[Humour] Joke of the day

[pasty]

Hm, bit of ctrl c ctrl v from the op?

 

[schmunk]

I bought my friend an elephant for his room.

He said "Thanks."

I said "Don't mention it."

Thank you, Tim.

 

[1066familyman]

This is silly. A snail could cover that distance in a day or two, why would they wait a whole year?

Depends on the snail.

I used to race snails.

In a bid to make one go faster I removed it's shell, but it only made it more sluggish.

 

[1066familyman]

The OP's joke puts me in mind of this one....

A plane was losing height due to engine failure and in danger of crashing.

The pilot, a white racist, decides drastic action is required, so makes the following announcement to the passengers.

'I regret to have to inform you that due to engine failure we are losing height and, unless further drastic action is taken, we will crash land. We need to lose weight quickly to remain airborne. I have already ditched all our luggage, but it's not enough, so sadly some passengers will have to go too. In the interests of fairness, I've decided to do it in alphabetical order. So first to go will be Africans, Blacks and Coons.

Panic stricken, a little African American boy turns to his Dad and says, 'That means us doesn't it? We're going to die!!'

To which his Dad calmly responds....'Sit tight Son and don't worry. Today, we is Niggers'.

 

[ConfusedGloryHunter]

Depends on the snail.

I used to race snails.

In a bid to make one go faster I removed it's shell, but it only made it more sluggish.

I'm pretty sure if you remove a snails shell it dies, so this a fairly horrific thing to have done.

 

[1066familyman]

I'm pretty sure if you remove a snails shell it dies, so this a fairly horrific thing to have done.

I have French ancestry.

 

[METALMICKY]

Curiously enough that same snail had a huge lottery win and decided to treat himself to a brand new Ferrari.

At the dealership the paperwork was just being completed when the snail remarked to the salesman that he wanted some customisations. Firstly, I'd like a big letter S painted on the roof and all the door panels he explained. He then detailed that he'd also like a big letter S painted on the boot, bonnet and all the side windows. At this point the bemused salesman gently requested why on earth he wanted the changes when he was already driving such a classic car? The snail acknowledged that but said to the salesman " Yes but when I'm driving down the road at 100 mph I want people to exclaim wow look at that S car go!

 

[Ken Livingstone Seagull]

The OP's joke puts me in mind of this one....

A plane was losing height due to engine failure and in danger of crashing.

The pilot, a white racist, decides drastic action is required, so makes the following announcement to the passengers.

'I regret to have to inform you that due to engine failure we are losing height and, unless further drastic action is taken, we will crash land. We need to lose weight quickly to remain airborne. I have already ditched all our luggage, but it's not enough, so sadly some passengers will have to go too. In the interests of fairness, I've decided to do it in alphabetical order. So first to go will be Africans, Blacks and Coons.

Panic stricken, a little African American boy turns to his Dad and says, 'That means us doesn't it? We're going to die!!'

To which his Dad calmly responds....'Sit tight Son and don't worry. Today, we is Niggers'.

Fookin hilarious.
Unless of course you have two African American sons like I do.
But, hey, just harmless banter, innit?
1066FM, you're welcome to come over to my manor and tell my kids that joke to their face.
Gutless racist.

 

[1066familyman]

Fookin hilarious.
Unless of course you have two African American sons like I do.
But, hey, just harmless banter, innit?
1066FM, you're welcome to come over to my manor and tell my kids that joke to their face.
Gutless racist.

I think you need to re read the joke to see who the subject of the joke is.

Thanks for the invite. Can I bring along my black African wife, and our four kids?

 

[lasvegan]

Should joke du jour threads now be relegated to the pit? Picking on blondes like that? Good grief…

 

[maltaseagull]

Should joke and du jour threads now be relegated to the pit? Picking on blondes like that? Good grief…

I think posts 28 &29 add to that suggestion.

I think you need to re read the joke to see who the subject of the joke is.

Thanks for the invite. Can I bring along my black African wife, and our four kids?

Not sure I agree that the racist pilot is the subject of the joke but am sure it´s not very funny.

 

[1066familyman]

I think posts 28 &29 add to that suggestion.

Not sure I agree that the racist pilot is the subject of the joke but am sure it´s not very funny.

May not be funny to everyone. That's the nature of jokes. Fair enough.

I believe it most certainly isn't a racist joke though. The complete opposite in fact. That may also be up for debate, but that's where I stand on it.

 

[Questions]

I think you need to re read the joke to see who the subject of the joke is.

Thanks for the invite. Can I bring along my black African wife, and our four kids?

Are they coons or niggers though ?

 

[Dick Knights Mumm]

The OP's joke puts me in mind of this one....

Why would you post that. What were you thinking.