Joke Du Jour

[Northstander]

. Ninety Year Old Man .


A ninety year old man lived in a rest home and got a weekend pass. He stopped in his favorite bar and sat at the end and ordered a drink. He noticed a seventy year old woman at the other end of the bar and he told the bartender to buy the lovely young lady a drink. As evening progressed, the old man joined the lady and they went to her apartment, where they got it on. Four days later, the old man noticed that he was developing a drip, and he headed for the rest home doctor. After careful examination the doctor asked asked the old man if he had engaged in sex recently.
The old man said, "Sure!"
The doctor asked if he could remember who the woman was and where she lived.
"Sure, why?"
"Well you'd better get over there, you're about to cum!"

 

[Kinky Gerbil]

 

[Marc]

Three men, one American, one Japanese and an Irishman were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager," he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later a 'phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile 'phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The Irishman felt decidedly low tech, but not to be outdone he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his bottom. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The Irishman glanced around behind in and said " B-jesus, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax!!!