Favourite Blackadder saying !

[Seagull on the wing]

No thanks,I only smoke after making love...at home I'm a 20 a day man.

 

[shingle]

Flash heart;; ahhh melchet, still worshipping God, last time I heard he'd started worshipping me, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha......and Nurseeey, am I pleased to see you or have I gt a canoe down my trousers, down boy down, and so..... wheres this amazing bird, the one thats stopped my old mate Eddie doing exactly what he wants ten times a night.

Blackadder to old crone ; Is this 10 dunghill mansions Putney......old crone ; That it be that it be. Blackadder....yes it is, not that it be, you don't have to speak to me in that stupid voice I'm not a tourist

 

[Frutos]

Funny true but not historically correct. Britain had a large empire but didnt have a large army and had to recruit civillians when war broke out. Hence the pals regiments and the "your country needs you" posters. The joke about 2 large armies and stalemate was written during the cold war and to be fair, it history shows it wasnt bollocks. Probably was the only thing that stopped the Americans and Russians knocking the hell out of each other.

Which episode is that from?

Wibble.

 

[CorgiRegisteredFriend]

You're as guilty as a puppy sitting next to a pile of poo.

 

[Surf's Up]

"Au contraire Blackadder" as Melchet reveals a large ponderous pair of false breasts to gain entry to Blackadder's party

 

[Phat Baz 68]

Princely h Blackadder it was wonderful we were soon in a carriage bound for the young ladies home.
Blackadder: And what home would that be Sir ? A home for the elderly or a home for the mentally disadvantaged ?

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Funny true but not historically correct. Britain had a large empire but didnt have a large army and had to recruit civillians when war broke out. Hence the pals regiments and the "your country needs you" posters. The joke about 2 large armies and stalemate was written during the cold war and to be fair, it history shows it wasnt bollocks. Probably was the only thing that stopped the Americans and Russians knocking the hell out of each other.

Thanks for that. You do know this is a thread about funny Blackadder quotes, don't you?

 

[smelly]

Ah cappuccino

 

[Guy Fawkes]

Private Baldrick: You know my dad was a nun.
Captain Blackadder: No he wasn't.
Private Baldrick: He was too, sir. Cause whenever he was up in court and the judge asked "occupation", he'd say "none".
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Lieutenant George: Oh, sir, if we should happen to tread on a mine, what do we do?
Captain Blackadder: Well, normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump up 200 feet into the air and scatter yourself over a wide area.
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Baldrick: Right, how about a nice meal, while you chew it over?
Blackadder: [suspicious] What's on the menu?
Baldrick: Rat. [shows him a big black rat] Saute or fricassee.
Blackadder: [peers at the rat] Oh, the agony of choice. Saute involves...?
Baldrick: Well, you take the freshly shaved rat, and you marinade it in a puddle for a while.
Blackadder: Hmm, for how long?
Baldrick: Until it's drowned. Then you stretch it out under a hot light bulb, then you get within dashing distance of the latrine, and then you scoff it right down.
Blackadder: So that's sauteing, and fricasseeing?
Baldrick: Exactly the same, just a slightly bigger rat.
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Private Baldrick: Rat au Van, Sir.
Captain Blackadder: Rat au Van, Baldrick?
Private Baldrick: Yes Sir, it's Rat that's been
Captain Blackadder, Private Baldrick: Run over by a van.
Private Baldrick: Yes Baldrick.

 

[Baldseagull]

Flash heart;; ahhh melchet, still worshipping God, last time I heard he'd started worshipping me, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, Hello Bridesmaid, like the beard, gives me something to - (hip thrust) - hang on to.......and Nurseeey, I like it firm and fruity am I pleased to see you or have I gt a canoe down my trousers, down boy down, and so..... wheres this amazing bird, the one thats stopped my old mate Eddie doing exactly what he wants ten times a night.

I think the bold bits I've added were in there.

 

[Guy Fawkes]

Baldrick: I've been helping out with the workhouse Nativity play.
Ebenezer Blackadder: Oh, of course. How did it go?
Baldrick: Well, not very well. At the last moment, the baby playing Jesus died!
Ebenezer Blackadder: Oh, dear! This high infant mortality rate's a real devil when it comes to staging quality children's theatre. What did you do?
Baldrick: Got another Jesus.
Ebenezer Blackadder: Oh, thank goodness. And his name?
Baldrick: "Spot." There weren't any more children so we had to settle for a dog instead.
Ebenezer Blackadder: Oh, dear. I'm not convinced that Christianity would have established its firm grip over the hearts and minds of mankind, if all Jesus had ever said was "woof!"


Baldrick: Well, it went all right until the shepherds came on. See, we haven't been able to get any real sheep, so we had to stick some wool...
Ebenezer Blackadder: On some other dogs!
Baldrick: Yeah. And the moment Jesus got a whiff of them, he's away! While the angel's singing "peace on earth, good will to mankind," Jesus scampers across and tries to get one of the sheep to give him a piggy-back ride!
Ebenezer Blackadder: Scarcely appropriate behavior for the Son of God, Mister Baldrick! Weren't the children upset?
Baldrick: No, they loved it! They want us to do another one at Easter. They want to see us nail up the dog!

 

[Wilko]

Your disguise is as convincing as a giraffe wearing dark sunglasses trying to get into a polar bear's only golf club

This is my fave line too. Sorry US, meant to click thumbs up but hit down by accident.

 

[Pixelated Penguin]

God created man in the image of Himself and it would be a poor lookout for Christians throughout the globe if he looked anything like you Baldrick.

 

[Beach Hut]

This is the Jane Harrington? Jane 'bury me in a Y shaped coffin' Harrington?

Probably the best but there are loads........

 

[OzMike]

'You have the intellect of a 4 year old and I bet he was glad to get rid of it'.

 

[The Tassie Seagull]

....and the Bishop said "I didn't realise you said organist"

 

[backson]

You have a woman's purse, milord....

 

[backson]

Rather a lapdog to a slip of a girl, than a .......... git

 

[dazzer6666]

Blackadder : Luckily for us, Dunny on the Wold is a rotten borough
Prince George : Well, lucky us. Lucky, lucky us. Luck-luck-luck-luck......
Blackadder : You don't know what a Rotten Borough is do you
Prince George : Er, no
Blackadder : So what was the chicken impression for ?

 

[KZNSeagull]

As you are all neglecting the much maligned but none the less classic first series:

"Can I have a glass of water please?"

"Morning Doncaster"

"Again please"

"What Iron?"

"Close the bloody door!"