Joke of the Year 2004

[Kev the Ape]

One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful blonde.
She asks "Santa will you stay with me?"
Santa says, "Ho ho ho i gotta go! i gotta deliver these toys to the children y'know!"
She takes off her nightgown, and wearing only a bra and pants, she asks, "Santa, now will you stay with me?"
Santa says, "Ho ho ho i gotta go! i gotta deliver these toys to the children y'know!"
She takes off everythink and asks "Santa, now will you stay with me?"
Santa replies, "Hey hey hey, i gotta stay! I can't get up the chimney with my dick this way!"

 

[Wardy]

Kev I first heard this when I was younger then you. It might have been the joke of 1004 but it is not the joke of 2004.

 

[Kev the Ape]

f*** off Wardy.

 

[The Great Cornholio]

f*** off Wardy.

How to win friends and influence people, the Kev way. And you wonder why you get slated.

 

[Kev the Ape]

How to win friends and influence people, the Kev way. And you wonder why you get slated.

Look sorry, it took me ages to come up with that bloody joke and he ruins it all. How would you feel.

 

[The Great Cornholio]

Look sorry, it took me ages to come up with that bloody joke and he ruins it all. How would you feel.

You didn't come up with it - you just typed it in. I have taken abuse many times for posting jokes that people have heard before.

If you can't take ribbing, you are on the wrong board.

 

[Braders]

Three mothers; a blonde, a brunette, and a red-head were all talking about their daughters. The brunette said; "I was looking through my daughter's things and I found cigarettes, I can't believe my daughter smokes." The red-head says; "Ladies, I was looking through my daughters things and I found a bottle of liquor, I can't believe my daughter drinks." The blonde says; "I was looking through my daughters things, and I found a box of condoms. I can't believe my daughter has a penis."

 

[fatfingers]

 

[Kev the Ape]

, cracker. well done Brads

 

[¡Cereal Killer!]

both good

 

[ben andrews' girlfriend]

What bees produce milk??



























Wait for it


















Boobies!!!!!

 

[¡Cereal Killer!]

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the
pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you
must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into
heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He
flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said.

You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.

He shook them and said, "They're bells". Saint Peter said you may pass
through the pearly gates.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and
finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just
what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "They're Carols".

 

[Wardy]

f*** off Wardy.

You sure it is your 18th Birthday? You seem to talk and act like my 3 year old daughter, except she's being going out with her boy friend at play group all term so I guess there is a differnece.

 

[Porky]

This guy dies and gets to the gates.
St. Peter says, "Is there any one act that you have performed that you think qualifies you for entry through these gates"?
The guy says, I was driving out west and came upon this bunch Satan's Choice bikers tormenting the hell out of this beautiful young girl. I stopped the car, got out,went up to the ape of a person who seemed to be their leader. I tore the ring out of his nose and both rings out of hi ears and told him that the next guy from this bunch of animals that torments this young girl answers to me"
St Peter says "That was very brave. When did this happen?"
The guy says, "About two minutes ago"

 

[Halftime Oranges]

All quality jokes

 

[Albion Down Under]

The Sad Story of the Inflatable Boy

This is the story of inflatable boy who is a student at an inflatable school and, while sitting in the inflatable class listening to the inflatable teacher he gets bored and decides to muck up. He soon finds himself in trouble and is asked to leave the inflatable classroom and go to see the inflatable principal, while walking down the inflatable corridor, he sees the inflatable Principal approaching him. Now inflatable boy and the inflatable principal just do not get on so inflatable boy pulls out a knife and stabs the inflatable principal before running down the inflatable stairs and through the inflatable quadrangle. He gets to the inflatable school gates and decides he hates the inflatable school and once more he pulls out his knife and sinks the knife into the inflatable school. He then runs as fast as his inflatable legs allow, all the way down the inflatable street and up Inflatable Rd finally he arrives at his inflatable home he runs through the inflatable door and into his inflatable bedroom where he locks his inflatable door and lies on his inflatable bed. One hour passes and there is a knock on his inflatable door and he soon realises it is his inflatable mum and the inflatable Police, in a fit of panic our inflatable boy yet again pulls out the knife and stabs himself. Later that evening, he wakes up in an inflatable bed in the inflatable hospital with all the inflatable doctors and nurses tending to him and, in the inflatable bed next to him, he sees the inflatable Principal looking rather deflated.

(This does get worse, you know.)

Shaking his deflated head ' more in sorrow than in anger ' the inflatable Principal gravely intones:

'Son I am very disappointed with you not only have you let me down; you've also let the school down, but worst of all, you've let yourself down."

 

[Waterhall Wizard]

I don't know what set of rules we are playing on this thread so I'll play it safe.

N orwich City

N owhere man

 

[Dover]

What about the one about the Jewish girl with the Irishman...
"You're not very tight for a jewish girl"
"No and you're not very thick for an Irishman."

 

[¡Cereal Killer!]

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: - - - silence - -

HUSBAND: "F**k"

 

[Stumpy Tim]

Look sorry, it took me ages to come up with that bloody joke and he ruins it all. How would you feel.

Now that's funny