"Jokes" Forwarded by Work Colleagues....

[Titanic]

I was caught in the classic khazi dilemma at the Amex on Saturday. Only one space at the trough between a bloke to my left with an enormously intimidating hosepipe for a todger (incredibly he was white) and some young pup on my right who insisted on looking my way while he was peeing. Could I go? Could I Fug!

Sorry about that

 

[Leighgull]

I was caught in the classic khazi dilemma at the Amex on Saturday. Only one space at the trough between a bloke to my left with an enormously intimidating hosepipe for a todger (incredibly he was white) and some young pup on my right who insisted on looking my way while he was peeing. Could I go? Could I Fug!

Funnily enough I noticed a guy on my right looking at my massive hosepipe while a young lad to his right stared longingly at his tiny morsel. The bloke in the middle didn't seem to want to go either.

 

[Cian]

Surely if it's a long standing arrangement, the window cleaner would just send an invoice...

For £3.50? His accounts department would need to be more efficient than ours here, they claim it costs a tenner to raise an invoice.

 

[Badger]

For £3.50? His accounts department would need to be more efficient than ours here, they claim it costs a tenner to raise an invoice.

Not on each visit if it's only £3.50, you would invoice on monthly or quarterly.

 

[Notters]

young pup on my right who insisted on looking my way while he was peeing. Could I go? Could I Fug!

A lot of people seem to do this, not just at football. It drives me mad!

 

[bhafc99]

Actually, whilst I'm here. Nothing riles me up more than TRUE STORIES that colleagues send around. For example:

WARNING! DO NOT FLASH YOUR HEADLIGHTS AT DRIVERS WITHOUT THEIR LIGHTS ON - IT IS A GANG INITIATION CEREMONY. YOU WILL BE SHOT AT!!!111!!

or..

WARNING! A WOMAN WAS KILLED YESTERDAY BY A MAN PRETENDING TO BE A POLICE OFFICER IN AN UNMARKED POLICE CAR. DO NOT PULL OVER IF THE POLICE TRY TO ARREST YOU! EVER!

Oh God those messages make me whimper with pain at the gullible stupidity of people. And then they get all huffy if you point out to them it's obviously a hoax. Even more so if you prove it via snopes.com or something. Sigh.

WARNING! THIS IS A GENUINE EMAIL FROM A CHIEF POLICE PERSON IN A REAL POLICE STATION PLACE. A FRIEND'S CHILD WAS NEARLY KIDNAPPED YESTERDAY BY A MAN PRETENDING TO BE RAISING MONEY FOR AN EXPEDITION TO PERU AND DRIVING A RED CAR. DO NOT USE A KETTLE ON FRIDAY OR YOU WILL BE TURNED INTO AN AIR STEWARDESS.

 

[Trufflehound]

Oh God those messages make me whimper with pain at the gullible stupidity of people. And then they get all huffy if you point out to them it's obviously a hoax. Even more so if you prove it via snopes.com or something. Sigh.

WARNING! THIS IS A GENUINE EMAIL FROM A CHIEF POLICE PERSON IN A REAL POLICE STATION PLACE. A FRIEND'S CHILD WAS NEARLY KIDNAPPED YESTERDAY BY A MAN PRETENDING TO BE RAISING MONEY FOR AN EXPEDITION TO PERU AND DRIVING A RED CAR. DO NOT USE A KETTLE ON FRIDAY OR YOU WILL BE TURNED INTO AN AIR STEWARDESS.

It's all nonsense. Just calm down and breathe normally.

Then return your seat back and tray table to its full upright position. And make sure your seatbelt is securely fastened and all carry-on luggage is stowed underneath the seat in front of you or in the overhead bins.

Thank you.