Joke Du Jour

[Hyperion]

Cant find the other thread.

The BBC News channel just displayed images of the three women who claimed that Jimmy Savile interfered with them sexually. They showed a current picture of each of the women and a picture taken of each of them from the 1970s.

The caption read: Now, then. Now, then. Now, then

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went to that Tourettes Syndrome protest march today...

' WHAT DO WE WANT..................... .....EQUAL RIGHTS'

'WHEN DO WE WANT IT....................... .BOLLOCKS!

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Stevie Wonder got a cheese grater for his birthday, he appreciated it but said it was the most violent book he's ever read


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Ice. Ice. Baby






















Fred West going through his chest freezer

 

[Stat Brother]

You've let yourself, your family and friends down by including the other 3 not jokes.

 

[Hyperion]

You've let yourself, your family and friends down by including the other 3 not jokes.

Sorry. Just very very sorry

 

[Titus]

There was a march on behalf of Dementia Care at the weekend. The chant went; "What do we want? I don't know!" When do we want it? "

 

[seagullsoverlincoln]

i bought fifty shades of grey last weekend...it didnt do anything for me,and on top of that B&Q refused to take them back

 

[Cheeky Monkey]

Would Stevie Wonder be in a position to comment though? Would he not be in significant pain and have to be rushed to A&E? He might have felt warm liquid on his finger tips (blood) after a few pages and stopped would be the more likely scenario I shouldn't wager?!?!

 

[essbee]

I can drive a semantic morass of a bus through the logic in those jokes.

It just ain't good enough.

 

[Acker79]

6 pictures on the screen at once? Even on a widescreen tv they are going to be squashed or too small to make anything out.

What rights are denied to Tourette's sufferers?

What sort of crappy present is a cheese grater. The man is not a cook, and even if he was a cheese grater? That's some crappy gift-giving.

Fred west died 17 years ago, he can't be going through a freezer.

 

[The Lemming Stomper]

A bloke's wife went missing while diving off the West Australian Coast. He
reported the event, searched fruitlessly and spent a terrible night
wondering what could have happened to her. Next morning there's a knock at
the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a
younger Constable.



The Sarge says, 'Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really
bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news'.



'Well,' says the bloke, 'I guess I'd better have the bad news first?'



The Sarge says, 'I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill
here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef.
He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead.'



The bloke is naturally distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn.
But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good
news is.



The Sarge says, 'Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few
really good sized lobsters and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so
we've brought you your share.' He hands the bloke a bag with a couple of
nice lobsters and four or five crabs in it.



'Geez thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all
that... So what's the other possible good news?



'Well', the Sarge says, 'if you fancy a trip, me and young Bill here get
off duty around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up
again...

 

[Questions]

I find it highly unlikely that a talented pianist, with the wonderful touch that Stevie Wonder possesses when playing the piano would confuse a cheese grater with a book written in Braille. So for that reason I think the story is made up.

 

[essbee]

Lemming,

why would the police have fishing skills that you allude to? It doesn't add up.
Surely that's the coastguard's domain.

 

[Hyperion]

6 pictures on the screen at once? Even on a widescreen tv they are going to be squashed or too small to make anything out.

What rights are denied to Tourette's sufferers?

What sort of crappy present is a cheese grater. The man is not a cook, and even if he was a cheese grater? That's some crappy gift-giving.

Fred west died 17 years ago, he can't be going through a freezer.

Point one. Decent editing

Point two. A right to be a caption editor for the BBC

Point three. It was Grate Expectations

Point four. I never mentioned when this event took place

 

[HAILSHAM SEAGULL]

After the Jimmy Saville news, more scandal at the BBC, as someone is now saying they saw Rod Hull fisting a young bird in the 70's

 

[Acker79]

Point one. Decent editing

Point two. A right to be a caption editor for the BBC

Point three. It was Grate Expectations

Point four. I never mentioned when this event took place

Point 1 is a a politician's answer; vague and barely addresses the point
Point 2: being a caption editor for the bbc is not a right, an wouldn't be denied a tourette's sufferer because they write things in the job not speak them
Point 3 is a bad pun, not an explanation for why he was bought such a crappy present.
Point 4: You said fred west going through his chest freezer, not fred west when he went through his chest freezer

 

[essbee]

Hailsham -

that is funny

Here's another one. What is the difference between Rod Hull and Emu?

Both have got beaks, except Rod Hull.

 

[Acker79]

After the Jimmy Saville news, more scandal at the BBC, as someone is now saying they saw Rod Hull fisting a young bird in the 70's

Weren't rod hull and emu ITV?

 

[Hyperion]

Point 1 is a a politician's answer; vague and barely addresses the point
Point 2: being a caption editor for the bbc is not a right, an wouldn't be denied a tourette's sufferer because they write things in the job not speak them
Point 3 is a bad pun, not an explanation for why he was bought such a crappy present.
Point 4: You said fred west going through his chest freezer, not fred west when he went through his chest freezer

Please don't hurt me

 

[HAILSHAM SEAGULL]

Weren't rod hull and emu ITV?

Didnt he attack Parky?

 

[Acker79]

Didnt he attack Parky?

As a guest, but his own show was on ITV

 

[HAILSHAM SEAGULL]

But the complainent saw it on the Parkinson show.