- Jul 7, 2003
- 48,556
http://www.saintschat.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=82645&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0
Getting all hot under the collar about something Martin Samuel wrote in the News of the Screws.
I thought he was quite funny, and blatantly taking the piss out of Chairman Rupert not the club per se, but do their fans get it?
Not for a second, absolutely no sense of humour whatsoever. They're even suggesting a boycott of the paper
This is what he wrote for those who care
JANUARY
George Burley quits Southampton when further transfer-window departures force him to field the Under-11 academy team away to Reading. Southampton lose 14-0 and Sir Clive Woodward moves quickly to appoint a successor. He names Jonny Wilkinson.
FEBRUARY
Jonny Wilkinson quits Southampton after one training session, having dislocated both shoulders putting his shorts on. Sir Sir Clive Woodward moves quickly to appoint a successor. He names Prince William.
MARCH
Prince William quits Southampton claiming being a football manager was too much like hard work.
Sir Clive Woodward relieved of his director of football duties and told to go and wash Rupert Lowe's car. Eddie the Eagle appointed Southampton manager.
APRIL
Despite keeping Portsmouth up, Harry Redknapp (left) walks out of Fratton Park after Velimir Zajec is found to be operating as Director of Football from the broom cupboard in Milan Mandaric's office.
"This is the final straw," says Harry. "You'd have to be a certifiable lunatic to want to work with that lot." Sir Bobby Robson expresses interest in Redknapp's job.
Eddie the Eagle quits Southampton for being too professional. Woodward recalled from manning the till in the club shop and put in temporary charge. He names Bruce Forsyth as his assistant.
MAY
Southampton sack Bruce Forsyth following relegation on final day of the season. Lowe announces radical new vision is required and appoints Great Britain's legendary rowing coach Jurgen Grobler to work with Woodward. His first action is to submerge the training ground in 12 feet of water.
JUNE
Grobler quits Southampton after falling out with players over 4am training sessions.
Lowe brilliantly skirts a massive bill for land reclamation by making Dame Ellen McArthur Woodward's assistant.
JULY
Woodward and McArthur leave Southampton by mutual consent after several reserve-team players contract scurvy and Wasps sign Theo Walcott. Lowe outlines his brave new vision by making Carol Vorderman the first female manager of a professional football club.
AUGUST
After four straight victories, Southampton coach Vorderman is poached by Portsmouth. A furious Lowe hands the job to her No2
Des Lynam.
SEPTEMBER
Lynam quits Southampton after it is revealed Lowe intends bringing in Stephen Fry as Director of Football. "I've seen him on TV and he seems to know everything," Lowe says. "I'm very disappointed by Des's reaction."
OCTOBER
Lowe announces his intention to get back to basics at Southampton. "There has been too much upheaval," he says. "From now on it is football all the way." At a press conference, he unveils Trisha as the new manager.
NOVEMBER
Trisha quits Southampton after being refused money in January's transfer window. Lowe gives the job to Nigel ‘Spotty' MacWhirter, his old hockey master.
DECEMBER
Lowe moves swiftly to put himself in charge.
"At last I have found the manager I have always wanted," he says.
Lowe quits on December 31 after disagreeing with himself over transfer funds.
"You don't have to be mad to work here — but it helps," he quips. Sir Bobby Robson expresses interest in Southampton job
Getting all hot under the collar about something Martin Samuel wrote in the News of the Screws.
I thought he was quite funny, and blatantly taking the piss out of Chairman Rupert not the club per se, but do their fans get it?
Not for a second, absolutely no sense of humour whatsoever. They're even suggesting a boycott of the paper
This is what he wrote for those who care
JANUARY
George Burley quits Southampton when further transfer-window departures force him to field the Under-11 academy team away to Reading. Southampton lose 14-0 and Sir Clive Woodward moves quickly to appoint a successor. He names Jonny Wilkinson.
FEBRUARY
Jonny Wilkinson quits Southampton after one training session, having dislocated both shoulders putting his shorts on. Sir Sir Clive Woodward moves quickly to appoint a successor. He names Prince William.
MARCH
Prince William quits Southampton claiming being a football manager was too much like hard work.
Sir Clive Woodward relieved of his director of football duties and told to go and wash Rupert Lowe's car. Eddie the Eagle appointed Southampton manager.
APRIL
Despite keeping Portsmouth up, Harry Redknapp (left) walks out of Fratton Park after Velimir Zajec is found to be operating as Director of Football from the broom cupboard in Milan Mandaric's office.
"This is the final straw," says Harry. "You'd have to be a certifiable lunatic to want to work with that lot." Sir Bobby Robson expresses interest in Redknapp's job.
Eddie the Eagle quits Southampton for being too professional. Woodward recalled from manning the till in the club shop and put in temporary charge. He names Bruce Forsyth as his assistant.
MAY
Southampton sack Bruce Forsyth following relegation on final day of the season. Lowe announces radical new vision is required and appoints Great Britain's legendary rowing coach Jurgen Grobler to work with Woodward. His first action is to submerge the training ground in 12 feet of water.
JUNE
Grobler quits Southampton after falling out with players over 4am training sessions.
Lowe brilliantly skirts a massive bill for land reclamation by making Dame Ellen McArthur Woodward's assistant.
JULY
Woodward and McArthur leave Southampton by mutual consent after several reserve-team players contract scurvy and Wasps sign Theo Walcott. Lowe outlines his brave new vision by making Carol Vorderman the first female manager of a professional football club.
AUGUST
After four straight victories, Southampton coach Vorderman is poached by Portsmouth. A furious Lowe hands the job to her No2
Des Lynam.
SEPTEMBER
Lynam quits Southampton after it is revealed Lowe intends bringing in Stephen Fry as Director of Football. "I've seen him on TV and he seems to know everything," Lowe says. "I'm very disappointed by Des's reaction."
OCTOBER
Lowe announces his intention to get back to basics at Southampton. "There has been too much upheaval," he says. "From now on it is football all the way." At a press conference, he unveils Trisha as the new manager.
NOVEMBER
Trisha quits Southampton after being refused money in January's transfer window. Lowe gives the job to Nigel ‘Spotty' MacWhirter, his old hockey master.
DECEMBER
Lowe moves swiftly to put himself in charge.
"At last I have found the manager I have always wanted," he says.
Lowe quits on December 31 after disagreeing with himself over transfer funds.
"You don't have to be mad to work here — but it helps," he quips. Sir Bobby Robson expresses interest in Southampton job
