For those of you thinking of having sex with a racoon...

[El Presidente]

.........might not be a good idea

'A feisty raccoon has bitten off a pervert's PENIS as he was trying to rape the animal. Alexander Kirilov, 44, was on a drunken weekend with pals when he leapt on the terrified - but toothy - fur ball. "When I saw the raccoon I thought I'd have some fun," he told stunned casualty surgeons in Moscow.

Now Russian plastic surgeons are trying to restore his mangled manhood. "He's been told they can get things working again but they can't sew back on what the raccoon bit off," said a pal. "That's gone forever so there isn't going to be much for them to work with"

 

[Fixtures]

Fancy mistaking a raccoon for a beaver. They are quite different.

 

[Billy the Fish]

How do they KNOW that it was a RAPE. The racoon could've been a right little slutjob

 

[Andrew]

Wow what idiot, don't you die hours after your its off?

 

[Mr Apples]

Good job it wasn't a HONEY BADGER

 

[Don Quixote]

At least tie it down first...

f***ing amature.

 

[otk]

He must have been distracted while fiddling with the sellotape