Favorite old sick jokes.

[Insel affe]

Whats got four legs and goes wooof .................. Piper alpha

 

[Stat Brother]

You did say old, right...

What's yellow and lives off dead beatles?


Not forgetting...

What do you call a dog, with wings?

 

[Insel affe]

yes old

what were the last words of the captain of the herald of free enterprise ........"were you born in a barn"

PS.....do you want to buy a lorry.........it fell off the back of a ferry.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Man wakes up in hospital and says 'Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!'

Doctor says 'No need to worry, we've amputated your arms'

 

[The Grockle]

pedo and a little girl walking through a dark wood late at night, the girl turns to the pedo and says 'i'm sacred' to which the pedo replies 'imagine how i feel, i have to walk back on my own' this is possible the sickest joke i have ever heard, apologies in advance.

 

[sam86]

pedo and a little girl walking through a dark wood late at night, the girl turns to the pedo and says 'i'm sacred' to which the pedo replies 'imagine how i feel, i have to walk back on my own' this is possible the sickest joke i have ever heard, apologies in advance.

She's sacred?? Wow.

 

[Arthur]

What's blue and fucks children?

























Me in my lucky blue suit

 

[Garage_Doors]

Daughter asks, Dad can i borrow the car, cost you a blow job, err tastes of shit, yea i know your brother asked first

 

[Insel affe]

I like my woman the same as my whiskey.

Aged 13 yrs and mixed up with coke.

 

[Garage_Doors]

Doctor to patience, got good news and bad news

Patient, whats the bad news,
Doctor, we have to amputate both your arms
patient what's the good new .?
Doctor,see that blonde nurse over there ?
Patient yes ?
Doctor, well i'm screwing that.

 

[Sweeney Todd]

I was in a pub the day after the Herald Of Free Enterprise sank and heard the following "joke".

What do the Herald Of Free Enterprise and a condom have in common?
They are both roll-on-roll-off and full of dead semen.

 

[Insel affe]

Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year old boyfriends?


Because there are twenty of them!

 

[Garage_Doors]

Bloke walks into the bar and says barmen line up 6 whiskeys,

Barman complies ans asks, you celebrating ?
Yep the guy say, just had my first blow job,
That's great the barman tells him let me got you another drink.
No thanks says the guy, these should get rid of the taste.

 

[Insel affe]

How do you know if you're at a gay picnic?


The hotdogs all taste like shit!

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year old boyfriends?


Because there are twenty of them!

How does Michael Jackson finish off his dinner parties?

Passes round the under-eights

 

[Insel affe]

The McCartney kids are at the family ranch anxiously awaiting news of their mother. Paul emerges from his wife's bedroom "Kid's.... there's good news and bad news."

"The bad news is your mother's strength and will to live has been sucked away by her awful disease and she died a few moments ago"

"The good news is.... It's steak and chips for dinner!"

 

[Insel affe]

Shipman's last meal was a curry. When asked afterwards if he enjoyed it, he replied that it was OK but he could've murdered a nan.

 

[Man of Harveys]

How does Michael Jackson finish off his dinner parties?

Passes round the under-eights

When is it bedtime at Neverland?
When the big hand touches the little hand.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Shipman's last meal was a curry. When asked afterwards if he enjoyed it, he replied that it was OK but he could've murdered a nan.

Lorry crashed into me local Indian

Driver was found lying in a korma

 

[Man of Harveys]

Lorry crashed into me local Indian

Driver was found lying in a korma

A mate of mine shagged a lorry once. He ended up HGV positive.