I received a text this morning and all it said was A G N B

[Seagullible]

How do elephants hide in cherry trees?
paint their balls red

What's the loudest sound in the jungle?
Monkeys eating cherries

I am officially, the worlds lease funny man

 

[Publius Ovidius]

its paint their Toenails red you bufoon

 

[the hitman]

The other day at an England taining session, Rooney got the ball and dribbled around Heskey, Shaun Wright Phillips, Johnson and finnaly Defoe, at which point Fabio Cappello was shakeing his head and shouting "around the CONES wayne, around the CONES"

 

[Commander]

Why did the Tiger get lost?










Because the JUNGLE IS MASSIVE

 

[Rich Suvner]

I thought to myself, that's BANG out of order.

LOKKI 7

 

[Stoo82]

Did you hear about the butcher who backed into a meat grinder?


He got a little behind in his work.

 

[Barrel of Fun]

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To get away from the Russians.


Edit: Maybe it was 'Why did the Chechen cross the road?'.

 

[Bevendean Hillbilly]

I like to lie in the bath with all the lights off except for the red-light on the shower console and the water, turned to cold, pouring over me.

I pretend I'm on a Submarine..that's sinking.

 

[Easy 10]

The other day at an England taining session, Rooney got the ball and dribbled around Heskey, Shaun Wright Phillips, Johnson and finnaly Defoe, at which point Fabio Cappello was shakeing his head and shouting "around the CONES wayne, around the CONES"

When was this ? Was this during training for the previous games against Slovakia and Croatia ?

I find this rather troubling. Capello's english has come on leaps and bounds since he took the job, but if Rooney misconstrued his managers instructions, believing him to have said "coons" instead of "cones", then this must raise concerns on several levels.

1. Capello's language is still proving to be a barrier
2. Rooney took what he must have thought to be a clearly racist instruction from the England manager, and yet still carried it out without question
3. Capello has taken the time to learn racist words in english, as it would seem he fully understood Rooneys misinterpretation of his words, as proved when he corrected him.

I don't remember seeing any of this in the papers, so hopefully it has all blown over and has not resulted in any racially based fissures developing in the England squad. Thats the LAST thing we need in the run-up to a World Cup.

 

[Buzzer]

What did the Scottish Siamese twins call their autobiography?




Oor Wullie.

 

[Lokki 7]

When was this ? Was this during training for the previous games against Slovakia and Croatia ?

I find this rather troubling. Capello's english has come on leaps and bounds since he took the job, but if Rooney misconstrued his managers instructions, believing him to have said "coons" instead of "cones", then this must raise concerns on several levels.

1. Capello's language is still proving to be a barrier
2. Rooney took what he must have thought to be a clearly racist instruction from the England manager, and yet still carried it out without question
3. Capello has taken the time to learn racist words in english, as it would seem he fully understood Rooneys misinterpretation of his words, as proved when he corrected him.

I don't remember seeing any of this in the papers, so hopefully it has all blown over and has not resulted in any racially based fissures developing in the England squad. Thats the LAST thing we need in the run-up to a World Cup.

4. Why is Rooney making the same mistake he made under Sven during the build up to the '06 world cup? Surely a player of his ability should be able to learn from simple errors that have been previously highlighted by experienced coaching staff?

 

[Brovion]

An old Scottish joke:

Q - What's the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?

A - Bing sings and Walt Disney.

 

[Bevendean Hillbilly]

An old Scottish joke:

Q - What's the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?

A - Bing sings and Walt Disney.

And the other one..

Man in a scottish bakery points at a cake...

"Is that a macaroon or a meringue?"

Assistant:

"Nae, yer not wrang, its a macaroon"

 

[Gazwag]

I saw a Muslim drowning in a lake the other day so I contacted the emergency services.......




I hope they saved him otherwise that's a waste of a 2nd class stamp.

You could have saved the cost of that stamp by taking your foot off their head

 

[The Ringleader]

two tampons see there friend crossing the street, which one waves?

neither, there both stuck up cunts

 

[Lander]

Sick Joke Wiki - Sickipedia ......

 

[Walkers Cajun Squirrel]

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a ...ihg32h9gj0fk0kfkkkkkkfmmnnn273fbf111...

...FOR FUCKS SAKE KANYE LET GO OF THE KEYBOARD!

 

[Dorset Seagull]

Marriage is like a witness protection scheme.You get new clothes, home, hair cut & you can't go to see your old mates any more.

 

[Dorset Seagull]

A Korean company recently brought out their own vegetarian version of an instant noodle snack. It’s called 'Not Poodle'.

 

[Dorset Seagull]

The crossword-setter for the local rag died last week. They buried him today. Six feet down and four across.