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- #41
McShane79 said:
I like kittens they're so soft and fluffy
Favourite Harry Enfield charecters
- Thread starter Charles 'Charley' Charles
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I like kittens they're so soft and fluffy
- Thread starter
- #42
Re: Re: Favourite Harry Enfield charecters
Have just watched the self defence one again, had forgotten it, you are right genius.
Confuse the ruffian by tipping your hat. He will be embarrased by his loer standing in class and take his cap off , allowing you to escape
Bono said:
Have just watched the self defence one again, had forgotten it, you are right genius.
Confuse the ruffian by tipping your hat. He will be embarrased by his loer standing in class and take his cap off , allowing you to escape
Last edited:
ENFIELD: An ordinary dinner party. The sort of occasion we all enjoy.
The men are exchanging whitty stories. And look at the women - aren't they
pretty?
Look at how they laugh - aren't they delightful? But now the
conversation turns to more serious matters...
ENFIELD: I wonder if the government should return to the Gold Standard?
CW: I think it should.
ENFIELD: Good. Then we're all agreed.
ENFIELD: But - oh, dear - what's this? One of the women is about to embarrass us all...
WOMAN: I think the government should stay off the Gold Standard, so that the Pound can reach a level that would keep our exports competitive.
ENFIELD: The lady's foolishly attempted to join the conversation with a wild and dangerous opinion of her own. What half-baked drivel!
[CW and ENFIELD are regarding WOMAN with utmost distaste. CW's top lip curls up. WOMAN starts crying, softly, and dabs at her eyes with her napkin]
ENFIELD: See how the men look at her with utter contempt...
ENFIELD: We're going home.
[ENFIELD grabs WOMAN by the arm, and roughly drags the poor unfortunate off. a caption appears, and is helpfully read out for us by CW...]
CW: WOMEN: KNOW YOUR LIMITS!
[we see a cut-away diagram of a man's head. information is
"raining" into it, filling it all the way up to the top...]
ENFIELD: Look at the effect of education on a man and a woman's mind.
Education passes into the mind of a man - see how the information is evenly and tidily stored?
[we then see a cut-away diagram of a woman's head. the
information "rains" into it as before, but stops about a quarter of the way up...]
ENFIELD: Now see the same thing on a woman. At first, we see a similar result. But now look - still at a reasonably low level of education, her brain suddenly overloads...
[the "rain" is replaced by a frantic squiggle, and klaxons start
hooting...]
ENFIELD: She cannot take in complicated information. She becomes frantically and absurdly deranged.
[we then see four sad cases dressed in hospital gowns. three of
the aged women are fat, the fourth rakish. all four have wildly
tussled hair and look completely vacant, staring directly at the camera]
ENFIELD: Look at these venomous harridans... they went to university.
Hard to believe they're all under twenty five. Yes, over-education leads to ugliness, premature aging, and beard growth.
[cut back to a restart of the dinner party]
ENFIELD: Now let's see the proper way...
CW: Good. So, we're all agreed. We should return to the Gold
Standard.
WOMAN: Oh, I don't know anything about the Gold Standard, I'm afraid - but I do love little kittens. They're so soft, and furry.
[a fawning ENFIELD takes WOMAN's hand]
ENFIELD: What a delightful thought - you dear, sweet, fragile little thing. I adore you.
ENFIELD: Women: know your limits. In thought, be plain and simple - and let your natural sweetness shine through.
2 LOOK LISTEN & TAKE HEED
[ext. b/w shot of an old 40's saloon]
ENFIELD: Look at this motor car. A BEAUTY, isn't it? It's got twenty years happy motoring ahead of it - or has it? Here comes a woman!
[WOMAN walks up to the car]
ENFIELD: Which side's she getting in? The driver's side! Oh, dear - the WRONG side.
[WOMAN is now behind the wheel, bouncing around, talking directly to the camera.]
WOMAN Gosh! What lovely comfy seats!
ENFIELD Yes, but this isn't a DRAWING room, my dear. It's a complicated motor vehicle, based on the principles of the internal combustion ENGINE. A machine FAR too complicated for you to understand.
WOMAN: But I know about embroidery and kittens - won't that suffice?
Oh, blow it - I'm going to have a try!
[WOMAN cranks the engine, selects a gear, then shoots off backwards straight into a brick wall]
WOMAN: Oops!
ENFIELD: See? NOW look what you've done. Your pretty little mind simply can't COPE with the motor car.
[WOMAN looks suitably chastened. A caption appears which ENFIELD helpfully reads out]
ENFIELD: WOMEN: FOR PITY'S SAKE, DON'T DRIVE!
The men are exchanging whitty stories. And look at the women - aren't they
pretty?
Look at how they laugh - aren't they delightful? But now the
conversation turns to more serious matters...
ENFIELD: I wonder if the government should return to the Gold Standard?
CW: I think it should.
ENFIELD: Good. Then we're all agreed.
ENFIELD: But - oh, dear - what's this? One of the women is about to embarrass us all...
WOMAN: I think the government should stay off the Gold Standard, so that the Pound can reach a level that would keep our exports competitive.
ENFIELD: The lady's foolishly attempted to join the conversation with a wild and dangerous opinion of her own. What half-baked drivel!
[CW and ENFIELD are regarding WOMAN with utmost distaste. CW's top lip curls up. WOMAN starts crying, softly, and dabs at her eyes with her napkin]
ENFIELD: See how the men look at her with utter contempt...
ENFIELD: We're going home.
[ENFIELD grabs WOMAN by the arm, and roughly drags the poor unfortunate off. a caption appears, and is helpfully read out for us by CW...]
CW: WOMEN: KNOW YOUR LIMITS!
[we see a cut-away diagram of a man's head. information is
"raining" into it, filling it all the way up to the top...]
ENFIELD: Look at the effect of education on a man and a woman's mind.
Education passes into the mind of a man - see how the information is evenly and tidily stored?
[we then see a cut-away diagram of a woman's head. the
information "rains" into it as before, but stops about a quarter of the way up...]
ENFIELD: Now see the same thing on a woman. At first, we see a similar result. But now look - still at a reasonably low level of education, her brain suddenly overloads...
[the "rain" is replaced by a frantic squiggle, and klaxons start
hooting...]
ENFIELD: She cannot take in complicated information. She becomes frantically and absurdly deranged.
[we then see four sad cases dressed in hospital gowns. three of
the aged women are fat, the fourth rakish. all four have wildly
tussled hair and look completely vacant, staring directly at the camera]
ENFIELD: Look at these venomous harridans... they went to university.
Hard to believe they're all under twenty five. Yes, over-education leads to ugliness, premature aging, and beard growth.
[cut back to a restart of the dinner party]
ENFIELD: Now let's see the proper way...
CW: Good. So, we're all agreed. We should return to the Gold
Standard.
WOMAN: Oh, I don't know anything about the Gold Standard, I'm afraid - but I do love little kittens. They're so soft, and furry.
[a fawning ENFIELD takes WOMAN's hand]
ENFIELD: What a delightful thought - you dear, sweet, fragile little thing. I adore you.
ENFIELD: Women: know your limits. In thought, be plain and simple - and let your natural sweetness shine through.
2 LOOK LISTEN & TAKE HEED
[ext. b/w shot of an old 40's saloon]
ENFIELD: Look at this motor car. A BEAUTY, isn't it? It's got twenty years happy motoring ahead of it - or has it? Here comes a woman!
[WOMAN walks up to the car]
ENFIELD: Which side's she getting in? The driver's side! Oh, dear - the WRONG side.
[WOMAN is now behind the wheel, bouncing around, talking directly to the camera.]
WOMAN Gosh! What lovely comfy seats!
ENFIELD Yes, but this isn't a DRAWING room, my dear. It's a complicated motor vehicle, based on the principles of the internal combustion ENGINE. A machine FAR too complicated for you to understand.
WOMAN: But I know about embroidery and kittens - won't that suffice?
Oh, blow it - I'm going to have a try!
[WOMAN cranks the engine, selects a gear, then shoots off backwards straight into a brick wall]
WOMAN: Oops!
ENFIELD: See? NOW look what you've done. Your pretty little mind simply can't COPE with the motor car.
[WOMAN looks suitably chastened. A caption appears which ENFIELD helpfully reads out]
ENFIELD: WOMEN: FOR PITY'S SAKE, DON'T DRIVE!
Tom Hark Preston Park
Will Post For Cash
- Jul 6, 2003
- 74,024
Tory Boy! 
- Thread starter
- #46
Tom Hark said:Tory Boy!
L is for Labour
L is for Lice
SJ's Love Monkey
Ambrose-ia
Man of Harveys said:
"Champagne anyone?"
THE best. And he only did them once or twice, I think.
I must say Princess you really are bang on!
Princess Flora eh? easier to spread and half the calories
Classic