Joke du Jour

[Crackpot]

After getting sent to Jail....I spent the next hour being held face down over a table and getting violently buggered in my ass.

Sometimes I think my Uncle Brian takes Monopoly way too seriously.

 

[Jesus Gul]

smirk

 

[harriri2000]

:thumbup:

 

[jackanada]

Probably best he's not the banker next time.

 

[Tony Towner's Fridge]

Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow....



"Ooh!" Said the presenter, "this is a very rare breed, have you any idea what

they would fetch if they were in good condition?"









"Sticks” Paddy replied".

TNBA


TTF

 

[Crackpot]

CHERIE BLAIR'S CHAUFFEUR
*
Cherie Blair is touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car.

Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on and the car comes to a stop.

Cherie, in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur: 'You get out and check - you were driving.

'The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead.

"You were driving; go and tell the farmer, ' says Cherie.

Five hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face.

'My goodness, what happened to you?' asks Cherie.

The chauffeur replies: ' When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me. '

'What on earth did you say?' asks Cherie. '

I knocked on the door, and when it was answered, I said to them:
' I'm Cherie Blair's chauffeur and I've just killed the cow.
*
*
*

 

[Crackpot]

A 16yr od girl tells her parents she is pregnant, to an older married man.

Dad says " Bring him home, I'll f***ing kill him",

The man arrives & says "I wont leave my wife but will take care of your daughter & my child, If its a girl they can have a house & £2million, If its a boy they can have a house, £2 million and Inherit my Company, but I dont know what to do if she miscarries"

The Father pauses and says "You could always f*** her again".

 

[Norman Potting]

Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow....



"Ooh!" Said the presenter, "this is a very rare breed, have you any idea what

they would fetch if they were in good condition?"









"Sticks” Paddy replied".

TNBA


TTF

Nearly made me fall off my chair, well done you!

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

One man says to his mate: "Oi, can I borrow your paper?"
Mate says: "Why? Use my Ipad, modern technology is so much smarter."
"You sure?" says the first bloke.
"Yeah, go ahead"

Five mins later first bloke returns:
"How did you get on with the Ipad?"

Bloke replies, "Yeah, good, the spider never stood a chance"

 

[Crackpot]

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking around with a coffin... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it...






I thought to myself, these fuckers have lost the plot!!

 

[Two Professors]

One man says to his mate: "Oi, can I borrow your paper?"
Mate says: "Why? Use my Ipad, modern technology is so much smarter."
"You sure?" says the first bloke.
"Yeah, go ahead"

Five mins later first bloke returns:
"How did you get on with the Ipad?"

Bloke replies, "Yeah, good, the spider never stood a chance"

HeHeHe hope Bozza doesn't see that!

 

[METALMICKY]

HeHeHe hope Bozza doesn't see that!

Or this!