Joke du jour

[One Love]

One of the great jokes but definetly should be left to Clement.

Good luck with that

 

[Hamilton]

Why didn't he just take his pants off and put them in a bin on the way home?

 

[Diego Napier]

I fear this is not a joke but a cry for help.

Did Mrs Simster accept the your fabrication?

 

[Bry Nylon]

There was this chap who was a terrible drunk. His wife said to him "If you go out and get drunk one more time I'm leaving you"
So the next night he's out drunk and is sick all down himself
He says to his friend " Oh no! If I go home like this my wife will leave me."
"Ah what you want to do," says his friend "is take a £20 note and put it in your inside pocket and when she starts shouting you say that some drunk fellow was sick down you and gave you £20 for your dry cleaning, then you show her the note"
"Yes I'm going to do that"
He goes home and sure enough as soon as he's through the door she starts
"You know what I told you if you got drunk again?.."
"Ah wait," he says " this is not my vomit, some other chap was sick on me then gave me this £20 note for my dry cleaning. Look"
"Ok but why have you got 2 £20 notes?"
"The 2nd one is from the chap who shat in my pants"

If you or anyone you know has been affected by the issues raised in this joke, the following organisations can provide help and support:

Alcoholics Anonymous
Women Living with Alcohol
Marks & Spencer - men's underwear

 

[Jbanged]

I'm sorry, but if he got so drunk that he VOMITED down himself and SHAT his pants, I'm not sure he'd be capable of putting two £20 notes in his pocket and explaining it to his wife. He's also quite likely to be slurring his words and his breath is going to STINK of booze.

And sick