Jokes Jokes Jokes -Roll them up

[Louisjpbacon]

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?



A nervous wreck

 

[Fred Oliver - Legend]

>A young blonde Portsmouth girl, down on her luck, decided to end it all
>one night by casting herself into the cold, dark waters off Gunwharf
>Quay.
>
>As she stood on the edge, pondering the infinite, a young sailor noticed
>her as he strolled by.
>
>"You're not thinking of jumping, are you babes?" he asked.
>"Yes, I am." replied the sobbing girl.
>Putting his arm around her, the kind sailor coaxed her back from the
>edge.
>
>"Look, nothing's worth that. I'll tell you what; I'm sailing off for
>America tomorrow. Why don't you stow away on board and start a new life
>over there? I'll set you up in one of the lifeboats on the deck, bring
>you food and water every night and I'll look after you if you look after
>me - if you know what I mean. You just have to keep very quiet so that
>you won't be found".
>
>The girl, having no better prospects, agreed, and the sailor sneaked her
>on board that very night. For the next 3 weeks the sailor came to her
>lifeboat every night, bringing food and water, and making love to her
>until dawn.
>Then, during the fourth week, the captain was performing a routine
>inspection of the ship and its lifeboats. He peeled back the cover to
>find the startled blonde, and demanded an explanation.
>
>The girl came clean, "I've stowed away to get to America. One of the
>sailors is helping me out, he set me up in here and brings me food and
>water every night and he's screwing me."
>
>The puzzled captain stared at her for a moment before a grin cracked his
>face and he replied,
>
>"He certainly is pet. This is the Isle of Wight Ferry!"

 

[Statto]

 

[Father Jack]

 

[dougdeep]

Crystal Palace.

 

[Basil Fawlty]

>A young blonde Portsmouth girl, down on her luck, decided to end it all
>one night by casting herself into the cold, dark waters off Gunwharf
>Quay.
>
>As she stood on the edge, pondering the infinite, a young sailor noticed
>her as he strolled by.
>
>"You're not thinking of jumping, are you babes?" he asked.
>"Yes, I am." replied the sobbing girl.
>Putting his arm around her, the kind sailor coaxed her back from the
>edge.
>
>"Look, nothing's worth that. I'll tell you what; I'm sailing off for
>America tomorrow. Why don't you stow away on board and start a new life
>over there? I'll set you up in one of the lifeboats on the deck, bring
>you food and water every night and I'll look after you if you look after
>me - if you know what I mean. You just have to keep very quiet so that
>you won't be found".
>
>The girl, having no better prospects, agreed, and the sailor sneaked her
>on board that very night. For the next 3 weeks the sailor came to her
>lifeboat every night, bringing food and water, and making love to her
>until dawn.
>Then, during the fourth week, the captain was performing a routine
>inspection of the ship and its lifeboats. He peeled back the cover to
>find the startled blonde, and demanded an explanation.
>
>The girl came clean, "I've stowed away to get to America. One of the
>sailors is helping me out, he set me up in here and brings me food and
>water every night and he's screwing me."
>
>The puzzled captain stared at her for a moment before a grin cracked his
>face and he replied,
>
>"He certainly is pet. This is the Isle of Wight Ferry!"

 

[dougdeep]