Easy 10
Brain dead MUG SHEEP
ARE YOU A NIMBY ? Take the test.
Love them or hate them, there's just no ignoring them. Yes, NIMBYS are here to stay. They walk among us, eat with us, queue in the Post Office with us, and barge past us in crowded markets. You could even be sitting next to one as you read these words. But what exactly is a NIMBY ? How are they different from normal, everyday people ? Why not take this fun, simple test and find out whether in fact you are a fully paid-up member of the NIMBY society. Award yourself 1 point if you answer A, 2 points if you answer B, and 3 points if you answer C. And hey - be honest !
1. You decide to go on a traditional British summer holiday to a countryside campsite, and treat yourself to a top-of-the-range static caravan with all the mod cons. One day, as you are sitting outside your caravan enjoying the sunshine and idyllic lifestyle, a young family pitches up nearby and starts to put up their tent. Do you:
(A) Casually stroll over to them and offer your assistance. Proudly declare that you "received the Scouts equivalent of the V C for your prowess in tent erections", and give the mum of the family a knowing little wink whilst tapping the side of your nose. She is mildly attractive, the family seem nice enough, and you are only too pleased to help.
(B) Retreat to your caravan and close the door. Peek at them from behind the curtain from time to time to see how they are getting on, and hope that they are not welsh, or from a council estate.
(C) Stride over purposefully before they have even finished unloading their tent, and tell them in no uncertain terms that there are plenty of other adequate sites on which they can pitch their tent, which they clearly have not even had the decency to consider. Insist that they take their pikey tent and their grubby children somewhere else, where there is no danger of you seeing them, hearing them or even thinking about them, or else you will call the authorities.
2. You are looking after your eight year old grandson for the afternoon. He excitedly suggests that you get his Scalextric down from the loft, so you can build a large track together around the living room and race his cars. Do you:
(A) Fetch the Scalextric down and help your grandson build a spectacular track around the living room, complete with bridges, chicanes, and grandstands. You then spend a happy afternoon racing the cars around the track, as you wistfully think back to your own childhood when all you had to play with was a wooden hoop and an orange.
(B) Suggest you do something else. Its a nice day outside after all, and it would be a pity to waste it playing indoors. Plus you can't really be arsed to go digging around in the loft for bits of track when the bloody thing probably won't even work anyway. Take him to the park instead.
(C) Request that your grandson draw up a comprehensive planning application for the racetrack, insisting that everything is to scale. The application must include detailed evidence and research concerning the proposed route of the track, wiring issues, noise pollution, impact on the surrounding furniture and plants, issues on access in and around the living room once the track is in place, impact on carpets, timescales for construction, impact on pets, projected forcasts on usage, running costs, and potential plans for track extensions. Advise your grandson that you will give your decision on the application some time before his thirteenth birthday.
3. You are walking your dog "Barry" across the Downs one crisp winters morning. Overnight there had been some snowfall, and you come across some children who have just finished building a rather fetching snowman. Do you:
(A) Smile indulgently at the children and congratulate them on building such a splendid snowman. Then reach inside your coat pocket, and pull out a large carrot which you had actually planned to share with Barry for lunch. With a cheeky wink, you push the carrot into the snowmans head to give it that perfect finishing touch, leaving the children charmed and delighted.
(B) Ignore the snowman and the children, and give them a wide berth. Barry can get over-excited with youngsters around, and you are keen to avoid a repeat of the...unpleasantness...that happened last time.
(C) Accost the children and demand that they produce planning documents for their snowman, or the freehold certificate for the plot of land that they have just built on. When nothing is forthcoming and two of them start to cry, kick their snowman to bits and have Barry deficate on the remains. Warn each child that you know their parents, and that you would be referring the matter to the local council later that day.
Well, how did you get on ? Check your score below to see whether or not you are a NIMBY of the highest order.
1 to 3: You are a balanced and reasonable human being. You are sensitive to the needs of others, and will go out of your way to ensure their happiness. You are an eternal optimist who see's the good in all things. Popular and good-looking, you have a natural charisma which others find attractive, and many have commented on what a charming and wonderful person you are.
4 to 6: You are fairly easy-going and you try to see other peoples point of view. In general you will look out for number one, but by the same token you are quite tolerent of others. If you were a crisp, you would be a Walkers Cheese and Onion flavour - quite nice, if a little uninspiring. You could do with a little Salsa dip in your life, but you're harmless enough.
7 to 9: Well hello there NIMBY-boy. You will go out of your way to interfere in every aspect of everyone elses lives. If anyone so much as looks at you then you demand to see a permit, and god help anyone who sits next to you on a bus without first asking your permission. You have all the charisma of a pound of cheddar, and you are about as welcome as a turd in a swimming pool. People cover their mouths and snigger behind your back because of your haircut, and you wear stupid clothes. Everyone hates you.
Love them or hate them, there's just no ignoring them. Yes, NIMBYS are here to stay. They walk among us, eat with us, queue in the Post Office with us, and barge past us in crowded markets. You could even be sitting next to one as you read these words. But what exactly is a NIMBY ? How are they different from normal, everyday people ? Why not take this fun, simple test and find out whether in fact you are a fully paid-up member of the NIMBY society. Award yourself 1 point if you answer A, 2 points if you answer B, and 3 points if you answer C. And hey - be honest !
1. You decide to go on a traditional British summer holiday to a countryside campsite, and treat yourself to a top-of-the-range static caravan with all the mod cons. One day, as you are sitting outside your caravan enjoying the sunshine and idyllic lifestyle, a young family pitches up nearby and starts to put up their tent. Do you:
(A) Casually stroll over to them and offer your assistance. Proudly declare that you "received the Scouts equivalent of the V C for your prowess in tent erections", and give the mum of the family a knowing little wink whilst tapping the side of your nose. She is mildly attractive, the family seem nice enough, and you are only too pleased to help.
(B) Retreat to your caravan and close the door. Peek at them from behind the curtain from time to time to see how they are getting on, and hope that they are not welsh, or from a council estate.
(C) Stride over purposefully before they have even finished unloading their tent, and tell them in no uncertain terms that there are plenty of other adequate sites on which they can pitch their tent, which they clearly have not even had the decency to consider. Insist that they take their pikey tent and their grubby children somewhere else, where there is no danger of you seeing them, hearing them or even thinking about them, or else you will call the authorities.
2. You are looking after your eight year old grandson for the afternoon. He excitedly suggests that you get his Scalextric down from the loft, so you can build a large track together around the living room and race his cars. Do you:
(A) Fetch the Scalextric down and help your grandson build a spectacular track around the living room, complete with bridges, chicanes, and grandstands. You then spend a happy afternoon racing the cars around the track, as you wistfully think back to your own childhood when all you had to play with was a wooden hoop and an orange.
(B) Suggest you do something else. Its a nice day outside after all, and it would be a pity to waste it playing indoors. Plus you can't really be arsed to go digging around in the loft for bits of track when the bloody thing probably won't even work anyway. Take him to the park instead.
(C) Request that your grandson draw up a comprehensive planning application for the racetrack, insisting that everything is to scale. The application must include detailed evidence and research concerning the proposed route of the track, wiring issues, noise pollution, impact on the surrounding furniture and plants, issues on access in and around the living room once the track is in place, impact on carpets, timescales for construction, impact on pets, projected forcasts on usage, running costs, and potential plans for track extensions. Advise your grandson that you will give your decision on the application some time before his thirteenth birthday.
3. You are walking your dog "Barry" across the Downs one crisp winters morning. Overnight there had been some snowfall, and you come across some children who have just finished building a rather fetching snowman. Do you:
(A) Smile indulgently at the children and congratulate them on building such a splendid snowman. Then reach inside your coat pocket, and pull out a large carrot which you had actually planned to share with Barry for lunch. With a cheeky wink, you push the carrot into the snowmans head to give it that perfect finishing touch, leaving the children charmed and delighted.
(B) Ignore the snowman and the children, and give them a wide berth. Barry can get over-excited with youngsters around, and you are keen to avoid a repeat of the...unpleasantness...that happened last time.
(C) Accost the children and demand that they produce planning documents for their snowman, or the freehold certificate for the plot of land that they have just built on. When nothing is forthcoming and two of them start to cry, kick their snowman to bits and have Barry deficate on the remains. Warn each child that you know their parents, and that you would be referring the matter to the local council later that day.
Well, how did you get on ? Check your score below to see whether or not you are a NIMBY of the highest order.
1 to 3: You are a balanced and reasonable human being. You are sensitive to the needs of others, and will go out of your way to ensure their happiness. You are an eternal optimist who see's the good in all things. Popular and good-looking, you have a natural charisma which others find attractive, and many have commented on what a charming and wonderful person you are.
4 to 6: You are fairly easy-going and you try to see other peoples point of view. In general you will look out for number one, but by the same token you are quite tolerent of others. If you were a crisp, you would be a Walkers Cheese and Onion flavour - quite nice, if a little uninspiring. You could do with a little Salsa dip in your life, but you're harmless enough.
7 to 9: Well hello there NIMBY-boy. You will go out of your way to interfere in every aspect of everyone elses lives. If anyone so much as looks at you then you demand to see a permit, and god help anyone who sits next to you on a bus without first asking your permission. You have all the charisma of a pound of cheddar, and you are about as welcome as a turd in a swimming pool. People cover their mouths and snigger behind your back because of your haircut, and you wear stupid clothes. Everyone hates you.
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That HAS to go in. One of the funniest things I have ever read. 
