Hell!

[Lammy]

The following is an actual question given on a University of
Washington
Chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so
"profound" that the
professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet,
which is, of course,
why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or
endothermic (absorbs
heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using
Boyle's Law (gas
cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or
some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in
time. So we need
to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the
rate at which
they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that
once a soul gets
to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the
different
religions that exist in the world today. Most of these
religions state that
if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to
Hell. Since there
is more than one of these religions and since people do not
belong to more
than one religion, we can project that all souls go to
Hell. With birth and
death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls
in Hell to
increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell
because Boyle's
Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in
Hell to stay
the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately
as souls are
added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at
which souls enter
Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will
increase until all
Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase
of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by
Teresa during my
Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I
sleep with
you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her
last night, then
number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is
exothermic and has
already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen
over, it follows
that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the
existence of a divine
being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting
"Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

 

[Frutos]

Seen if before somewhere, but funny nonetheless.

 

[Lammy]

I may well be FIXTURES! But as you say, well worth a second read even if ou have seen it before.

 

[Frutos]

I may well be FIXTURES! But as you say, well worth a second read even if ou have seen it before.

I don't think you're even FIXTURES!, seeing as I'm sure that when I saw it before, it wasn't on here

 

[Seagullible]

 

[Commander]

Very good

But is it REALLY a real answer or is it made up?

 

[readingstockport]

http://www.snopes.com/college/exam/hell.asp

 

[Lammy]

http://www.snopes.com/college/exam/hell.asp

Is there anything on that site about hand jobs and sanwiches? I only find that funny because I think it's true...

 

[Juan Albion]

I'm not sure the author of the joke is very familiar with Dante's Divine Comedy in which Cocytus, the ninth and lowest circle of Hell, is indeed a frozen scene, rather than a burning one. Therefore Dante needs to be proven incorrect if we are to accept some of the arguments here. If Dante is correct, then Teresa is a slut-faced whore.

 

[perseus]

Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

You approach Satan's wretched city where you behold a wide plain surrounded by iron walls. Before you are fields full of distress and torment terrible. Burning tombs are littered about the landscape. Inside these flaming sepulchers suffer the heretics, failing to believe in God and the afterlife, who make themselves audible by doleful sighs. You will join the wicked that lie here, and will be offered no respite. The three infernal Furies stained with blood, with limbs of women and hair of serpents, dwell in this circle of Hell.

 

[Frutos]

Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

You approach Satan's wretched city where you behold a wide plain surrounded by iron walls. Before you are fields full of distress and torment terrible. Burning tombs are littered about the landscape. Inside these flaming sepulchers suffer the heretics, failing to believe in God and the afterlife, who make themselves audible by doleful sighs. You will join the wicked that lie here, and will be offered no respite. The three infernal Furies stained with blood, with limbs of women and hair of serpents, dwell in this circle of Hell.

Sounds like Croydon.