Hurray!!

[Meade's Ball]

I went to the gentlemen's toilet at work just now for a wee. The man in front of the only bowl there to wee in told me not to venture into the cubicle alongside him as there was "an atrocity" inside there. I had to have a look. What was it, you wonder. Well, the seat had a huge shit-swipe on it. A few dry globules, but a good number of smears too. It seems deliberate, hateful, uncleanly and untouched. A sign.
I do love a good pooey mystery. I want to know the sort of bum and mind that could have done this.

 

[Titanic]

You are a treasure, MB

 

[Northstander]

 

[Muzzman]

Hmmm.. sounds like a classic example of a 'Dirty Protest'

 

[Man of Harveys]

No toilet, nope, not even the "Black Hole of Barnet Away", could ever be more repulsive than the one Willow, Afters and I encountered on the train up to Carlisle on a Friday night a few years back.

I'm just going to say three words: Poo. Blood. Everywhere.

 

[Meade's Ball]

My manager is phoning the Facilities Manager right now to report the fact that the plastic is shittily unwiped. He's just told him that it's a difficult matter to report, but that, basically "<Meade's_Ball> says someone's shit the seat."
If i find out who has dropped this burst sausage and not done anything about it, i will send you a photo.

 

[Lammy]

We've had a few close calls at work. The plumbing is appauling. It's not helped by idiots using half a roll of paper to wipe their arse!

One time there was just such an occassion where the toilet was blocked with paper and a HUGE turn sitting on top of it all. I tried to flush it only to see the water leve rise, carrying to poo with it! The turn was about an inch from gushing over the top on onto the floor!

 

[NMH]

We've had a few close calls at work. The plumbing is appauling. It's not helped by idiots using half a roll of paper to wipe their arse!

One time there was just such an occassion where the toilet was blocked with paper and a HUGE turn sitting on top of it all. I tried to flush it only to see the water leve rise, carrying to poo with it! The turn was about an inch from gushing over the top on onto the floor!

turn?
So, was THAT what was Roger Waters was singing about on "One Of My Turns"!

 

[Les Biehn]

Burst sausage

 

[Trufflehound]

...the toilet was blocked with paper and a HUGE turn sitting on top of it all.

Did it look anything like this?

 

[Meade's Ball]

Well, someone, i am guessing it's the poopotrator, has returned to the scene of the turgid crime and wiped much of their filth away. There are now just two devilish dots there. I am imagining the person in question thinks they can excuse this mistake with the minimal damage they have caused. This devious hound is someone i want to sniff out of the system. I wish i'd been there to see who cleaned elements of their anal whimsy from the circle of regret. Whoever it is, i have a desperate urge to find.

 

[Goodfella]

Maybe it was your manager.

 

[Man of Harveys]

If anyone finds out who it is, that person will have to leave. At my old employ we all received an email telling the person who was blowing their nose over the dirty coffee cups in the kitchen sink to kindly desist, and soon everyone knew who it was. The perpetrator left the company within weeks in shame with a pitiably small leaving present collection. Just enough to buy a tissue with, in fact.

 

[Meade's Ball]

Maybe it was your manager.

He has two small-ish buttocks and a reputation to retain. Not one of his excellent cackology skills, but his promotion days would be over if he did this.
About two years ago, a man left a peg of plop on a toilet seat elsewhere in this building. He has been known as the Blotcher ever since and had to have a talking to about his toilet skills with HR. I still rue the fact i wasn't allowed to hide myself in a cupboard and listen to the query and response betwixt the HR Director and Blotcher.