If

[countryman]

The original detectives from New Tricks. Especially Brian.

 

[fat old seagull]

To return any children to me it would need to be Inspector Clouseau.

 

[Garage_Doors]

 

[CheeseRolls]

Jimmy Nail as Spender.

Obviously he is Oz in real life and will be able to nut any baddies and probably a few innocent Germans as well.

 

[Wellesley]

Definitely Columbo, he always knows whodunit in the first five minutes, then spends the next 55mins wearing them down.

 

[Frutos]

Vic Mackey

 

[Hyperion]

Monkfish from the Fast Show

 

[sydney]

hong kong phooey's cat.

 

[The Buttery Biscuit Base]

Taggart...

 

[Creaky]

I'm patently a miserable old git but I don't see imagining the abduction of your own children as a suitable basis for a lighthearted pastime

 

[Pevenseagull]

 

[Pevenseagull]

I'm patently a miserable old git but I don't see imagining the abduction of your own children as a suitable basis for a lighthearted pastime

you haven't met my kids

 

[pastafarian]

only one man for the job



anyone else is rank stupidity

 

[SouthCoastOwl]

Juliet Bravo

 

[surrey jim]

Cracker, as long as it was on one of his sober/ non all night gambling days.

Edit: thinking about i,t in every episode with kids abduction the kids end up dead.

 

[Surf's Up]

 

[Prince Monolulu]

 

[happypig]

 

[seagully]

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

Jim Rockford.