SussexSpur
New member
Compiled these as a help to me da', who's out there (am getting increasingly impatient for this time next week when I follow) but a few at least (which amused me, anyway) are perhaps worth sharing more widely ... Especially with England comfortably through to the next round, and Italy and Spain already on their way home to a barrage of rotten tomatoes and a lifetime of managers' regrets they don't even have the Spurs job to look forward to ...
"Alessandro Del Piero says he is happy to play second fiddle to Francesco Totti as Italy strive to make up for the heartbreak of Euro 2004." - Eurosport proves uncannily accurate even before Italy kick off against Denmark.
"The victory saved my life. The team gave me the best lift I could have had." - Swedish farmer Soren Gellerstedt, 85, who caught Sweden's 5-0 win over Bulgaria on the radio while starving for four days after his car got stuck in remote northern woodland.
"Zidane appeared and left Beckham in his underwear." - Spanish paper Marca's report on the France-England game.
"We're thinking of sending the video to David Beckham - we're happy to give him some tips." - Gary Tuhill, manager of Beecholme Colts boys' team in Epsom after their 46-45 penalty shoot-out victory won them a place in the Guinness World Records book.
"The crumpets were a strange request." - Dominic Warne, of Sainsburys, after the supermarket was asked to send 1,000 crumpets to England's Lisbon HQ.
"As a simple carbohydrate they offer a quick burst of energy which will help the boys score on the pitch. And like mashed potato and sticky toffee pudding, crumpets are a comfort food. The carbs increase production of serotonin in the brain which will help soothe them and give them that feelgood factor." - Mirror health editor Caroline Jones on Sven's crumpet request.
"Show me some respect!" - Chelsea chief executive Peter Kenyon confronting boo-boys in the Estadio la Luz toilets before the England-France clash.
"I've had a fantastic lot of two wonderful messages." - Sir Trevor Brooking reveals he's even more popular than Peter Kenyon.
"He's an outstanding player. Just outstanding. He won us the double in '98." - Former Arsenal and England (!) full-back Lee Dixon pays tribute to France winger Robert Pires, who joined Arsenal in 2000.
"Every dug-out in England will greet Santini with chants of 1-0 next season." - ITV commentator Clive Tyldesley, with five minutes to go and England still leading France.
"They're not going to crack, you know. Latvia are standing tall." - Clive The Curse gifts the Czech Republic sudden victory.
"I hear cheering. England must have won the football." - Clueless Big Brother contestant Victor, the day after the England-France game.
"I’d bet us on us reaching the final." - Spanish defender Ivan Helguera.
"Maybe in our dreams." - Swiss coach Kobi Kuhn optimistically assesses his team's chances of winning Euro 2004 before the big kick-off.
"As a football match, it's been a great advert for cricket." - BBC pundit Mark Lawrenson summarises Switzerland's 0-0 draw with Croatia.
"He is a football lout and an idiot. I'm going to give him a punch in the mouth." - Staffordshire pub landlord John Gibbons, stepfather of Stoke City fan Alan Walker, the first England thug to be deported from Euro 2004.
"We were totally shattered. I don't think Spain were worked as hard as we were before this tournament. I'm really angry about it and I don't think we'll qualify now." - Russia striker Alexander Mostovoi wins friends and influences people within his own training camp after just one game.
"I regard sex a few hours before a game as a problem. Drink, drink, drink is what the players should do." - German team doctor Tim Meyer, talking about water.
"I'm really glad because when I walk down the street in Athens, people salute me and say `Hi'. I think I'm the only person allowed to drive in the bus lane." - Greece's German coach Otto Rehhagel, after his team open the tournament with a 2-1 defeat of hosts Portugal.
"It's true I said that to Matthaus and I'm not proud of it." - Former Holland goalkeeper Hans van Breukelen regrets screaming "I hope you die like a dog" at Germany captain Lothar Matthaus during their Euro 88 semi-final.
"We pray for our national team. We pray that they may have the wings of eagles and the courage of lions." - From a prayer for England written by West Ham United chaplain, the Reverend Elwin Cockett.
"Victoria. Betray Him. With Me." - Three England fans unveiling banners aimed at Posh Spice during the 3-0 win over Switzerland.
"Sven-Goran Eriksson, a Swedish diplomat down to his polished brogues, agreed to his players' desire to abandon the diamond yesterday and was rewarded when they broke into some Swiss vaults to find gold. And it was that gem of a striker from Everton, Wayne Rooney, who made England sparkle." - Henry Winter of The Telegraph, possibly trying a little too hard.
"Is it me, or does Steven Gerrard sound like Lily Savage?" - Unidentified Radio Five Live caller.
"It's such a bad, bad thing to do. I can't understand why he's done it." - BBC alleged "analyst" Ian Wright deploring Totti's spitting outrage, but sadly running out of time to discuss his own £1,500 fine for gobbing at Oldham fans in 1991. Nor his £750 fine for spitting at a female steward at QPR in 1994.
"The substitutions weren't that good, were they? But that's up to the trainer. It's always easy to say these things after the match, but I personally think we lost because of changes. If you're 2-0 ahead and 2-1 ahead, there's not too much wrong. The best form of defence is attack." - Unused Dutch sub Patrick Kluivert, after the 3-2 defeat to the Czech Republic.
"I'm not saying Van der Meyde is a bad winger. He just can't cross the ball." - Johan Cruyff.
"Maybe tonight we'll drink some beer." - Imants Bleidelis prepares to celebrate Latvia's goalless draw with Germany.
"This is your latest invention. This is the last day that I speak to you. You can talk about football matters, I've never cared less what you write about anyway. You can say what you want about me as a player but, when you offend me as a person, well ... I am more of a man than all of you put together. You can say I am not in shape and that I don't score goals anymore. But you have made up so many stories now. You massacre us from morning to night. This stuff is all wrong. If there is criticism of the way we play, then fair enough, but personal attacks and false reports are offensive." - Christian Vieri declares war on the Italian Press after reports of an argument between him and Gianluigi Buffon.
"I am working very hard on this because I haven't given up on the idea that we are going to be able to nail this individual." - Home Secretary David Blunkett gets tough on Kent firefighter Garry Mann, who escapes jail in England after being convicted of leading a riot in Portugal.
"Win, lose or draw, the character of the England manager doesn't change. But what's he REALLY like, Gareth?" - ITV presenter Des Lynam.
"Well, I was hoping to play for England again ... " - ITV pundit Gareth Southgate.
"Despite the extraordinary tournament he is having, I would drop Rooney from tonight's England team to play Croatia." - Euro 88 disaster Tony Adams.
Oh, and ...
"I fear they will make a donkey out of Ledley ... I would not pick King, I'd have picked Jamie Carragher on the left hand side of Campbell ... I know, from bitter experience, what it is like to be thrust unprepared into a match of this significance ... France will tear us apart in an open game." - Donkey Adams before the France game.
"The manager has told us to prey on Rooney's weaknesses. Our defenders are under orders to slide in and try to take him a few times. Then, just you see, we will get the reaction we want. No problems. As far as we are concerned, all is fair in love, war and football. You have to use every little tactic you can. It's not a dirty tactic - it's just a tactic that is there. He's young and he's shown he can't deal with it. So let's see what happens. ... I think Rooney has been playing above himself but hopefully for this game he'll come back down to earth." - Croatia goalkeeper Joey Didulica discusses the team's masterplan to get Wayne Rooney sent off.
"They changed the schedule for me. Usually they put the women's game after the men's. Now they change. They put me. It's another great gift from the Wimbledon committee. So I have to say thank you." - Goran Ivanisevic, thanking the Wimbledon organisers for seemingly organising the first day's play so he could be free to watch the England-Croatia match.
"Companies will be concerned about staff awarding themselves days off during Euro 2004." - John Cridland, deputy director general of the Confederation of British Industry after England beat Croatia.
"I've got two words for you: Go away." - Fire Brigades Union leader Andy Gilchrist, officially on sick leave during the union's annual conference, when confronted at his hotel in Portugal after arriving in an England shirt.
"Our `Iron' Artur overdid it. My back aches but I hope it will not be too serious." - Juris Laizans, after being clattered by Latvian team-mate Arturs Zakresevkis during training before their opening game.
"Maybe Tony Blair might even take some of the credit. It was a European victory, after all." - David "It's the way I tell 'em" Pleat in side-splitting comic form after England beat Switzerland.
"I went to a bar and bumped into Jamie Redknapp and Gavin Peacock. Later on I saw Sam Allardyce, Micky Adams and Peter Reid, though I didn't get the chance to speak to them. The whole football world is out here." - Ace ligger Chris Kamara hits the town.
"Rooney, Rooney, Rooney." - Barcelona president Joan Laporta when asked who Europe's coaches, general managers and chief executives were discussing.
"Sven, I dont know if you remember, but two years ago in Japan you needed a point against Nigeria ... " - Garth Crooks, helpful and informative as ever.
"I hope he can do as well against Portugal on Thursday. But if the match is on at the same time as the bingo, I might have to go there because my nerves can't take it." - The boy wonder's grandma Pat Morrey considers her options for the night of England's quarter-final.
"'Owen, once the baby-faced assassin, has had to make way for Rooney, the assassin-faced baby." - The Guardian reporter Daniel Taylor upstages his more-feted senior colleagues David Lacey, Richard Williams and Kevin McCarra.
"Gerrard and Redknapp have controlled the midfield for England tonight." - BBC co-commentator Joe Royle pays tribute to the Spurs captain's otherwise-underrated contribution against the Croatians.
"Two Premiership managers arriving in town [Lisbon] to scout for talent at the Sweden/Bulgaria match were told by reception that their rooms would be built in half an hour ... On Thursday we strolled into the university town of Coimbra. It was hard to imagine what Portugal's intellectual elite made of the huge English gathering singing God Save The Queen outside their cathedral. The striking facade of the Igreja de Santa Cruz was not improved by the addition of a St George's flag proclaiming its owner's support for Bristol Rovers." - ITV producer Tony Pastor.
"Tottenham have the potential - they have the fans, the stadium and they're still a big name in Europe." - France midfielder Patrick Vieira lobbies Jacques Santini for a transfer.
"Alessandro Del Piero says he is happy to play second fiddle to Francesco Totti as Italy strive to make up for the heartbreak of Euro 2004." - Eurosport proves uncannily accurate even before Italy kick off against Denmark.
"The victory saved my life. The team gave me the best lift I could have had." - Swedish farmer Soren Gellerstedt, 85, who caught Sweden's 5-0 win over Bulgaria on the radio while starving for four days after his car got stuck in remote northern woodland.
"Zidane appeared and left Beckham in his underwear." - Spanish paper Marca's report on the France-England game.
"We're thinking of sending the video to David Beckham - we're happy to give him some tips." - Gary Tuhill, manager of Beecholme Colts boys' team in Epsom after their 46-45 penalty shoot-out victory won them a place in the Guinness World Records book.
"The crumpets were a strange request." - Dominic Warne, of Sainsburys, after the supermarket was asked to send 1,000 crumpets to England's Lisbon HQ.
"As a simple carbohydrate they offer a quick burst of energy which will help the boys score on the pitch. And like mashed potato and sticky toffee pudding, crumpets are a comfort food. The carbs increase production of serotonin in the brain which will help soothe them and give them that feelgood factor." - Mirror health editor Caroline Jones on Sven's crumpet request.
"Show me some respect!" - Chelsea chief executive Peter Kenyon confronting boo-boys in the Estadio la Luz toilets before the England-France clash.
"I've had a fantastic lot of two wonderful messages." - Sir Trevor Brooking reveals he's even more popular than Peter Kenyon.
"He's an outstanding player. Just outstanding. He won us the double in '98." - Former Arsenal and England (!) full-back Lee Dixon pays tribute to France winger Robert Pires, who joined Arsenal in 2000.
"Every dug-out in England will greet Santini with chants of 1-0 next season." - ITV commentator Clive Tyldesley, with five minutes to go and England still leading France.
"They're not going to crack, you know. Latvia are standing tall." - Clive The Curse gifts the Czech Republic sudden victory.
"I hear cheering. England must have won the football." - Clueless Big Brother contestant Victor, the day after the England-France game.
"I’d bet us on us reaching the final." - Spanish defender Ivan Helguera.
"Maybe in our dreams." - Swiss coach Kobi Kuhn optimistically assesses his team's chances of winning Euro 2004 before the big kick-off.
"As a football match, it's been a great advert for cricket." - BBC pundit Mark Lawrenson summarises Switzerland's 0-0 draw with Croatia.
"He is a football lout and an idiot. I'm going to give him a punch in the mouth." - Staffordshire pub landlord John Gibbons, stepfather of Stoke City fan Alan Walker, the first England thug to be deported from Euro 2004.
"We were totally shattered. I don't think Spain were worked as hard as we were before this tournament. I'm really angry about it and I don't think we'll qualify now." - Russia striker Alexander Mostovoi wins friends and influences people within his own training camp after just one game.
"I regard sex a few hours before a game as a problem. Drink, drink, drink is what the players should do." - German team doctor Tim Meyer, talking about water.
"I'm really glad because when I walk down the street in Athens, people salute me and say `Hi'. I think I'm the only person allowed to drive in the bus lane." - Greece's German coach Otto Rehhagel, after his team open the tournament with a 2-1 defeat of hosts Portugal.
"It's true I said that to Matthaus and I'm not proud of it." - Former Holland goalkeeper Hans van Breukelen regrets screaming "I hope you die like a dog" at Germany captain Lothar Matthaus during their Euro 88 semi-final.
"We pray for our national team. We pray that they may have the wings of eagles and the courage of lions." - From a prayer for England written by West Ham United chaplain, the Reverend Elwin Cockett.
"Victoria. Betray Him. With Me." - Three England fans unveiling banners aimed at Posh Spice during the 3-0 win over Switzerland.
"Sven-Goran Eriksson, a Swedish diplomat down to his polished brogues, agreed to his players' desire to abandon the diamond yesterday and was rewarded when they broke into some Swiss vaults to find gold. And it was that gem of a striker from Everton, Wayne Rooney, who made England sparkle." - Henry Winter of The Telegraph, possibly trying a little too hard.
"Is it me, or does Steven Gerrard sound like Lily Savage?" - Unidentified Radio Five Live caller.
"It's such a bad, bad thing to do. I can't understand why he's done it." - BBC alleged "analyst" Ian Wright deploring Totti's spitting outrage, but sadly running out of time to discuss his own £1,500 fine for gobbing at Oldham fans in 1991. Nor his £750 fine for spitting at a female steward at QPR in 1994.
"The substitutions weren't that good, were they? But that's up to the trainer. It's always easy to say these things after the match, but I personally think we lost because of changes. If you're 2-0 ahead and 2-1 ahead, there's not too much wrong. The best form of defence is attack." - Unused Dutch sub Patrick Kluivert, after the 3-2 defeat to the Czech Republic.
"I'm not saying Van der Meyde is a bad winger. He just can't cross the ball." - Johan Cruyff.
"Maybe tonight we'll drink some beer." - Imants Bleidelis prepares to celebrate Latvia's goalless draw with Germany.
"This is your latest invention. This is the last day that I speak to you. You can talk about football matters, I've never cared less what you write about anyway. You can say what you want about me as a player but, when you offend me as a person, well ... I am more of a man than all of you put together. You can say I am not in shape and that I don't score goals anymore. But you have made up so many stories now. You massacre us from morning to night. This stuff is all wrong. If there is criticism of the way we play, then fair enough, but personal attacks and false reports are offensive." - Christian Vieri declares war on the Italian Press after reports of an argument between him and Gianluigi Buffon.
"I am working very hard on this because I haven't given up on the idea that we are going to be able to nail this individual." - Home Secretary David Blunkett gets tough on Kent firefighter Garry Mann, who escapes jail in England after being convicted of leading a riot in Portugal.
"Win, lose or draw, the character of the England manager doesn't change. But what's he REALLY like, Gareth?" - ITV presenter Des Lynam.
"Well, I was hoping to play for England again ... " - ITV pundit Gareth Southgate.
"Despite the extraordinary tournament he is having, I would drop Rooney from tonight's England team to play Croatia." - Euro 88 disaster Tony Adams.
Oh, and ...
"I fear they will make a donkey out of Ledley ... I would not pick King, I'd have picked Jamie Carragher on the left hand side of Campbell ... I know, from bitter experience, what it is like to be thrust unprepared into a match of this significance ... France will tear us apart in an open game." - Donkey Adams before the France game.
"The manager has told us to prey on Rooney's weaknesses. Our defenders are under orders to slide in and try to take him a few times. Then, just you see, we will get the reaction we want. No problems. As far as we are concerned, all is fair in love, war and football. You have to use every little tactic you can. It's not a dirty tactic - it's just a tactic that is there. He's young and he's shown he can't deal with it. So let's see what happens. ... I think Rooney has been playing above himself but hopefully for this game he'll come back down to earth." - Croatia goalkeeper Joey Didulica discusses the team's masterplan to get Wayne Rooney sent off.
"They changed the schedule for me. Usually they put the women's game after the men's. Now they change. They put me. It's another great gift from the Wimbledon committee. So I have to say thank you." - Goran Ivanisevic, thanking the Wimbledon organisers for seemingly organising the first day's play so he could be free to watch the England-Croatia match.
"Companies will be concerned about staff awarding themselves days off during Euro 2004." - John Cridland, deputy director general of the Confederation of British Industry after England beat Croatia.
"I've got two words for you: Go away." - Fire Brigades Union leader Andy Gilchrist, officially on sick leave during the union's annual conference, when confronted at his hotel in Portugal after arriving in an England shirt.
"Our `Iron' Artur overdid it. My back aches but I hope it will not be too serious." - Juris Laizans, after being clattered by Latvian team-mate Arturs Zakresevkis during training before their opening game.
"Maybe Tony Blair might even take some of the credit. It was a European victory, after all." - David "It's the way I tell 'em" Pleat in side-splitting comic form after England beat Switzerland.
"I went to a bar and bumped into Jamie Redknapp and Gavin Peacock. Later on I saw Sam Allardyce, Micky Adams and Peter Reid, though I didn't get the chance to speak to them. The whole football world is out here." - Ace ligger Chris Kamara hits the town.
"Rooney, Rooney, Rooney." - Barcelona president Joan Laporta when asked who Europe's coaches, general managers and chief executives were discussing.
"Sven, I dont know if you remember, but two years ago in Japan you needed a point against Nigeria ... " - Garth Crooks, helpful and informative as ever.
"I hope he can do as well against Portugal on Thursday. But if the match is on at the same time as the bingo, I might have to go there because my nerves can't take it." - The boy wonder's grandma Pat Morrey considers her options for the night of England's quarter-final.
"'Owen, once the baby-faced assassin, has had to make way for Rooney, the assassin-faced baby." - The Guardian reporter Daniel Taylor upstages his more-feted senior colleagues David Lacey, Richard Williams and Kevin McCarra.
"Gerrard and Redknapp have controlled the midfield for England tonight." - BBC co-commentator Joe Royle pays tribute to the Spurs captain's otherwise-underrated contribution against the Croatians.
"Two Premiership managers arriving in town [Lisbon] to scout for talent at the Sweden/Bulgaria match were told by reception that their rooms would be built in half an hour ... On Thursday we strolled into the university town of Coimbra. It was hard to imagine what Portugal's intellectual elite made of the huge English gathering singing God Save The Queen outside their cathedral. The striking facade of the Igreja de Santa Cruz was not improved by the addition of a St George's flag proclaiming its owner's support for Bristol Rovers." - ITV producer Tony Pastor.
"Tottenham have the potential - they have the fans, the stadium and they're still a big name in Europe." - France midfielder Patrick Vieira lobbies Jacques Santini for a transfer.
