoy the calm spring sunshine.

Sad to hear this. The memories seem painful at first. But it does get better.

 

[Guinness Boy]

Sorry to hear you lost your Dad mate. I seem to remember hew was very good guitar in hand ? I'm sure I met him a couple of times way back when.

You did. He made his living teaching and playing the guitar.

 

[US Seagull]

I need to vent somewhere and its going to have to be here. Sorry folks.

Well... this such a weird thing to post on a British football (well) forum with a bunch of people I've never met, but then that goes for a lot of things I post here.

If I post something on Facebook, too many people I know get too emotional, and I don't want to be a burden to anyone. I know many people struggle more with bad things in life, getting severe depressions and eating antidepressives or ceasing to exist or whatever, than I do. So I never/rarely talk about my own problems as I've got nearly insane coping mechanisms.
As a kiddo I was wild and violent, struggling to express myself. Was taken to a therapy school for two years and came out of it as something of a machine, able to turn every negative thought to a positive one and so forth. A life saver, but not always practical.

I also started smoking weed when I was 18. Not because I needed or wanted it but because all my friends did and they had such a good time, so why not. And it was lovely, especially the music.

As time went on, weed became more and more of my main coping mechanism. I remember a close friend dying from an MDMA overdose at Roskilde and when I was told about it I was so baked I only thought "ok this is sad but I'd like to not think about it" and that has been a solution for me whenever shit gets too hot to handle.
Now my father is dying.

He's only 62 but has been struggling with his health for 5+ years.

When he got a throat tumour in August or September last year he was considered having 1/3 of a chance of surviving it. Two weeks ago there was finally an end to this as a friend of my dad (he doesn't like sentimentality either) told me "Petter doesn't have long left. The doctors said 'weeks, not months'".

I said "Ok, not good". And obviously I've been staying away from the roughest emotions through various inner coping methods: "well, he doesn't like modern life anyway", "he's suffering so much, it'll be good for him to go", "once he dies I will carry on his memory through collecting his writings and publish it, he'd be happy with that". And so forth so forth.

Combined with a situation where I no longer get social welfare and cannot pay my rent, the situations are adding up and all this coping takes a lot of effort, ESPECIALLY since I've decided not to smoke any weed; I'm not going to watch my dad die and feel nothing and carry around that bad concious for the rest of my life.

Another mindfucker soon appeared: I realised I have absolutely no clue what to do when he dies.

Am I supposed to drag his dead body to the morgue myself? The vague Swedish bureacracy seems to think that I should be responsible for taking care of his belongings (value ca £0), the cleaning of his apartment, arranging the funeral. I wouldn't be surprised somewhere within these vague instructions includes "oh, and bring a shovel".

Probably doesn't work the same here as in UK but any of you have any experience of NOT knowing what to do in a situation like this? Or do people learn this in schools at some lesson I didn't attend?

I'm not his only kid though, so I'm also supposed to somehow involve my heavily autistic half-brother (who I haven't met since another relatives funeral 16 years ago, when my brother was 4) and my psychotic half-sister who is a shell of a human since her Postpartum depression ~8 years ago.

So yeah me, the soon to be homeless guy, my sister who believes her kid and everyone else are demons and my autistic half-brother - who appears to have emigrated to somewhere or another - are supposed to throw some kind of worthy funeral. I think. Or maybe the state pops up and says "yeah you can't afford this so we're digging a hole somewhere and arranging the little church thing and all that shit", but I would'nt expect it.

For the first time in my life I feel as weird as I am, and its just massively impractical to the point where I've decided that once all the fires have been put out, I MUST change.
But right now... any perspectives and insights are welcome, because I'm almost paralyzed with confusion and worries... and you know, I've never sought help for anything. I don't want to be a burden to society or the people living in it, I don't want to steal time and resources from those who really need it. This means I actually don't have a damn clue what society has to offer when it comes to solving intricate puzzles.

Thats that. Thanks for reading this ventilation piece. Now I gotta go home to my dad (he has decided to die in his shitty apartment, probably because he can smoke cannabis there) and talk. Its ok, 5% old memories, 95% gallows humour; I'm saving sadness for when the moment comes.

I have no practical advice for you, I'm afraid, but I wish you the very best.

I doubt anybody really knows what to do when they suddenly need to take care of somebody's final arrangements. It's a difficult position to be in.

 

[herecomesaregular]

Grief is a weird one. Hard always to tell how it might affect us. Hope you find a way through it.

 

[Comrade Sam]

I wish you long life brother.

 

[tstanbur]

Sorry to hear your sad news. It’s always good to talk.

 

[Green Cross Code Man]

I am very sorry for your loss Han/Swansman. I hope you can remember the good times with your dad and that this will comfort you.

 

[Oh_aye]

Just 15 minutes ago received a call that my dad died last night.
I am in a short sigh of relief, in between two emotional deep dives. Yesterday I was worried for the umpteenth day in a row, tomorrow I will deal with uncontactable half-siblings, one-eyed 15-year-old cats. Sooner rather than later I will yet again start to think of memories, these ugly things that tend to invoke terrible sadness. Right now I'm able to push those memories away, while exploring this new emotional environment of empty relief... and old habit of writing on NSC.

It feels ok. The emotional truck is coming but for now I will try to eat something good and enjoy the calm spring sunshine.

Sorry for you loss HS and take care of yourself pal.

 

[boik]

Sorry to hear your sad news Hans. Hope the light at the end of the tunnel gets brighter soon.

 

[BrightonCottager]

Sorry to hear this, and all the best for negotiating the relatives and the funeral. I still think of my dad who died 25 years ago, so they live on in our heads and (sometimes) actions.

 

[Simster]

Sorry for your loss @Han Solo and that things get better for you now. Oh and I hope you feel that posting on here has helped in some small way. Take care.

 

[CaergybiGull]

I just wanted to say the kindness shown by all here is very moving, NSC indeed at its very best.

Han, my sincere condolences. Please be kind to yourself.

 

[Commander]

Just 15 minutes ago received a call that my dad died last night.
I am in a short sigh of relief, in between two emotional deep dives. Yesterday I was worried for the umpteenth day in a row, tomorrow I will deal with uncontactable half-siblings, one-eyed 15-year-old cats. Sooner rather than later I will yet again start to think of memories, these ugly things that tend to invoke terrible sadness. Right now I'm able to push those memories away, while exploring this new emotional environment of empty relief... and old habit of writing on NSC.

It feels ok. The emotional truck is coming but for now I will try to eat something good and enjoy the calm spring sunshine.

Sorry to hear that mate.

 

[Change at Barnham]

(Guardian article) What is the meaning of life? 15 possible answers – from a palliative care doctor, a Holocaust survivor, a jail inmate and more

I found this article very helpful. It's great that it's not judgemental, just different ways of looking at the meaning of life. There is something there for everyone.

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad's passing. Remember, that there is no hurry to get everything done.
It's written in the stars that we will be playing away in Sweden next season, I look forward to buying you a beer.

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

My thoughts are with you. Don’t let anyone tell you how you should be feeling, that’s up to you. In time however, the sadder memories will lessen to be overtaken by the happier ones.